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what is the right response to this?

2 replies

chocoraisin · 05/04/2012 22:47

Have offered to make a plan for contact arrangements for the next 6 months with XP, in a weeks time. It will be the first review of our current plan, which was put in place 12 weeks ago - 2 weeks after he walked out. I have been flexible, co-operative and supportive of his right to see DS.

I am also 26 weeks pregnant.

He has responded that he expects another 12 week review to happen because 6 months is 'too long' for a standing arrangement to be in place. He expects this to happen ONE DAY before my due date, baby is probably going to be born at least 5 days earlier by c-sec.

So: we will meet to discuss the next 3 months of visits for DS, followed by the three months afterwards when there will be DS and a newborn to plan for. I am not being unreasonable to refuse to 'review' things at that time am I??

I'm tempted to tell him to go fuck himself and make arrangements via a solicitor if he isn't happy when we speak next week. I think he's damn lucky I'm even willing to sit down and talk with him at all, given that he left me and DS less than 4 months ago, while I was pregnant.

Please come and give me sensible suggestions because right now all I feel is rage Angry

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purpleroses · 05/04/2012 23:07

I think you're being more than reasonable. Would suggest you make a plan for the next 6 months, and ask him to contact you by email if he wants to change it for any reason, then review it again when the baby is 2-3 months old. Or if you're feeling ultra-reasonable you could offer to meet with him 2-3 weeks before your due date I guess, just to firm up arrangements over the time of the birth.

One tip though - if you're working out a rota for who has DS when, you might want to roll it into the future a few weeks beyond when you think you'll next be up to reviewing it, just so you both know what you're doing a bit more in advance. Me and my ex do a rota around every 2-3 months, but I always find it annoying if we leave it right up to the time the rota runs out before reviewing as I can't plan anything.

Poor you :( Can't be easy at all with a toddler and a bump (though tbh - I stuck with my ex til just after the birth of DC2, and really wished I'd just finished things before, as it wasn't really any help having him around at that time - just more stress) Look after yourself, and call in whatever other support you can find around the time of the birth.

chocoraisin · 05/04/2012 23:12

I've been ultra reasonable since I found out. I don't know if its hormones now or just reality but the closer I get to the birth the less tolerant I am. If we review anything in ten weeks or so I can see myself getting so emotional that I become completely UNreasonable... I don't think its a good idea at all :(

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