So... Should I ask my violent, spiteful ex permisson to live abroad or go straight to a solicitor?

[Starwisher]

I hope it's ok to post here as I'm not a lone parent as I am married, but I do have a violent, spiteful ex who happens to be dd1 dad so I think people on here my be in sympathy with what I'm going through

My dh lost his job here in the uk, there is no work available but a possibility of a very good job in Australia

I think I need a signed and witnessed letter to go abroad from the ex

I really want to avoid court so am Hoping he will agree to singing the letter

For the record I am not doing it to get away from him, he sees he 3 hours a year and is supervised.

If you were me would you try approaching him first (through email I cannot speak to him and haven't done for 5 years) or go straight to a solicitor? The solicitor said she charges £350 ph... We have no income...

What would you do?

Well he's going to find out one way or the other.

I'd send an email first. Then at least you tried that route.

Yes, try asking him directly, and try to be amenable about contact with your DD1. Does your exH pay maintenance for your DD1?

Oh yes, I know he will find out but do I risk asking him personally in an email knowing what he can be like, or do you think he will see this as less "full on" rather than a solicitor letter?

I don't even know where he lives come to think of it, and dont even know if the email I have for him is out of date

No, he pays no Maintence.

I think it would depend on what your dealings with him recently have been.
If you ever communicate by email/text/'phone/letter, then try that route first. However, it sounds like you don't so I think maybe going straight to solicitor would make sense.

I haven't spoken to him for nearly 5 years. Truth be told I was terrified of the guy, it feel a bit stronger now

I'm worried a solicitiors letter will get his back up and put him on the defensive?

Does your ex have parental responsibility? Do you have a shared residence order? I think if there is no residence order, you might not need his permission. Do some googling!

I know of someone who is in a similar situation and it is about to go to court, but I've been told that it's highly likely (80%?) she'll be allowed to take the dcs, as it's overall in their interests to go. BUT, don't quote me, as there may be other details I'm not privy to.

Will what you do impact on your ex's contact time? Will you come back so that he can maintain the same level of contact?

Hi I have googled and googled but have no clear answer.

From the case law I have read I think its likely permission to be granted

He only sees her once a year, for 3 hours. His choice by the way!

So I can't see any impact. I couldnt guarantee we would fly back though at first as we don't know what salary dh Will be offered, but once he builds his career up should be ok if money allows. I still want to come back for cosy wintry Christmases.

He could always fly to australia too

In the case I'm thinking of, the dad sees the kids a lot more than that. There's also a history of DV, but not sure if that's relevant.

Clam would the man not just agree to the paperwork?

How long has the process being going on for? I heard it takes months and months.

Well it's certainly been delayed by it having to go to court, which sounds like the best the ex could hope for in this case - buying time. Yes, months. In your case, if your ex doesn't contest, then it shouldn't take so long.

It's hard because if dh does get the job they want him to start in July. He can't not accept the job if it's offered.

It might mean I have to stay in the Uk with our two daughters waiting for permisson

In think it will be a very tough time for all of us, especially with our youngest only being 5 months. I hope it doesn't effect her bonding with my husband.

I'm getting all teary now :(

When is the next contact ? Surely you could go out anyway and just arrange to come back for the annual visit ? Or do you need him to sign something to go ?

Who knows when the next contact is, he is meant to come once a month but hasn't asked to see her for 7 months now.

I found out i can't just go as I looked at the visa application online and the paperwork says anyone with parental responsibility has to be named with permisson attached

Go and speak to your local CAB and see what they advise, they often can help get things started for little or no cost. If you need to see a solicitor then check a number of local firms £350 is a lot p/h.....

this might not be what you want to hear but i think you should ask him for permission first, and only go to a solicitor as a last resort.

Be aware you may have a fight on your hands.

I appreciate that he only sees the child 3 hours a year (what a dick, by the way) however the child is still his - and the prospect of it being practically impossible to see him might be rather different to knowing he is there but "not getting around to it" whatever crap excuse he gives.

If you said you were moving to Germany or France or somewhere 2 hours away on a plane then that´s one thing. The other side of the world is quite another.

Good Luck - I hope he either agrees and you move to Australia or that you find a better situation in the UK and the child´s "father" gets his act together and starts seeing his child.

If he only sees DC once a year he doesn't sound all that bothered and may agree without any fuss. Or do you think he is likely to kick up just for the sake of making life difficult for you? I think that even if he is, his lack of contact will count against him in court so make sure you have as much evidence of his lack of interest in DC as possible. Good luck. Hopefully you'll catch him on a good day and get the necessary signature withut aggro.