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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

He calls all the shots!! Im sooooo MAD!!

11 replies

Gems34 · 05/04/2012 14:17

Me and my husband are separated and we have 2 children.
Last year I juggled every school holiday to go to work. Every bank holiday the children spent with me.
This year Iv said its only fair to share these holidays as why should I juggle choldcare etc. He has said he has to work bank hols well so do I so who said its the women that has that responsibility?
Ok men usually bring in a higher income but we are not together and I have to work. He stopped paying the mortgage months ago and now is on a v low wage that all he has to pay in maintainance is £12.86 a week.
How can he just call the shots? We both had our children surely we share custody.
It makes me soooooooo MAD!!!

OP posts:
FeelingOld · 05/04/2012 14:39

Its not fair is it?
Luckily i dont work weekends or bank hols but only because i changed my job so that i could be here for the kids (used to work in retail so you can imagine the kind of hours i had to work) My exh has never had day off during school hols etc to look after the kids so it has always fallen on me.

Don't know what to suggest other than getting some legal advice.

Original poster
Gems34 · 05/04/2012 14:43

It isnt fair at all!
Thanks for your message :)
I guess there are no answers, just feel so mad about it! There should be some law!
Im sorry for the rant! So so hard being a single parent sometimes

OP posts:
FeelingOld · 05/04/2012 17:36

Well Gems you sometimes need to just rant, it dont solve your problems but makes you feel bit better.
And there should not have to be a law, he should feel some kind of responsibilty towards his kids without being forced by a law.

purpleroses · 05/04/2012 23:11

Not fair at all, but it's how it works for me too :(

Ex has the DCs 2 nights a week, but all the holidays are by default my responsibility to sort out. He might have them a week or two, or he might decide to bugger off without them and hardly have them at all, or take a new job with no leave attached to it. I have no way of knowing.

Very unfair, and not a lot you can do about it, other than try to pursuade him to take on a fairer share of the responsibility.

Original poster
Gems34 · 06/04/2012 08:19

Yes I wish he would choose to take on this resposibility but I know he wont, he loves his new life!
No I guess there isnt alot we can do about it. This is why I feel they should be forced. Its not even about the money its about his time!
Oh well ladies I guess we can be proud of ourselves with no thanks to them.

OP posts:
FannyBazaar · 06/04/2012 09:03

My ex does not plan contact in advance and if pushed about the holidays would just say that he would like to see DS but will get back to me on when and then nothing. I now just make my own plans around working weekends and holidays, I use child care or have friends who help us out. Despite wishing that he would take DS during some of the school holidays and use some of his annual leave for his child, I have given up all expectations of this happening.

Original poster
Gems34 · 06/04/2012 09:24

Well done you as I know this must be a juggle.
I guess I too have to give up on any expectations also.

OP posts:
Dee03 · 06/04/2012 09:31

Same goes here too.
Xp has put ds everyother wkend and that's it!!!!
When my ds broke his elbow when he was 3 in my xp care it was indeed I that had to have weeks off work, not him!!!

NotaDisneyMum · 06/04/2012 14:53

My ex calls the shots too - but in my case, he monopolises DD and sidelines me Sad

I've found it impossible to refuse the extra time and involvement he demands without coming across as a bitter exW who used her DD as a weapon - which is how he slates me to his solicitor if I object Sad

She spends over 50% of her time with him - but only if he's free to do what he considers to be 'fun' stuff; he's happy to leave the day-to-day mundane bits to me Angry

bucketbetty · 06/04/2012 23:02

I'm in the same boat too op. My ex used to share care of ds including half the holidays then met his new wife and decided he was no longer needed his ds. He had someone else to keep him company and relieve his boredom with life. I'm afraid I believe that's the only reason he spent time with his ds. Now of course I do absolutely everything. I ask him for nothing ever. I suspect you may need to accept your lot. It's the joy of being a mother and they're loss. I enjoy every moment I spend with my child but god it really can be tough doing it all on your own.

Jazz2109 · 14/04/2012 18:17

Ive lost 2 jobs because ExP decided he couldnt have DS on a certain day and cancelled an hour before he says that because when we broke up i chose to have DS live with me (ExP went to live with friends so not sure where he was going to put DS!) Then sorting childcare for work and hols is my job not his problem x

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