Breach of contact order?

[mrshomersimpson]

Recent contact order states every other weekend plus approx 50% of school holidays for DC to be with NRP. Dates to be agreed between both parties. Proposed dates for school holidays and weekends submitted in mid-Feb, but RP ignored them for a month. RP then agreed weekends and said would respond about holidays in due course.

Over the last week, RP has suggested four days in second week of Easter hol, NRP has asked for those four days plus any weekend in Easter hols. On Thursday RP responded with suggestion of those four days plus first weekend of Easter hols from Sat until Tues. NRP agreed and booked annual leave from work and flights to collect DC.

On Friday pm NRP said a mistake has been made, DC are not available second week of Easter hols and offers first weekend (this one) until Monday. NRP cannot get flights and accomodation organised at such late notice due to lack of availability and is then unable to proceed with contact, therefore going from eight days of contact over Easter holidays to nil.

What do you think of the situation? The unused flights cost over £500, apart from all the solicitor's time acting as a go-between at the NRP's expense. That is annoying, but less so than the expectation of spending time with DC only to find it cancelled at the last minute.

I think you can go back to court and sue for the cost? I'm sure some of the very clever folk at legal could tell you. Also I'd think asking the court to vary the order to define the holiday contact would be the only way to guarantee the DC get the holiday contact.

Pretty unpleasant but is this one that can be negotiated over rather than have to resort to extreme methods? I am in full sympathy with you but without hearing both sides of this story, it's difficult to be too judgy.

Did you have the arrangement in writing (really the RP's word should be enough). I think this might be an expensive mistake to chalk down, if the RP is going to go back on their word, get it in writing.

Poor kiddies as well, missing out on their holiday.... So sorry that you're not seeing your babies too.

You need to go back to court, not to recover the flight costs but to get a clearer court order. The one you have is useless. Dates to be agreed by the parties? Simply put, if you have been to court to get a court order it is because you are not able to negociate with each other.

Use this problem as the excuse to revise the order. It may help to define which weeks in the holidays are to be spent with each parent, when, where and at what time would handover will take place, and adding a clause were the parent that breaks the order is expected to pay for lost holiday expenses.
Having said that.. She was wrong in dragging her feet to set holiday dates, but you shouldn't have booked the holidays before a date was agreed.

The date was agreed, wasn't it?

Who moved in the first place?

On the face of what has been written it does sound like the RP is being deliberately obstructive, but to give the benefit of the doubt did s/he say what the mistake was/why the children aren't available?

Thanks for your replies. I made a mistake in the original post, it was the RP who emailed the NRP's solicitor on Friday pm to say that she had made a mistake in her holiday plans and the DC were not available, even though her communication the previous day had stated that they were.

But did she say why? Is there a possibility that it was a genuine mistake?

It doesn't matter if it is a genuine mistake, if the consequences of it are the same.

Genuine mistake or not, RP has well and truly messed up, children lose out on contact and someone has lost £500. You would think knowing that someone has to book flights and the like to accommodate contact the RP would ensure there are no mistakes made at the last minute.

I would get legal advice. The court order sounds like it need tightening up to avoid more instances like this. I have heard of costs being awarded in cases like this but a reinforcement of an order normally takes more than one breach.

Of course the outcome is the same, but personally my response would depend on what I thought the other person's motivations were and how they'd told me about the mistake. So if it was a mistake on their part, and their email went along the lines of "oh my goodness, I'm so sorry - I've got my weekends muddled up and this weekend they're supposed to be doing x, is there any chance we can rearrange?" I'd be a lot more inclined to take it as a one off and genuine mistake, maybe ask for some payment towards the flights etc. Could be that the mistake involves something that the RP would lose money on if cancelled.

If, on the other hand, the RP was a person who obstructed contact whenever possible and sent something like "oops - wrong weekend. Will have to be next weekend instead" I'd be inclined to think the worst and hightail it back to court as others have advised.

I agree that the contact order sounds quite vague though.

The RP emailed the NRP's solicitor on Friday pm when contact was due to take place the following morning. She said only that she had made a mistake in her holiday plans and contact was possible only from Sat - Mon. That was it, one sentence. The implication was that contact for the second week of the Easter break was no longer going ahead, and the first weekend was shortened. However, as it was not possible to book flights and accommodation (the NRP had planned to bring DC to his home but decided against it as too much time would be spent travelling if only two nights there) to fit in with RP's revised offer, it was impossible for the NRP to see DC at all.

As far as I am aware, the RP was visiting a friend and no costs were involved if she changed her plans.

The solicitor is well aware of the RP's behaviour and the NRP had to go to court to secure regular, certain contact. As a result, the next step is an enforcement order with costs to RP. The aim is to redefine the order so that dates are set and to ensure the order is not a barrier to contact taking place, which it has proved to be this weekend.

Typical... emailing on Friday afternoon to ensure the message will not get through until it is too late (Tuesday at the earliest?). That would be noticed by court as a successful attempt to block contact.

The clearer the order, the lesser the problems and misunderstandings, and another important thing, don't be tempted to put dates on it as it will make it useless for next year. Better to say "first week of Easter holiday with NRP from Saturday at 10 am, second week with RP from Saturday at 10" than "one week in the Easter holiday" or from "4 to 11 of April"

Optimistic in the circumstances you describe where a genuine mistake has been made, what would be more important in the DC's lives than seeing the NRP?

Baring emergency surgery, if the RP has made a mistake, then that is their problem to deal with surely - why should the NRP be notified at all? I understand that the DC's might be disappointed that they can't take part in whatever it was that their RP promised/arranged, and the RP may take a financial hit, but their relationship with the NRP should be paramount, surely?

In the adult world, there are consequences to mistakes - no matter how genuine they are. Muddling dates/weekends may be a mistake; refusing to honour the commitment made to the NRP and DC's, in favour of the RP own arrangements once the mistake is made is a choice that has a detrimental effect on everyone except the RP.

As someone who has spent 6 years in court because of a very unhappy NRP, despite adhering to the letter of the court orders, each and every time they are made: don't go back to court. Write a letter asking for the money back (which the court would order) and settle for half of it. Get things done in writing well in advance and stop - both of you - lining the pockets of the greedy and conscience-free solicitors who are taking you both for mugs. Eventually, this will be easier to deal with without the court. If you get a tighter court order, this will not help the children, or you.

My exh goes for ever more restrictions on court order, which is fine by me because I can stick to them but he has found, over time, that he cannot. And don't give up on mutual agreement, you'll have to do that in the long run anyway and even if your ex has tried to kill you, they will still insist you try negotiation first. What are you going to do when your kids have children? Get a court order for that too? Give up, your kids are suffering

I appreciate your advice, mrsmcv, it is always helpful to hear from someone who has been in a similar situation. What do you do though, when the RP simply won't communicate? If the NRP proposes dates and 8 weeks later the RP has not responded, then where do you stand? How is the NRP supposed to make arrangements for travel and annual leave from work if he doesn't know when he will see his children, and for how long?

Due to harassment of the NRP by the RP (which the police have dealt with), all communications are through the NRP's solicitor at the NRP's expense. When the RP ignores communications, you are helpless. There is no chance of mutual agreement at present.

I think the court order needs to be further defined "dates to be agreed by both parties" only works when both parties are reasonable.

I think dates need to be inserted or a clause that states - holidays to be agreed by x date. I'm sure something could be drafted that would work. Ideally you want a court order that just works and does not need the 2 parties to have much dialogue.

NADM, I wasn't suggesting that whatever other plans the RP and/or the children had were more important that spending time with the NRP, or that I thought the RP had made the right decision in cancelling the planned contact visit rather than his/her own plans. What I was saying was that when considering how to respond to the RP's actions, some consideration should be given to why s/he had done this and if it was likely to happen again.

In the case of a genuine mistake it more than likely wouldn't happen again, so it would be best to express displeasure, try and negotiate financial recompense and draw a line under it with hopefully not too much conflict which obviously is to be avoided where possible. It could of course be a genuine mistake from an extremely disorganised RP and therefore highly likely to occur again, so a slightly stronger stance might be required.

If it was likely to be deliberate on the part of the RP, and an incident in a longer term process of contact blocking and therefore likely to happen again (as the OP has clarified it is in this case), then yes further action should be immediately taken in the form of applying for the order to be enforced and clarified.