Effect of separation on young dcs

[crazyday]

DH and I are probably going to separate. I am very worried about the effect this will have on the dcs (aged 3 and 6 months). The 3 year old adores his father and I feel very guilty about splitting them up. Is it normal to feel like this and really how do kids handle it?

Depends what happens now.

If you can be amicable , dad lives near by and you can agree on who has the kids when and where it'll be easier on the dc I think.

Assuming he remains an active part of their lives I doubt the youngest would be that affected by it. Three is still pretty young.

My dd was two when I split with XP. Dd just adapted. Rolled with it . She has the odd question but certainly doesn't seem upset.

My DS was 2 when we split up, he didn't see much of his Dad then anyway as he was leaving for work early in the morning and getting back late. He probably saw more of his father in the first year and a half after we separated than he did before then. DS just accepted it, at one stage he talked about other children having a Mummy and a Daddy at home but I pointed out the children who also had separated parents.

It is not divorce that damages the children, it is hearing all the nastiness and arguments that happen before and during it.

As long as you can keep your children well away and unaware of your divorce drama they would be fine. They may even benefit of the 1-2-1 dad is likely to provide when he is in charge.

I'm reading "Helping Children with Divorce" by Edward Teyber at the moment, and so far its been really helpful. It would have been even more helpful had I read it before the breakup, as it has a lot of advice about what to do and say as the initial separation happens. Sounds like it could help you a lot.

To answer your question (in my unqualified opinion) yes, it is normal to feel incredibly guilty and that guilt can affect your parenting, but if you are aware of your and your child's feelings and are able to talk through them together, you should both be OK. As the poster above says, and the book too, its not divorce itself that affects children negatively but the quality of parenting (which can be good or bad in an in tact home or a separated one)

HTH.

I was a teenager when my parents split. I really wasn't bothered at the time but now, as an adult with 3 kids, I'm pretty gutted my parents aren't together. And I feel for my parents cause I know they know they're missing out now on the grandchildren coming to visit them both in the same house. It's more like 2 seperate Christmas visits, 2 this, 2 that. So for those reasons, considering the bigger picture of family life, if you're not sure I would try and work it out. But if you are definitely sure then do it as smoothly as you can, always keeping the children's stability at the forefront of your mind when the nasty fights kick in. Good luck.

My DCs were 3, and 4 months when I separated from their father. It's been difficult - especially with the eldest (the youngest was too young to ever remember us being together), and still is at times, but the day to day stuff does get easier.
They are almost 7 and 4 now, and only use the 'I want my daddy' card when they get into trouble over something, something that kids from two-parent families do too!

Mine are 3yo and 2yo and exdp and I split up in February. They are both happier now. Exdp and I are still very good friends and still do family outings.

The main thing to do is get into a good routine as soon as he moves out. Have lots of fun with them and keep him involved in their lives.

It is hard to start with but does get easier

Thanks for your answers. I suspect we will end up in different countries which worries me. I will buy the book.
I never thought I would have to post about this