For those of you with dc that have no contact with their father......

[girliefriend]

how much information do you give your dc about their father?

My dd is 6yo and had never met her dad - his choice but my dd is full of questions, what does he look like? How old is he? Whats his name?

It is so hard, I have always tried to be as honest as possible but how can you make 'he knows about you but doesn't give a shit monkeys' sound o.kay?

I have got a photo of him, what are your thoughts on whether I should show it to dd?

I'd say keep it very general and non-commital, how old is your DD? I was in a similar situation to you, my DD1 has never met her dad, fortunately she had my dad as a brilliant father figure and then i met DP when she was just two, although we didnt move in together until she was 7 so my dad was more of a father figure really.

She has asked a few times, i just said that we were young and thats why he was such a fucking prick and too scared of his own father to admit to being her father things didn't work out. After the initial curiosity the questions died off.

I wouldnt paint a negative image, just a very neutral one

I can't see any harm in showing her the photo.

XP hasn't seen the DC's since DS was 2.7 (now 5.4) and DD was 9mo (now 3.6).

I still have a couple of photos of us / him with the kids. Part of me wants to take them down as it seems a bit mental having them up but as dreadful as he was (abusive / police etc) I don't want to erase him from their lives.

DS asked his name a while ago so I told him. They know he lives somewhere else but that's about it, they don't ask much really. DS does remember his dad was angry and grumpy though. I just say their daddy didn't fit into the family and wasn't nice to have around so he doesn't live here anymore.

My dd is 6yo and is at that age were she is acutely aware that most of her friends have a dad of some description. I try not to be negative about him but it is hard. She is very close to my dad and he is very good with her but my dd said tonight 'but he is not my dad he is your dad - I want my dad'

My DD has just turned 2 and I know it's still early to be thinking about this for me...however, your feedback on keeing things neutral has really helped. Thank you

My DS is 5 (almost 6) and I'm in the same situation as you - his dad chose to have nothing to do with him and has never even seen DS. It's only in the past couple of years that he's asked any questions at all, and he hasn't got to the 'What does he look like/What's his name?' type detailed questions that you're getting yet. So far he's just asked quite general questions, which I've tried to answer as plainly as possible without any emotion - as someone else said above, in a neutral manner. I agree though, that it's really difficult to explain to a small child why their other parent doesn't give a crap.

My DD is 12 and her father left when she was nearly 3. She can still remember him but mostly the bad stuff. I have never been negative about him but she isn't daft. I have offered her photos of him but she doesn't want them. I have kept them for the future just incase. I don't see any harm in giving your DD a photo it may just satisfy her curiosity for a while. Like some others have said just answer her questions as honestly as possible. Kids are tough and follow your example

Yes show photos. Although my DS did see his dad a few times when he was six month old and there is a few pictures of them together, he think he left because he was a baby and now he's 5 it could be different. I tell him everything and then he wants to see his dad and I have to say I'm afraid he his just not ready to be a dad, worse still my DS school is across the road from my EXP flat.

Now he in the terribly embarrassing stage of calling trade men who give him attention Dad. It makes me feel so guilty for meeting another man, but I was truly heartbroken when was left at the start of a planned pregnancy I felt I could trust my judgement, I never for a moment thought my EXP and his family would neglect their only grandchild, it's nothing short of inhumane. How can you explain it to a child when I struggle with it myself.

Sorry my iPhone isn't typing so well I meant I feel guilty for not getting my self together and meeting someone else before the questions and the desire for a father started. Only 5 years later I'm getting over it, but still cry daily, not cause I love my ex but my sheer disgust in him. I wish I never felt this way .