Meeting someone new

[bubblensqueak]

After a 2.5 year relationship that resulted in a lovely DS (now 16mo), my DP and I have, relatively amicably, split.

We've been little more than very good friends really since the birth, when priorities changed. Although we have always loved each other, neither of us really ever considered the relationship to be the big love that you hope you have in life, and if DS hadn't come along we wouldn't have stuck it out together for this long.

I've moved back from abroad with DS, so I have a few friends where I am, and family. Most of the time I don't feel lonely in that sense, but I am really missing having a partner, and I feel very much like I'd like to meet someone new. I'm sad that DS doesn't have a father figure close at hand, as I had such a lovely family upbringing. Considering the way the relationship I have just come out of went, it's been nearly a year and a half since I felt like I had someone in my life that I was intimate with and that I made plans about a future with, so I don't think it's 'too soon'.

But, how the hell do I find someone? Seeing as I am a single mother now, with exDP abroad I don't get any weekends or nights off unless I can convince my parents to take DS once in a while. I can't even imagine how I can meet someone, especially someone who is going to be ok about spending most of our early dating staying in while baby sleeps upstairs, and limiting most of our socialising to including being with the little one all the time.

Can anyone here share some experiences of finding love again after a break up, with young children?

Thanks all

I managed a fair bit of dating on and off since DC were very small. Now have lovely DP who I've been with a couple of years :)

Tips:

• Find babysitters - friends who you can trust and somehow repay favours to (eg cook them a meal, look after their DC in the day time or on sleepovers), or if you can afford it find a local teenager - nurserys staff often do babysitting on the side.

• If you don't have a wide social circle - focus on building that up, and a potential partner might just turn up wtihin it.

• Try and build up some sort of social life that you can take your DS along to - pub gardens in the summer, even small cozy pubs in winter, people's houses, parties, etc. And invite people round to yours. Train him to sleep in a buggy.

• Get out and meet people when you get the chance - activities, dance classes, adult education classes, whatever you're in to and that might be hopefully what someone you'd get on well with is into too.

• Others might disagree, or you might not want to, but I did have boyfriends round at mine for dinner relatively soon in a new relationship. At 16m your DS won't have a clue that this person is a boyfriend as opposed to just a friend, and if you can get him off to bed OK, then it can work OK.

• ask your parents to have him as much as you think they're comfortable with.

• if you're quite young, consider looking to slightly older men as potential partners - personally found men in their 20s/early 30s to be much more inclined to be scared off by kids than those a little older. My DP has kids of his own so wasn't scared off at all.

• Give internet dating a go :)

I met someone new when DD was two. It lasted a year and was great, but the new bf didn't know what he wanted and I didn't want a relationship going nowhere so we broke up. We are friends again now after a year of not talking but I do find it hard - he was a nice bloke and I thought we would have had a good future together.

My advice is not to rush into things too quickly! We would have dinner at each others houses after a few dates - was easier than finding babysitter all the time. My friend had DD and i would have her boy in return.

Good luck :)

Hi Bubblensqueak - I have same question, purpleroses advice seems to be good, although I feel as though I get out quite a bit but only ever seem to meet women with children or their DHs/DPs!

I have friends who are LP who seem to meet people in bars and clubs, though I feel a bit old for that! I have sometimes noticed when I've taken DD out at weekends to parks etc. that there are maybe single fathers around - though they could just be giving their partners some time off - though I've not actually met anyone this way!

Internet dating is there in the back of my mind, but not been brave enough / found the time for it yet. Initially you would only meet people for short periods of time I'm guessing anyway, so it might be easier to fit in.

I met someone a few week ago by inviting a old male school friend to mine for a catch up. I had a friend at mine already so he brought someone.

My school friends mate turned out to be great and he has taken me out a few times. I never expected to find someone that night either.

I have a 2 year old son and not many friends but I try and get out everyday even if just for a walk

Internet dating all the way! ;) met lovely new partner on plenty of fish. He has a 2.5 yo and I have a 1.5 yo and the boys really get on! We see each other every other weekend for play dates with the kids and every other weekend doing adult stuff while the exes have the kids- its really fun.