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Original poster

It's that time of year - holidays- argh!

11 replies

wednesdaysschild · 26/03/2012 21:36

I've name-changed here.

ExP and NP want to take DS on holiday. He's just turned 3, never been on holiday before. DS is usually with his dad 2 nights a week. I think a week is enough and longer not in DS's interests. They are threatening, hassling, pushing for me to agree to 10 days because that's what would suit them as a family (NP has other older DC's) and I am potentially ruining this.

I know its only 3 days more, but I really feel a week is long enough on this first occasion.

I'm being threatened with lawyers - what can I/he do?

Any ideas/advice? Thanks folks.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 26/03/2012 23:35

He spends 2 nights week with him so clearly you trust him he has a good relationship etc. I don't see the issue why not ten day holiday? Then you can take him ten days .
Where are they panning to go ?
Has he never been elsewhere with you or dad then? No staying different at all ? I think at three you can explain idea of holiday and he will love it .

rubin · 26/03/2012 23:38

If he has only been at his dad's for 2 nights in a row maximum, I feel even a week is going to feel like a very long time for him. My feeling is that you should only agree to what you feel comfortable with & you're being more than reasonable agreeing to a week. Have you mentioned to ExP that as it is the first time you would like to keep it to a week & potentially in the future build on that. Its a gradual process.

Original poster
wednesdaysschild · 27/03/2012 00:16

Thanks for your replies.

cestlavielife I do trust him, yes, but I think ten days is too long. I would not take DS on holiday for 10 days either - I think a week at a time is enough and I'm not in a position to be able to take DS for ten days/week this year anyway.

No, DS has not been away before - not that unusual at just 3 is it? I'm certain DS will love to go on holiday and I'm happy and delighted for him to go but a week is long enough this time. Next time, longer.

Don't know where they are planning other than not UK.

rubin I think too that ten days is just going to feel too long for DS having not been away before. ExP just not interested in my reasons for not liking ten days and is getting nasty and is mostly interested in his rights and what he's entitled too.

OP posts:
ladydeedy · 27/03/2012 08:59

he's his DAD!!! Let him go and enjoy himself with him, NP and the other children. He'll probably have a ball. the concept of time is so different for children. It may seem like a long time for you but honestly, I cant imagine that it will seem that way to him.

cestlavielife · 27/03/2012 11:51

It will be fine for ds.
It will feel long to you.but
You will be fine.

Ds will be with people who care for him.
There is no logical legal reason why not go on holiday with dad. For ten days.other than your feelings really.

My dds at 2 and 4 went with their dad for three weeks. It felt long to me. But they were fine. Really.

He already spends two nights a week with no problem.

Go for it and spend the time doing nice things for yourself .

Waxtart · 27/03/2012 12:45

I'd agree with everything cestlavielife says. When are they wanting to go? How about him having some longer stays with them before they go?

Ragwort · 27/03/2012 12:48

Are you sure this isn't about YOU? Why would you stop a child from spending time with his own father when you trust him anyway for two nights during the week/

Original poster
wednesdaysschild · 27/03/2012 16:39

Ragwort I'm sure it isn't about me and I'm not stopping DS spending time with his dad, I think I'm being reasonable to be honest and I'm expressing to ExP that a week is long enough to take DS on holiday this time round IMO.

Thanks for the suggestion Waxtart its a good one. I don't know if it will fit with ExP's arrangements though as DS stays only when other DC's do - they spend time 50:50 with each parent.

OP posts:
PostBellumBugsy · 27/03/2012 16:46

He'll be fine, because he'll be with his Dad. Why wouldn't he be fine? He won't know that he is "away" as such. All he will know is that he is with his Dad. I don't really see that one week is that different to 10 days.

If you are concerned about him being separated from you for that length of time, suggest that he spends a bit more time with his Dad beforehand.

ladydeedy · 27/03/2012 18:05

I think it's wonderful that Dad and NP want to take DS away with them and her older DCs. And abroad as well. There will be a cost associated, as well as a different dynamic to their holiday. I really don't understand why you are so concerned about an additional 3 days.

Also, looking to the future, I'm sure you'll want to encourage such holidays to continue so please dont potentially jeopardise that for the sake of a few days now.

What will happen if you say no? Presumably they will go without him as 10 days is what suits DH, his NP and her children. And then DS will miss out.

RowenaRaisondetre · 27/03/2012 18:25

When you are 3 years old there's a big difference in spending 2 days with dad and going away with him for 10 days.
But, I would let him go because it is a chance for your ds to have a holiday - (don't worry there's bound to be others with you Smile) and he is safe with dad.

It's also up to your XP to deal with any hiccups (I'm not saying there'll be any) if it does get too much for ds while they are away.
So an opportunity for them both Wink

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