ex not replying to solicitors letter

[sunrise65]

hi, i´ve been posting over on relationships mostly but just wondering how long people have waited for their ex´s to reply to solicitor´s letters trying to arrange contact with DC? The letter was sent a month ago, infact he has had 2! and absolutely no word from him. i relly thought he would be quick to want to sort out seeing our DD but he seems to have disapeared off the face of the planet. it makes me nervous as I can´t help but think what is he doing..is he panning to take me to court or something.
what are your experiences of this? xx

It took my ex 6 weeks to reply to my solicitors letter, I got his (he sought advice first) on 23/12/11, and he was sent a reply on 5/1/12, which surprisingly was quite quick considering the christmas period! Then i waited to hear anything back until the day after valentines day! It felt like he was playing mind games, but then again he probably is! Hence all the mediation, i have a feeling he is going to be a bit pissed off when he realises i will only agree to shuttle mediation, and therefore wont actually get to see me!

Ok, first things first, solicitor letters are just that... letters. He could choose to ignore them, reply to them or sending flying to the bin in the shape of a plane.

So... my advice, please ask a solicitor to include a date by which you want a reply, and saying what will happen if he doesn't reply by then (ie. We are expecting to hear which days you want to spend with the children during x holiday, if we have not heard from you by then, we will proceed with our holiday bookings in the understanding no contact is planned for those dates.) But keep in mind that he still can choose to ignore the letter, however, if he decides to take you to court for "blocking contact" on such dates, you have evidence you tried to arrange contact but he didn't reply. But keep in mind, that he can choose to ginore the letter anyway.

Don't be tempted to put more pressure on him sending him more solicitors letters as he may be trying to drain the financial resources you have allocated for solicitor fees to restrict the amount of legal advice you can get at a later date.

Another tactic you may try is to push for mediation, and if he doesn't reply in several weeks put an application forward to court asking for a residence/shared residence order AND a contact order in his favour. That should get him to sort something quickly.

Bear in mind however, that the fact that he is not getting involved in trying to establish a contact pattern is bad news. Some parents are not bottered about having regular contact with their children (and to involved in enjoying their new singledom) so keep in mind that if he doesn't want contact, no court order can force him to have it.

hi, thanks for your replies. I´m not sure if I could go down the mediation route as he has been abusive. I think you may be right about the mind games. He knows I will be feeling anxious but it´s not fair on our LO. She is missing out on a relationship with her dad and if he chooses to see her at some point then it will be hard on her as she won´t remember him.
it´s reassuring that my letters are evidence that I have tried to arrange contact. (to be fiar you´d think he should be doing this!)
I feel like by him not replying it is stoping me moving on with my life as I am waiting around to see how things will turn out.
I do need him to reply though as we need to sort out what money he is going to pay me for our DC!

If he is being an arse then unlikely he will do more than the CSA amount and if not being communicative then you are better off with the CSA.
Look at their calculator, if you have all the details of where to find him, work etc they can do their stuff. And the sooner you contact them the sooner you have the money.
Hard though it is, you should concentrate on you and DD as a unit from now on. Keep copies of the letters you sent, and see his involvement in her life as a possible not probable event a could be involved if he chose not should be involved because he is her dad iyswim

Just so you know, my ex was very abusive and i have agreed to mediation, but am awaiting hearing back to find out what he is doing and have had the initial appointment. They can arrange for you to enter and exit the building seperatedly and stagger the arrivals and also for you to be in seperate rooms from each other so that you dont actually have to see him, iam ing this with my ex, and believe me he was very very abusive. My ex started the procedure just before christmas and then it took him 6 weeks to reply, i know he was keeping me waiting, his solicitors letter back stated they were sorry for the apparent delay in response but although their client had tried to contact tehm they had been unavailable..... welll of course, must be so busy sitting in the PUB!

Do phone csa, and get something put into place, you certainly cant wait around for him to do it or it will never get done.

think you are right, i will get onto teh CSA, as looks like he´s not going to sort that anytime soon. It´s weird, the last I heard off him he sent me a message saying he needs to sort out a standing order so he can pay for our DD. I didn´t reply but got my solicitor to write to him about this within a couple of days. And now no reply off the ex! Why did he say he wantd to sort out seeing our DD and money and now hé hasn´t bothered getting back about it.
struwelpeter, I do need to see it as just being me and DD from now on. It´s hard to get my head around how he was here one minute and gone the next! Cannot wait til I don´t care anymore!!

p.s. mylittlemiracle i´ve got a sneaky suspicion that the pub is where my ex is at too.

I know thats where more than likely my ex is, and you know what, he can keep his sorry arse there! I just dont want him interfereing in my life, and although he has a right to see his son, yes, but only at a contact centre, even if it gets to the stage (which ivery much doubt cos he wont keep it up) that he has him over night, he will still be picking up from a contact centre and dropping off there, non negotiable!

Before you go to mediation have it clear in your head what you want from it, the ideal solution, where you will compromise and where there is no way you feel you can compromise, write them down and stick to them, thats what pothers on here have advised and i will update if i end up at mediation. Still waiting on hearing on teh outcomes of his appointment!

thats a good tip, thank you. it seems so ridiculous that we have to go through all this to make them see their kids! i just don't get why they wouldnt want to straight away. i couldnt bare to be apart from my daughter for a few hours let alone weeks on end!

Or else its unsafe for them too so we have to make them go through all this in my case! Stupid system. I know i dont like being apart from my son, but will have to leave him with my mum while i take a couple of lots of my stuff to my new home cos i have been staying with her, but that wont seem so bad cos its to sort our lives out!

In 2007 my ex ignored all my solicitors letters about contact.

In the end my solicitor told me to get a residency order in place.

We kept writing to ex telling him everything I was requesting, court dates etc.

He ignored it all.

Now he has no rights to DS what so ever. He can't even apply for parent responsibility because he ignored everything we sent. (He denied he got the letters btw. which is another of his jackanory tales).

I think he thought this made him unresponsible financially too (dickhead emoticon).

As my solicitor said "you can't force him to see your child".

I wish we could because we're forced to be single parents aren't we.

Unless we find someone who will take on our little bundles of mischief joy.

Single parenting isnt easy, but my mum done it and there was nothing she could do, no financial support nothing, my dad died when i was literally a baby.