ExH moving to another continent

[lis496]

... and leaving his 4 yo DD behind.

Never mind that he is leaving me (getting married to OW - another story which makes me feel very sad). But is it just me who think it incredibly selfish to move so far away from his child in order to pursue his own happiness? I could NEVER leave my child behind. How can he stand even the thought of it?

And I have to cope with her having to travel al the way over there several times a year to visit him and his new family. Makes me want to scream. But I am holding it together and making it all sound fun, for her sake. Inside I feel like roasting him for what he has done. I really try to forgive and forget and move on, but my God, it is difficult.

Anyone with experience of having their children travelling around the world to see the other parent?

I read this and despite no experience would like to say what an absolute selfish bastard he is. I would never leave my child to do exactly what you say he is doing, chasing his own happiness leaving you effectively to be Sole parent , I think you are better off without him, it's your child I pity. 4 years old is a tender age and it's more than honourable of you to make it sound a great adventure. I would set strict rules about travel as depending on distance could be costly never mind lengthy trips. I would without doubt have told him privately my thoughts, as could not let him think it's all hunky dory.
Best wishes

That's really sad for you. I agree it's an awful way to treat his child. He could surely marry the OW and stay in the same country as you couldn't he?

I had an ex boyfriend whose son was in America (not his choice - the mum was American and moved back there when they split). He found it really hard seeing him so rarely. She brought him over maybe once a year, and he tried to get out there to see him once a year too. He did have nice solid bits of time with him when he did see him.

Skype is good if your DD wants to keep in touch with her dad at other times.

(Always possible his new relationship will fail and/or he'll come back at some point - but guess you can't hold your breath for that)

as you say purple ex is putting his happiness first not giving a damn about his dd who has a loving bond with him:(

My ex moved abroad before I had ds so different I know as no bond. Ex now has dd with exwife over their and ex will not leave the country as loves dd so much. So you may find ex may never come back.

It was so unfair on ds having twice yearly visits off his df and it was the best decision ex made not to see ds again at 5yrs old....ds asked for a new good daddy yesterday:(

It is hard but your dd will be better off without the selfish man. Why should your dd age 4yrs old have to travel? It should be your ex! He can't be bothered to travel to see dd as well then?

I agree with coan and you do need to let him know you are not happy with him abondoning her. I refused skype contact as a dc needs physical contact with parent as 'cyber' contact is not real and can have consequenses on how a dc forms then relationships when older..mainly cyber!

I can relate to everything you are saying. My ex moved across the water and says it's too far to visit his dd. He left for ow (marriage also) when she was nearly 4, obviously dd was devastated. Tried skype, but it didn't work. He was blunt and impatient with her. She did not want to talk to him again via skype.

I agree with seaofyou, skype is ok for occasional contact complementing physical contact. My dd has no contact now at all with his dd.

Pure selfish.

sorry ex has no contact at all with his dd

My ex was devoted to his children when we were together but once OW was on the scene he moved a 5 hour car journey away. He has now moved back but only sees them once a week. I think a lot of men see children as an extension of the woman they love at any given time.

I also have an ex who moved continents - I would never want to "make" someone stay somewhere where they are not happy.

That´s just part of life. It doesn´t always work out the way you want it to.

But it was also part of the deal that I would NOT be sending a young child over there to visit him without me there too. That would just be too confusing for my son. never mind the fact that he threatened to kidnap him

We visited him when my son was older. Who by the way is a happy well-balanced kid. He doesn´t seem to have suffered from growing up without a father around.

Ok, I agree with everything that have been said but, in more practical terms... put the anger away, and consider filling an application to court for a residence order before he leaves. (the sooner the better)

This will protect you in case he decides to take your DD with him at the last minute, or not to return her after a holiday.

In terms of contact, don't agree to anything just yet. It may be that the amount of travellling you mention in your OP is not realistic, or practical for the family. It may be that he needs to cover more of the expenses in order for contact to take place, etc etc. So don't agree to anything until you have a better idea of the implications of overseas contact.

I moved overseas with my daughter, effectively taking her away from her Dad. It was right thing for me and she has a much better life where we live now. She speaks to him on skype regularly, they play games together and try to read together. She probably has better contact with him now via skype than she did when we lived in the UK.
I take her to the UK in the summer and at Christmas and she stays with him then. He might be moving out of the UK in a couple of months which will complicate matters but...

My point is, a Skype relationship can work.