Parental Responsibility - what would you do?

[alwayshappytolisten]

Long story short....
My 10 year old DS decided 18 months ago (off his own back) that he wanted no more contact with his dad. After much talking and mulling and now counselling he hasn't budged. His dad has conceded defeat and said he wants to relinquish parental responsibility. I understand that this isn't possible (ie as we were marrried when DS was born he will always have PR) but I'm now faced with another dilemma. DS starts Secondary School in September and new school are asking for info including names/contact details of 1st/2nd/3rd contacts etc. Do I put his father's name down or not? he doesn't live locally to us. What would you do?

I wouldn't put his dads name down on the school contact form.

But I doubt he can relinquish parental responsibility. Your DS might change his mind in a few years anyway. Is his dad throwing his toys out of the pram because his DS doesn't want to see him and trying to call his bluff?

Do as your child wishes!

I would put down other emergency contacts. The contacts are generally who to call if your son is ill and they can't get hold of you. I doubt your son would want them calling his father. I think I would talk to the school anyway about the situation. It's worth them knowing.

I wouldnt and didnt put my dds dads name as a contact on her school forms when we were in a similar situation to you.
My dd was 14 when she decided after many years of being put way down the list of her dads priorities to cut contact with him and we informed the school and got emergency contacts changed to another family member. My dd said she would rather be with anyone in an emergency than her dad.

I think it depends what the form says exactly. My DS' form said "please provide details of all those with parental responsibility and anyone else you would wish to be contacted in the case of an emergency." So I had to provide XH's details, although I also told the school that he chooses not to have any contact with DS.

I think the reason why schools like to know who has parental responsibility is because some doctors will only treat children in an accident, once they have permission from a parent. Presumably they would treat them immediately if it were a matter of life or death - but if not, there could be a delay whilst parental permission were sought.

Regardless of your sons wishes, if anything happened to you, your ex will be responsible for your son.

Is there anyone else (grandparent/aunt/uncle/older sibling) who could apply to the court for PR? You could put them on the form then, too.

Legally, the school must send reports to all adults with PR which is why they need the details - i think if i were you id give them details and explain the situation but if your ex isn't interested then he's unlikely to complain if the school don't keep him informed.
A local school near me recently got into trouble for accepting the word of one parent - the absent parent had been excluded by the school on the say so of the child and her mother!

Who has PR for a child is a different question to who is their emergency contacts as some NR parents who do see their children regularly can live a 3 hour drive away or as in my friends case in a completely different country so it would be no use putting him as an emergency contact.

Thanks for the replies. His dad does indeed live 3 hours away so he would be useless in an emergency, over and above everything else. And I hadn't even thought about something happening to me - we have no other blood relatives in the country. I think I will probably leave him off the contacts list and explain the situation to the school with regards to the impact on school reports etc.

I have never put ex's details on anything for school as he was not int touch at the time DS started school. He has never seen school reports nor asked for them and would be no use in an emergency. He was emergency contact when DS was at nursery but when he did get called he resented it and felt they ought to be calling the mother first (despite me working and being an hour away and him not working being 15 minutes away!).

If the school has a legal obligation to send school reports, that would depend on the parent filling in the forms knowing where the other parent lives. I haven't always known where ex lives!

The Department for Education issue guidance to schools about this as schools have got themselves caught up in conflicts between parents on numerous occasions.

The full guidance is here

But in summary it appears that schools should be asking you (as the parent with day to day care) about "parents" or "parental responsibility". If they do ask, and you fail to give them the information you have (even just a name) and then your DC's other parent subsequently complains or even takes legal action against the school, then it might drag you into it if you have not been open about it

i'm divorced from my daughters father, have been for 10 yrs now and she hasn't seen him for 5 years almost now as the court have blocked all direct contact and he hasn't taken up the indirect contact ordered, however, he does have PR and i wouldn't even try and remove that as regardless he is her father but when she went to her new school i gave them my details and outlined the situation regarding her father to the school, he has the rights to copies of reports and notices etc so they need his details incase he ever did decide to contact the school and they had to verify his identity so the school said that all they needed as his name and no contact details as they wouldn't contact him anyway in case of emergency they have another contact, you do have to protect the school and if the parent has PR then the school need to know but most are more than happy to have a note on file that ensure they are not contacted if there are court orders in place

Thanks for the link Notadisneymum, that's exactly the information I needed :)