Splitting the DC's for holiday

[feelingpositivemum]

Hi, I wanted to ask for some quick advice please. I have 4 DC's aged 15, 13, 9 and 8 and my ExH continuously asks me if we can split them two and two for half terms so that they can go away and do appropriate holidays for their age group.

I am worried that this could be divisive as kids are so competitive and they may compare what each are doing. I have so far refused but he will not let it go and I feel pushed to compromise.

A quick history is that he was emotionally abusive in the marriage and can be very manipulative. He wants to take the DC's on up to 4 holidays a year with him which if I matched (I can't afford to) would be obviously 8. I think this is unhealthy to bring them up with such high expectations of holidays that they probably won't be able to maintain when they are adults.

Am I overthinking this as I feel so pressured by him. I have said we should go to mediation but he feels we should sort ourselves.

Does anyone else split their DC's or should they stay together.

You dont have to match.

Kids may look back and know he gave them great holidays and that is fine but they will also know what you do day to day.

If dc happy to split then fine .

8 holidays a year...madness
I wouldn't split the dc tbh...

oh dear, can't he cope with all four children?

being hormonal and grumpy I am thinking he does not want to let you have a brreak, he wants to be the fun parent without the responsibilities of all four. but then again, I am hormonal.

Sorry to hear you're feeling pressured. But personally I think his idea is a good one. All you DDs will get a chance for more attention and to do age appropriate stuff. Otherwise they'll all miss out some of the time because of their sisters being too old/young for things they'd enjoy. Whichever two he's not taking might enjoy just having time at home with you. I'd tell him your concerns about them all feeling fairly treated and ask what his plans are. Me and my ex have a weekend or two each year when we each have 1 DC and they love it.

Well, it's not 8 holidays a year per child, it's 4.
How about he split them for one of the trips, but takes all 4 together on the other? And you only have to "match" that if you want to.

Thanks for your replies. I think it is a mixture of all you have said. He certainly doesn't like to have all four, he relentlessly tries to take just a couple. This is because whatever he does is is for him so taking four is just hard work whereas taking 2 he can use them as friends and company and do what he wants. As the older ones are teens they refuse to do mostly what he wants so stay at his house and he takes the younger two of.

I wouldn't be so resistant if the youngest hadn't cried when he was being picked by him early and on his own the other week. I asked him why and he just said he always wants to go with the others.

I think I'll split the October half term and they can have older/ younger time then.

We mostly split 50/50 otherwise so I'm not restricting their time with him, just worry it should be together. (I worry they are support for each other as he is an angry person)

If he takes all four on four holidays a year then if I was to do the same it would be 8. As the DC don't want to go away so much, they want to spend time with friends/ vegging then he becomes the 'holiday' parent and I stay at home so they can do what they really want to do which is potter around at home. They are very underwhelmed by so many holidays and in fact the oldest has refused to do so many as she wants/has to stay at home and revise/ sleep!