Guilt

[newhorizon]

Sorry just need to offload, how can a parent walk off from a young child and totally foget they exist? Ex left over a year ago for ow and abandoned our young dd in the process, she was devastated but has now come to terms that her father is not around anymore. I am pursuing him for child maintenance through the legal channels but it's taking some time.

I created a memory book for her (I know something you would do when someone dies, but I thought it would be good for her to know who her father/family is). She just said to me this morning, I don't know my daddy anymore, all from the mouth off babes - she was looking through the memory book. She dosen't talk about him much, just now and again. She's no association with him anymore I suppose. Her life has moved on with starting school, making freinds etc.

I feel so guilty for getting involved with such low-life - how do you move on from this guilt? Don't get me wrong, we are perfectly happy, it's just every now and again my dd says something that just makes me cringe.

Don't really know what I'm looking for here, but just wondered I suppose has anyone been in the same situation? and also did your ex make any attempt to contact your dc's years later?

You have nothing to be guilty for. You're not responsible for his actions.

It is his fault he no longer wants to see his daughter.

I think if you're just supportive if, in later life, she wants to try and find him.

I see it from both points of view. My father has never wanted to see me and I'm 32.

That was his choice he is responsible for that.

My ex has been in and out of DS's life and it is now at the point that I won't let him back in because I refuse to deal with consequences for when he walks again.

I know I'm doing the right thing and I have no guilt about it. Ex is guilty of being the biggest piece of shit ever

Thank you Tea, I know I have nothing to feel guilty for but it's shameful he has decided to ignore her existence. How could I get involved with such a twat. I just can't understand it, he was there for her birth, looked after her every need, watched her crawl, walk, talk and then leave her when she was 4. How can someone just switch off like that? He's someone in his mid 40's so should have more sense.

When she's older she will want some answers and I will support her all the way but if he came knocking now, I'm not sure how I would react. Let him abandon her for a second time? She was devastated first time around and has just readjusted to life without him.

I don't blame you for not letting your ex back into your dd's life - you cannot depend on him and from what you say, he seems to continuously let her down. It's a hard one. I think it's only natural to protect your off spring - but then we don't own them and they are as much entitled to know both parents, but at what cost?

Thats a great point.

I know we dont own them and I didn't want to be one of those mums that doesn't let the ex see their child but then I thought about it from another way.

What about all those children that are removed by SS because their parents aren't doing a great job or are unable to be parents.

They are moved to foster care grandparents etc because its whats in the best interests of the child. I know my son would seriously not be able to handle the let down again. He didn't really handle it last time and we had a bad time of it for a few months.

I know that I'm doing the right thing for my DS