I want to pack up and tell them both to F off.

[mustresisttemptation]

Ok this is very long and complicated but I will try and be brief.

I split up with my ex...lets call him TOM 10 years ago we have a DS (13). Over the last year my DS has become very withdrawn and quiet. It turns out TOM has been telling him I am a prostitute, I wanted an abortion when I was pregnant with DS, I prefer my DD (2) to him etc etc..

I spoke with my DS who begged me not to tell TOM I knew what had been said, because TOM would not want to see him any more.....so I kept quiet and advised DS to tell TOM that his little talks upset him and he was there to visit his dad not talk about me.

TOM had not seen DS since before xmas and finally decided to see him in the middle of February. DS decided it would be a 'good idea' to bring his xbox back without telling TOM, as he had been told it may be 2 weeks before he sees him again.......thats when all mother of sh*tstorms broke loose.

TOM not only forced his way into my home for the xbox, but punched me in the face, called his son a f*cking thief and said he never wanted to see him again or pay child support. Later I actually managed to record him (twice) saying how if a child support letter came through his door I would have my face sliced open.

Obviously I called the police, and contacted the CSA, (turns out he has only paid half what he is supposed to for the last 10 years). TOM now has an harassment order against him and I have a DV marker on my home in case he turns up.......but it gets better....

Turns out that since this...TOM and his gf have phoned SS saying I leave my children alone at night, DWP saying I have someone living with me, (I wish), and my work making serious allegations against me....I have actually been suspended as the job I do involves Data Protection and they have to investigate any complaint.

Before all this kicked off I split with my recent other half...lets call him HARRY...we have a 2 year old DD....

He has not only spent valentines evening with TOM, discussing me, (whilst my DS was there plotting to take his xbox), but refused to pay any Child support till today and said he does not want to see his DD because he needs a life....wtf!

HARRY lives 3 streets away in a small village, so it's pretty hard to avoid him and DD keeps asking if Daddy is at work!

HARRY has now gone round telling everyone he knows that I won't let him see DD and painting himself out to be superdad. I have even had the police round because he has said I am threatening him.....untrue...I did however (in temper) plaster all over facebook that he didn't want to see his daughter.

I have had enough, I am ready to take the kids and move someplace nobody knows me, and I don't have to deal with the pair of them...after all TOM + HARRY = DICK to the power of 2

Omg...I just don't know what to say to you....men are such knobs aren't they!!!!
Would you move with your dc? Move far away so neither of the twats can harass you ....

I have lived where I am in the North for over 10 years and have a good network of friends....it does feel a little like I am being a burden on them at the moment.

I do however have friends and family down south and I am sorely tempted to go there....just can't afford it.

However I have looked at Cheshire not too far in case the DC's dads do want to see them, plenty of jobs and a very nice area to live....It's just taking that leap and uprooting the DC's....2 yr old not too bad, it's an adventure. 13 yr old will think I am the most evil thing ever taking him away from his friends.

I was going to pull him out of his current school anyway as it is under performing...personally I don't have too much trouble making new friends and a fresh start is probably just what we need.

Sounds like a plan
I know your ds might not like the idea at first (I have a 12 and 14 year old ds) but he'll soon make new friends I'm sure. And if you're happier and not getting all that hassle then it'll def be worth if.....

Do you rent or own your home?

If you rent then as SS will have been informed of the situation with the DS's dad they MAY have some useful hints/tips etc in order to help you move. If you aren't happy with your child's schooling and at 13 poor kid'll be hearing on the grapevine the crap being said about his Mum. That's just wrong on so many levels. It's worth asking.

Don't worry about the ex's SS allegations, in the process of investigating they'll discover the assualt. He'll dig his own hole there as the attack was reported.

Are the police pressing charges re the assault? If so this will kinda help sort out the work issues for you.

HARRY - you need to somehow tell him (maybe the Grandparents can help here if you approach them diplomatically?) that his flesh and blood is potentially at risk of serious harm here and that no matter what issues he has with you, he needs to stay away totally OR man up and help HIS kid not pour petrol on a fire. If the Grandparents can't approach him, can one of his friends? IF the break up is recent he'll hear the mesaage best from an "outsider" to your relationship best.

IF you do move then go where YOUR support system is best, neither Dad deserves any consideration at all right now. Being a parent involves a modicum of responsibility - these men are more interested in destroying you than helping their kids. Not only are they not paying for the kids food, they are messing with your livehood so you can't feed em either! YOU and the kids are the only ones that count right now!

If you stay put then stfu - no more facebook rants, no public response to either of them. You are NEVER at home as far as they are concerned. When on the street you stick your nose in the air and march right by them - no matter the provocation!

Retain your dignity at all costs! I went through summat similar when DS was a baby, and so I know the gossip eventually backfires on them if YOU are seen to be going about the day to day business of being a decent Mum while they wallow in their idiocy. It nearly killed me to do it at the time, but long term I won. Play the VERY dignified discreet long game.