single mum meal time stress - how do you cope?

[elfgypsy]

I am finding at mealtimes that I only have time to organize dd's food and help her with it and then get her cleaned up and out of her chair, my time to actually eat is practically zero, i thought it would get easier but she is over a year old now and my eating stress is still happening, how do other lone parents do it? do you eat separately when they are in bed? isn't that more work cos there are 2 different meals to organize? I feel so knackered when she has gone to bed that I just want some time to 'be' ... sigh... any thoughts..?

I never ever ate dinner with my children, that's how I coped. I used to cook them a hot meal at lunchtime, and just have a sandwich, then at tea time, when they were tired and radgy and can't-be-arsed-to-eat, they got egg on toast or a sandwich and fruit. Then when they were in bed, I would have some dinner.

Sometimes my after-bed dinner would be an put-up portion of whatever they had had for lunch, rammed in the microwave, sometimes it would be a particularly non child friendly meal, such as chilli and salt chicken wings. It made me feel better.

I always used to try to eat with DS - I'd make dinner and he'd have whatever I was having (chilli, curry, pasta, salad, whatever). If I'm struggling, he eats alone while I sit at the table witha cup of tea and I eat rubbish when he's in bed. I find mealtimes difficult as I miss adult company and it always feels a bit lonely.

Mealtimes ARE stressful. I especially struggle with the cooking time as DD always wants to be cuddled. Have always eaten the same meal as DD at the same time, don't always get to finish though! (But that's probably for the best.) Now I usually finish before her, but she eats better when I'm eating at the same time as her.

Can your DD feed herself a bit more? If she finishes before you, perhaps have a toy to hand so she can play at the table until you've finished your meal and can take her to get cleaned up? Eat more quickly? Does she need a lot of help? Perhaps leave her to it a bit more, would that work?

I've always involved DS in meal preparation, even when he was small, sitting him in the high chair beside me so he could watch. Once he was big enough, he would drag the step stool over and stand beside me nicking stuff off the chopping board as I prepared things. I used to get a bit cross about this because he wouldn't eat so much at the table later but figured it was good that he was getting to know food and how to prepare it. I think when he was a baby I didn't always eat with him and when he was at full time nursery, he wasn't hungry when he got home as he had tea there. He now has tea with me every day even if he has already had 3 portions at after school club. It's the best way to make sure I eat a decent meal too as I used to be too knackered by the time he was in bed or couldn't be bothered to make all the effort for a meal for one.

I find menu planning really helps. Never used to do it as it seemed boring. It gives me something to look forward to, knowing what I'm having for tea, I use up ingredients that need to be used up, get a better variety of meals and can prepare better in advance. I write the menus on a small whiteboard in the kitchen.

OP if your DD isn't that good with cutlery yet, go for foods that are easier with fingers, go for things that you like and introduce her to new tastes.

Thanx for input she does self feed a lot but it I also help her, she is just getting to grips with the spoon which feels hopeful. I use the BabyLedWeaning cookbook which is great for getting a variety of easy to handle foods, and I plan meals, it helps a lot and I am def learning more as I go along, she is unpredictable tho and sometimes won't eat what I have made so I spend more time frantically trying to prep something healthy that she will eat so she doesn't wake me up for milk in the middle of the night, something that I worked hard to wean her off of...really trying to avoid stuffing her with sweet things like bananas and custard but it is tough when she throws the main meal on the floor and shouts and I know she is hungry...I know its a classic fussy baby thing but how I respond feels so important...I am also going through having to move house stress (looking for somewhere and getting a lot of rejections) at the mo so I feel less resourced than I might. Its good to hear from you all, thankyou

Eat afterwards, make yourself some of whatever she's having, then microwave it. Eventually you can eat together (about age 3.5 in my exp!)

I've always managed to eat with my kids but it can be stressful. I try to cook in bulk and freeze portions so that sometimes I don't have as much preparation to do at times. Does your dd have to come out of the high chair as soon as she's finished or would she be happy to play while you finish your meal. Is she able to feed herself at all. Could you just put her meal in front of her while you eat yours and see if she manages to feed herself a bit?

my dd picks up the bowl of food and throws the bowl around and then onto the floor (even tho it is suctioned down, she has figured out how to get it loose), I now take it off her when she starts to do that but then have to feed her from it or put the food straight onto the tray, but that seems to undermine that I am trying to teach her to eat from the bowl, either with a fork/spoon or with her hands
she just seems fascinated with banging her bowl and cup and throwing them down to the ground...I am not impressed when I have put her carefully prepared dinner in there :(

I eat separately. It was miserable trying to eat with them all the time.

Just going to have my dinner now, in peace .

My DS used to do a lot of the bowl throwing and banging. One solution is just to put pieces of food one at a time on the highchair tray or table in front of the high chair. I used to just pass things to DS, also try a mat under the highchair which you can keep clean for meal times, then just pass back the food that has dropped. You could put pieces of food in the bowl for her one at a time too.

If you offer alternative meals she will continue to expect to be offered a choice and you may find it very hard to get her just to eat what you have prepared in the first place.

The book 'My Child Won't Eat' is supposed to be very helpful, I'll confess I haven't read it yet though! www.amazon.co.uk/My-Child-Wont-Eat-mealtimes/dp/1780660057/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1331846562&sr=8-1

i always ate when dd ate otherwise I never ate at all. Big cooked lunch with something on toast for tea worked for us. Too knackered by 4.30pm to consider anything else. I could never manage the idea of supper after she'd gone to bed. Or get pizza, ready meals, takeaways, bulk cooking frozen so it can go in microwave. This is a small phase, it'll be different again in a few months so don't drive yourself mad. Survive it, one day the dust will settle xx