Good things about being a lone-parent...

[Grockle]

I've been finding it hard adjusting to being a single-parent again, after DP moved out. I'm tired from working/ cleaning/ cooking/ doing laundry and the constant treadmill of life. I've been cross and short-tempered with my poor DS and I feel tired and snappy all the time because I'm constantly nagging & repeating myself (DS has a hearing problem)

So, I hoped that if other people shared their positives of lone-parenting, that it might help me remember why this is good.

Not having to deal with DS's father is a plus.

I love doing things with just me & DS.

There is a point of every evening, when my two are tucked up in bed, sleeping, happy, fed, watered, safe and loved, and no matter how tough the day has been I can take pride in the fact that "I did that!" I got them through another day unscathed; they love me, and I love them and they are safe.

I'm probably coming to the end of my time as a single parent soon - moving in with DP sometime this summer. Mostly I'm happy and excited, but there are a few things I've been realising I'm sad to leave behind.

• The freedom to go where you want when you want. If I call round a friend's house for a cup of tea, and they invite me to stay to dinner, I can. There is no one to rush home for.

• I get to make all the decisions, and can do things the way I want to. I decide how much time my kids can play on computers, whether they help wash up, what time they go to bed, etc.

• We can go and visit my family as often as I like and there are no inlaws to endure visits with.

• The excitement of meeting new people, dating etc - can be a chore and sometimes stressful, but also fun at times. It's also part of a chance to discover who you are, as yourself, not as part of an unhappy couple.

• And, if you sort something reasonable out with your ex, real solid chunks of time off looking after the kids. Not something I ever got as part of a family, but it was a chance to take up a new hobby, and get out and enjoy being single once a week or so.

• Sole ownership of the TV remote control (grin)

Not having to pick up after a man child.
Not having to deal with said man child's emotional/psychological problems.
Less washing.
Less cooking.
Less tidying.
Everything gets done your way.
No one questions the way you do things.
Free time when DC are in bed (no expectations that this time will be spent with someone else)
No conflict.
No dealing with ILs.
Not having to shave your legs!
I'm sure I could think of many more but I'll end up sounding bitter! :)

Not having shite food in the fridge .
Having a king sized bed to myself.
When I get up in the night to deal with grizzling / illness at least there isn't someone snoring / ignoring me back in the bed.
No laundry on the floor.
Being able to stick an imaginary 2 fingers up to XP when your DS does rather well at school.

Aw Meglet thanks for the positive thread. Just what I needed for a crappy Sunday night, where I am dreading having to go to work tomorrow.

So, in the spirit of the thread............

Time to sit on the laptop and control what's on TV at the same time

Knowing that I fancy a bacon buttie for supper, and not having to a) share or b) listen to nags that it's not good for me to eat this late

To not have to iron a shirt for useless ExP for tomorrow

Ok, this is true - no having to clean the bath after DP and far less food and dishes to wash. And now I get all the cuddles (as well as all the strops).

I think I was just finding it hard being the only one to discipline DS. There is no-one to back me up. Oh well, I shall look more brightly on this again, Thank you

I get to make meals that the DCs and I like but the ex wouldn't entertain
the kids can have friends over whenever they want rather than when their dad is out
we can all sit in the living room to watch trashy tv rather than DCs being banished to their bedroom
if DCs are poorly then they can come into my bed rather than me having to get into theirs
we got some guinea pigs (strange I know but there was a no pets rule)
if I want to eat cheese on toast because I'm knackered and can't be arsed cooking a proper meal I can
I don't have to back up his disciplin when I don't agree with it
oldest DC is now allowed to stay up later than younger DC and we have some right chats in that 20minutes

and come 9pm I have ultimate control of the tv!!!

Making meals that include vegetables and havng one less person moaning about it.
Spending a lot less money on stuff, stuff and more stuff
Having the whole bed to myself
Being able to turn the heating down, and open the windows
Being able to have friends round or go round to friends at the drop of a hat
Being able to switch the tv off when there is nothin worth watching
Never being undermined when parenting (well in my house anyway, he still try's from affar)
Not getting shouted at or ignored
A LOT less paperwork
Not feeling guilty for not wearing the things he bought me, that I never liked
Not getting that sinking feeling when I pull up a home and see his van parked up already.
Less clutter

Jeez. I am glad he has gone!

Nice thread :)

For me - not having mountains and mountains of clutter and mess to live with!
I tidy the house and it stays tidy.
Having my dd constantly tell me what a lovely mum I am and how much she loves me (linked to how much less stressed and happier I am I think!)
Being proud of providing a lovely, calm happy home for my kids all by myself.
Choosing my own furniture - which isn't ex's complete crap!
Choosing my own food - stocking the fridge with stuff I like - rather than trail round after ex looking for low cost high fat rubbish!
Not having my ex huff and puff if I needed him to do the tiniest bit of childcare!
Not having to trail around with ex at weekends looking for stuff he wanted to buy.
Not having to visit hideous inlaws.
PEACE PEACE PEACE!!!!!!

xxx

One other one: being able to cook using olive oil or butter. Have you ever tried to make roast potatoes without either?!
Not an easy task!

Ooh purple and meglet, your posts really made me feel happy about being a single mum too :)
Hope they cheered you up too Grockle. I know what you mean about the discipline thing...

I love that what I say goes...DS can't go to another parent if he doesn't like the answer he's got

I know not all single parents have this but I like how close DS and I are. His headteacher mentioned how close we are the other day.

I like that I can have spontanious days. If I fancy a day out I can just grab DS and go. Things can be quite cheap when there's only 2 of you. It also makes me feel that I've still got my independance.

I hate that I have to do bloody everything!!!

'Being able to stick an imaginary 2 fingers up to XP when your DS does rather well at school.'

'Making meals that include vegetables and having one less person moaning about it.' So true!

And yes, PEACE PEACE PEACE!

Thank you - this has really helped. Lovely thoughts on here.

I love the way the atmosphere in the house has changed now he is no longer here giving us thunderous looks and we tiptoe around hoping he won't explode in temper

Also my relationship with daughter has improved no end - we talk so much more, are better friends and like someone else said she now spends evenings with me rather than banished to her room avoiding him.

Taking virtually all of the credit for a having a fabulous kid.

Can I suggest you get your groove on to the right kind of music.... My first suggestion is Beyonce - All the single ladies.

Please feel free to add to the list anyone - go on- through your hands up at me......

what a positive thread

am not a single parent but used to be

and i actually rather enjoyed it tbh. these are the things i liked the most

doing what i wanted to do

feeling proud of the job i was single-handedly doing

control of the TV remote ;)

bed to myself

having the house how i wanted it

dating

no man child to look after

the peace and quiet after bedtime

I love this thread. For me, being able to make decisions about the house without endless discussions with someone else. Starting DIY jobs that ACTUALLY get finished and no smelly socks on the floor. Totally expect this to change when my sons get older.

Living on my own with two children is actually easier than living with an alcoholic husband, and every day I manage on my own I know that I am stronger than I ever thought possible and I think GO ME!

I am about to become a single parent and to be honest was a bit scared. Feel much better after reading this thread!!!! :o

Being able to be "ME" warts and all....

having full control over what happens within my house
not having to tread carefully to not anger exp
having control over the tv remote
no nagging about the amount of time im online of an evening
no nagging about me smoking, especially when ive just driven a long journey/endured a shopping trip etc (ironic really as he was also a smoker)
Not having to shave my legs if i dont want to
deciplining the dcs as i see suitable
not having to feel resentful cos im running around doing everything whilst hed be lazing on the sofa asleep
having me time, since splitting hes met and almost married another women and is now the perfect family man, has them overnight and everything, great as I never got me time before and now i have days and nights!
Not having to think of/consider anyone except me and dcs eg heating, food shopping etc etc
Not having to feel im looking after 4 children

What a fab thread.

Having a massive wobble today, this has set me right back on track!

Will add :-
Double the wardrobe space.
Snuggly lie-ins with ds (h was a huffy early riser).
Real butter.

Yy to double the wardrobe space....and the sofa all to myself.

I feel really free to be me. I can breathe.
I can give my beautiful kids all the love without worrying about a partner.
I am friends with their dad and I love him far more that way.
I am not so caught up in what I thought my life would be. It can be whatever it is.
We can go with the flow, help our friends, be carefree.
I know that I am strong & resilient. My kids see that too.
I can see that what I feared is really rather great.

I can see friends and family when I want to
I can go to bed when the baby does if I need extra sleep
I don't need to feel guilty about an untidy house
I don't have to spend every other weekend being treated like an evil step mother :o
No more takeaways or ready meals
I treat myself to an organic vegetable box delivery every week
I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore
No more nasty text messages
I have lost weight :)
Most of all having lovely dd time all to myself x

I am so much happier being a single parent.

I get to make all the decisions myself.
I'm not undermined in front of the kids.
There is no big debate over all decisions.
No one to put me or the kids down.
Chance to rediscover "me" when I don't have the kids.
Having kind people looking out for me as they know I'm on my own.
I always did all the work around the house and with the kids but now I'm on my own I don't feel resentful about it.
Having space for myself in the evenings and control of the TV (would say control of the remote but it doesn't work!)