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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

TIRED of the struggle and emptiness

5 replies

alwayshappytolisten · 06/03/2012 23:07

Need to vent.

I've been divorced (acrimoniously) for 6 years and my DS is 10. We're close and have a good relationship. For various reasons he has no contact with his dad so I am a 100% lone parent. I have no family in this country (I settled here many years ago when I married) and have only one really close friend. I am heavily in debt and even though I have a good job and earn above the national average, every day is a struggle. I dread the weekends and holidays as I know that just leaving the house is a cost and I'm constantly juggling things so that my DS doesn't feel 'different' to his peers (we rent in a leafy middle class part of London).

I am fed up with doing it all alone and would love to be able to share this journey with someone else but for the above reasons, I rarely get out during adult-only time. I also work in an almost all-female department.

To the outside world I am confident, capable and together but in reality every time I come home and close the door the walls feel like they're closing in on me. I'm consumed by how long the road ahead seems and the loneliness is eating away at me. I try to get us out of the house as much as possible to keep busy (even if we just walk all the free sites of London....AGAIN...every weekend) but that respite is only temporary. I find myself wishing my DS would get older quicker so that I will have more chance to get out where I feel less alone.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?

OP posts:
NowThenWreck · 07/03/2012 11:34

Yes!
I don't normally look in Lone Parents, but I saw nobody had replied and didn't want you to feel even more lonely!
I am lucky, in that I do have some family support, but the evenings can be long and lonely.

Even though I can occasionally get out in the evening, I dont have loads of people to socialise with.
I keep thinking I would like to start doing a dance class-ceroc maybe, or salsa, but I find it hard to motivate myself to do it alone.

Have you tried online dating? I have done it, and although I never had more than a fling from it, found it quite entertaining. It was also nice to get taken out by a man once on a while (not to mention a bit of sex and male attention!)
If you can get a babysitter (and as your ds is ten maybe your options are a bit wider in this regard since he is not a baby.) do try and organise nights out
sometimes.
I can also relate to the "not wanting ds to feel different" feeling.We also live in a "naice" area, and have no money, no car, rent our house etc.

Having said that, I tell myself that it's good to be different.Wink

Also, don't feel like its totally your job to entertain your son.
It's great that you want to take him out and do nice things, but if I remember back to when I was a kid, my parents took us camping once a year, and ,er...that was it! I see it as your job to make sure he is able to hang out with other kids, and has his own social life.

You need to make your life fuller, join a class, make more friends. Its hard to meet decent men, but the wider your social circle, the more likely it is that you will stumble across one.
And I need to take my own advice!

cestlavielife · 07/03/2012 12:24

hi you sound like me! NW london, good job but no spare money, having to rent etc have girls 9 and 11 (and older son 15 who has autism)

happy to share stories and wine

x

cherrycRed · 07/03/2012 21:01

Wine is gooood. :)

I'm feeling exactly the same way. Tired of being independent all the time. It's a lonely existence.

Trying to venture out and meet new people seeing as absolutely none of my so called 'friends' bothered for my birthday. Then remembered I was a mumsnet member. :o

I'm trying to remain positive, and look forward to the better, more sociable days ahead. But I fully relate to how it feels and agree with NowThenWreck.

alwayshappytolisten · 07/03/2012 21:56

Thanks for the replies. I have done online dating quite a lot actually (not without success :) )and until just over a year ago my DS was seeing his dad fairly regularly so I was getting some time to myself and was out whenever I could be. But that all changed and since then I've been pretty much house-bound. DS (due to the circumstances) has also become more clingy and fearful of me going anywhere without him (outside school or working hours). Me going out on a school night is out of the question as he doesn't sleep until I come home (for fear that I won't) and that is just disruptive to his schooling. Not to mention the fact that I can't afford to pay a babysitter. My friend helps out when she can on the weekend but she has her own family and the challenges that come with that so isn't always available to me.

Wine is one of my best friends :) we get together in front of the telly every Friday and Saturday night.

Cherry, Happy belated birthday! I try to be positive too and focus on all the things I have to be grateful for. I also do a lot of volunteering through work which helps me feel like I'm contributing and gives me perspective, but every now and then the load just feels really heavy.

It's good to be able to have somewhere to share that though (another thing to be grateful for Grin)

OP posts:
AMAZINWOMAN · 08/03/2012 08:05

is there a Gingerbread group by you? You can bring children with you, during the evening and meet other single parents too.

Singlewith kids provide holidays for single parents and kids, although you do have to pay for the holiday.

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