social services.....OMG i could scream....

[lashes4]

hi all im new on here but just wanted to rant....

basically social services are involved i have residence and my ex has kids at weekends...well social services have to do a section 7 they came to see us worked with kids, said weekend contact is not working and in fact didnt have a nice thing to say about my ex...but oh no now they have wrote the report there is nothing in this to indicate anything they have said i am at court on friday, my poor kids have said and told them they dont want to go at the weekends and sleep but have ss put this in the report no...im fuming and am waiting for the manager to call me anyone got any suggestions please...

the kids say they have no tea have no breakfast, my ex drinks all the time when the kids are there and even though the kids havent told sw have told him they dont want to sleep, and must say sw has said he believes them he still not doing anything about it....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i am livid i feel like telling them they are a waste of time and i hate to say it but no wonder there are poor neglected children out...i dont want mine to be another statistic...the kids are my life...

Do you have legal support? Discuss with them that the report does not contain what was said by the social workers.
Could you speak to the court? Ask for the hearing to be adjourned as you contest the contents of the report?

What did the team manager say?

I take it that it is CAFCASS who have written the section 7 report?

I'm not 100% sure what you are saying - are you saying that Social Services are investigating your XH's ability to look after the children on weekends.

If the kids are not being fed and don't want to go in the first place, then you would be justified in preventing them from going, surely?

What exactly are social services trying to do???

I think this thread would be better in a diff section rather than AIBU . There is a lone parent section full of lovely ladies.

thank you all for your quick replies...

well sw has to do a recommendation for the courts as to how residence and contact is going..contact is causing the children to be upset and anxious...and cry..kids have said they want to see ex but dont want to sleep.....sw is doing the report not cafcass as sw was already involved...

the kids have said there not getting fed it was addressed in court before and the judge even gave times when kids need meals etc...but now the kids are saying it again and ss are putting this in the report but because the kids havent disclosed it themselves they cannot comment...they said they cannot ask direct questions, but kids are not going to say it if not prompted they dont know to tell them....

i do have a solicitor who has sent an email today asking exactly what they are doing as they are to make a recommendation, but ss said they have put my concerns in but have asked the judge to make a decision..surely if they can come into my home saying they think kids should have alternate 1 night a week contact etc then why cant they put that in the report...

i didnt want it adjourned, they have had 4 month to do this updated section 7 and have been involved for approx 18months now so know exactly what the kdis have been through and are going through...

if they let this continue then my poor kids will just have a unhappy childhood,

just so fed up....

can i move the thread myself, wasnt sure where to post....embarrassed:

thank you again...well surprise surprise manager not free so no comment..sw not in this afternoon and report is now sent to the courts...what a waste of time...so upset at the moment...this is going to stay the same i know it...:(

@lashes4

can i move the thread myself, wasnt sure where to post....embarrassed:

Don't be embarrassed! We've moved your thread to Lone Parents now. How you find the support you need.

well i should have said i am a DAD hope im still allowed to use mumsnet..but looking through the threads i think im the only male....

would also like to say the mother got evicted out of her home with my kids and came to live with me due to appaulling living conditions so no food in the cupboard, no bedding dirty soiled nappies on the mattress on the floor is just the norm for this mother...i have tried to support her but she would rather live the single lifestyle..if it was me doing this then i wouldnt have contact if i did it would be in a contact centre...just pissed off with the whole local authority system at the moment..just seems so unfair for my kids.....

Is there any way that you can request a different assessment by CAFCASS to be done?

Doesn't make any difference to you using Mumsnet (inappropriate name imo) if you are a Dad in my opinion. Welcome to the site and I hope you get some helpful advice.

Social workers can't ask leading questions but you are right to state in court that you are concerned about them not being given regular meals. Could you put them up some food -how old are the children?

hi the kids are 4, 5 and 7 they go for 3 days so cant do meals up for them, i personally think the 3 days are too much for the kids too....

they were put in to bed with no tea and were crying because they were hungry, so mam brought them a bag of crisps. of course i informed ss but mum said she made them pizza and chips. kids said they never had pizza and chips and also they dont get breakfast....so is a concern also the 5 year old is on a dairy free diet but mum no longer buys her special milk etc and when gives her choc etc she tells her not to tell me...its a mess and cannot see any way of it resolving itself.....

Is your gp supportive ?
What about health visitor?

Also if occurs in future after a visit write down what ss has said and email to them "this is to confirm that on the visit on xx date we discussed the following concerns.

List them.

And you expressed the view which I agree with that. Xxxxxxxx"

That way it is in writing ?

Maybe your solicitor can ask for ss to be called to give evidence to the court ? Somehow .

It does sound as tho kids would be better of with more limited contact with your ex

thank you for your reply....

have got the report and am upset by it today...at court friday and it just more or less states my ex is saying im jealous when she gets a new BF...so far from the truth....and really everything ss have said to me in my home is not supported in the report and it just looks like we dont get along and its personal between us as parents....

the fact that she doesnt stay in with the children at weekends has been noted but ss are saying they dont believe it to be an issue as they are left with relatives...yes 1 was 14 judge told her not to leave them again with anyone so young..

the kids havent really expressed what they have told me, they have said it in front of my wider family...

there was an incident last year where the kids witnessed DV with my ex and her then partner, they were very distressed told police and ss they did not want to see mum, now in the report ss are saying there was no evidence to this...how can they say this when they done role play have pictures and then police noting this..also ss have sent me an email to say they agreed with my decision to keep the children so how can they be so laid back about it...

now 4 months later she has another new BF and they were both arressted drunk and disordly for arguing with each other...kids say they argue all the time and get scared....but they never told sw so it is all my word against her again although she has admitted it...but is saying although it was her contact time she didnt have the kids they were with her mum so ss said it is not a concern...

and i need to help and support the children when they are saying they dont like her BF can ppl and especially there own mother think of the children and think they could be scared, anxious etc as they are now saying they dont want to go again and have told the sw but he is saying it need encouraged. how can i encourage it when i dont know what is going on in her home and children are telling me they argue....its so unfair i offer love stability, warmth and want to continue to do so but hate the fact that when they go to mums i dont know what they are up to...

last 2 weeks after contact my oldest has cried her eyes out on the bus saying she doesnt want to go back but because i have no one to support us i feel like i have no choice but to send them....what if the courts dont believe me i know what the kids tell me but now feel let down by ss as the judge will prob go with there recommendations. i have contacted the manager and he promised to ring me back today but never heard a word....so frustrated...i love my kids dearly...but i just come across as a jealous ex...i seriously need someone to listen to my children and for the children to be confident to tell someone....:(

If you have any emails etc from ss then copy them to take .
Cafcass report s will say he says /she says

Just try and stay calm and present yourself as the stable caring person here who is putting the kids first

hi thank you all for your support and replies.

well court on friday and judge just couldnt understand the sw report so has adjourned it for another day and wants sw there. so feel a bit better that even the judge was suprised at the recommendations after everything that has been said in other reports...also when i read the report i was extremely upset and annoyed...so went to see manager and sw together...because i have proof on facebook to back everything up, they said it could be classed as "stalking" and i said i didnt have direct contact on her FB but we have mutual friends and a friend told me what she was putting on her wall regarding the children, ss think i still have feelings for my ex and that is why i look, that is so wrong after everything she has put the children through i have no feelings for her at all...

i did speak to NSPCC a while back and they told me to keep all evidence, text messages and they told me to use screen shots of facebook...now i am worried incase they do think i watch her....i am not interested in her personal life only when she has the children..they are what matters to me...

thank you again for reading and have much appreciated your replies...

keep doing what you think is right, be strong and try not to worry about the "stalking thing" if it's all on a public forum you should be fine...

I wish you ll the best, and a good outcome

in my experience ss are waste of time,there are vunerable kids out there who needs help and support but they think they know better than the parent who knows theres something wrong.what a waste.just do what is best for your kids and dont realy on them

Have the school got a counsellor who goes in or a particular teacher who could be a confidant for your oldest child? She may open up to someone who is less emotionally involved but that she has regular contact with?