Was this neglect?

[useyourloaf]

My DS has been poorly for past few days with a runny nose, sore throat and sore ear. He said his ear hurt once on Saturday evening but no mention of ear after that. Off his food, grizzly, running a bit of a temperature etc - nothing too out of ordinary.

Received a letter from ExP's solicitor last week telling me that I apparantly had not always communicated important information to him. So to be on best behaviour I let him know by text on Sat PM that DS was poorly and also this may disrupt contact this week (mon/tues). He phoned me to tell me to get doctor out straightaway. DS was asleep so I said I'd see how he was and didn't think that was necessary at the moment and I'd certainly be taking him to doctor monday morning, but I'd see how he was between now and then. This was not good enough and I got 2 further texts telling me to do what he'd told me basically.

Sunday morning DS breezy enough but he had become tired and grizzly in afternoon so I did take him to out of hours doctor - no home visit option. Had to wait hour and half. Doctor gave DS antibiotics and said he had inflamed throat and ear.

Anyway ExP is now accusing me of neglect and telling me I'm an irresponsible mother. He's got it all on record for the lawyers.

Did I neglect my son? Should I be worried?

Yes I'm asking for reassurance yet again.

Wow! Someone sounds like they've got a huge chip on their shoulder and actually AGoodDad you are out of line to suggest that I'm instigating any sort of trouble with ExP - that's just not the case. I'm not perfect but in my situation I'm relatively white and innocent!

I'm sorry you've had some bad experiences but it's not on to take it out on me.

I'm a pretty easy-going type and very willing to compromise and be reasonable. I didn't deny ExP contact on his day (read post again if you can be bothered) never have and never would because it's not about me or him it's about what's right for DS.

And joint residence 50:50 wouldn't work for purely practical reasons. We live too far apart, I do not have a car, ExP works shifts and DS is only 3.

So I suggest that you gather some facts and yourself instead of making assumptions about me and my situation before you post. FFS.

useyourloaf - Take a step back and look at what is happening, He will have been made aware that the courts discriminate against men. His solicitors are telling him to damage you as much as possible in the eyes of the court as yours are probably telling you.
You both should realise that they are doing noting but polishing their wallets and setting the scene for you two to endure many years or court battles.
All to the detriment of your child.

The sooner you two start dealing with this yourselves and not letting solicitors dictate your emotions and responses then it will be better for the child. Put your bad feelings and experiences behind you and let the dad be an equal parent. It will be better for the child in the long term.

I would keep a tape recorder by the phone and tape messages like the one that you mentioned.

I never once said you denied contact, In the heat of the moment things are said or thing this case I suggested it was maybe not said. I suggested offering the alternate time or the care of his child as a good faith thing to show you are not deliberately trying to deny contact. I also suggested that you should give 50/50 parental responisbility and 50/50 residency on paper.
Once again in a show of good faith and to prove you are not trying to deny contact. Then work out what will be possible and in the childs interests.
Let him provide a schedule of what he is able to do to care for the child.
If he is a working dad, on shifts as you suggest he may be able to change this.
Make arrangements as best you can till he does to give him as much care as he is able to do.
I guarentee he will not take more time with the child than you will have due to his work.

Both your solitors will be encouraging you to fight and push buttons that annoy each other. Ignore them and stop fighting, good faith now will have many rewards in the future as you will rely on each other for care, babysitting etc.

Fight now and you will be fighting for many years, the solicitors will do everything to encourage you to fight. Don't do it for your child's sake

Think the previous poster is refering to general cases of divorce/ access. In your case you need a good solicitor due to the abuse and threats you are getting. The aggression he's displaying to you and the abusive texts and voicemails (which presumably he is aware your son will hear) would cause me to have huge concerns about access, and I think you definitely need legal advice to sort this out.
Sorry, but a blanket "stop arguing and offer 50/50 access" in the face of his frankly quite frightening threatening behaviour makes me feel a bit

MagicHouse - I think you're jumping the queue a bit with your claims of abuse and aggression. Dad is scared he is losing his children. His solicitors will have told him he has little hope and he should be trying to show mum up as a bad mum etc.
Women are so eager to jump to the "abuse", "aggression" and "violence" thing on here.
Mum and dad could probably settle down and sort this out if they just behaved like adults. I would tell dad exactly the same, his letters and comments do not help the situation and mum should not be jumping to respond in an aggressive way. I suggest she reads her solicitors letter carefully to see how they would be pushing buttons. Most likely they will threaten less contact/contact centres etc if he continues. All this to push dad to respond in a more threatening way.
MagicHouse - you and other mums here are just encouraging this behavior by your comments.
I would be telling dad to grow up and stop his childish bickering too if I could.
I have been through the damaging anti family courts and see how it encourages fighting, moslty to the benefit of the solicitors. Not for the parents and most certainly NOT in the interests of the children.
I can look back at the damage it has done, financially, emotionally and to the children.
THE COURTS AND SOLICITORS DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN, IT IS A MONEY MAKING BUSINESS. You keep fighing and funding them. By favouring one party the other will always be back to fight again. The sooner you realise that this is what they are doing to you the better. the losing party will always have to seek ways to undermine and prove you a bad mother as it's the only thing he will have to use against you.
Stop playing into their hand and do what is best for your children.

I wish I could be telling dad this too.

Sorry to wade in, but 50/50 residency would have pissed me off as a kid and I wouldn't have done it. I saw my Dad when I wanted to, which was a few times a week, I wouldn't have had my life turned upside down by changing houses every few days.

Meglet, you are missing the point entirely!

I think all these people who are into 50 50 custody, should be prepared to let the children live in the same house and move in and out of that house each week.

If 50 50 care and control is so desirable, then the children should still be given the stability of having one home and let the adults move round them.

OP, Agooddad has obviously got a massive axe to grind and isn't here to support you - he's on the side of your controlling ex. Don't feel you have to listen to him, mumsnet is a site for parents to support each other and this poster has no interest in supporting you at all.

You didn't neglect your child and you don't need to listen to allow your ex to control or frighten you anymore. Good luck with everything.

"I think all these people who are into 50 50 custody, should be prepared to let the children live in the same house and move in and out of that house each week.

If 50 50 care and control is so desirable, then the children should still be given the stability of having one home and let the adults move round them."

I agree Basil. Like Meglet I would have hated 50/50 as a child. I also think it is only suitable in a limited number of circumstances really, it just isn't appropriate or workable in many cases.

gooddad - the situation IS sorted. he has contact that has been deemed appropriate in this case. it is the ex who is launching a campaign and making false claims and citing abuse (accusations of neglect) and engaging in combatorial behaviour. all the op is trying to do is get on with her life without having to be bullied and harassed.

they have nothing to 'sort out' as adults - it's sorted.

OP - i would always wait least 48hrs to see if something was just a virus or something that might need medical attention.

contact has been agreed, you are complying with the agreed contact and not doing anything wrong. record the threatening messages and all communications - it is quite clear who is in the wrong and if he is foolish enough to take this to court it will be clear this is a malicious action and you will have the evidence to prove it.

i'd suggest the solicitor includes a request that all communication be made via email from now on - using your number to threaten and harass you is not on and loses him the right to have that line of communication into your home.

AGoodDad the OP has posted a few times recently and mentioned quite aggressive, intimidating and intrusive behaviour behaviour. I'm sure you must be completely unaware of this judging by your responses on this thread.