Lone parents or parents with demanding careers

[mdewi]

Hi,

I'm a medical student doing a case study report. The family I was assigned had a parent who has a very demanding career requiring them to spend long periods of time away from the family. This leaves the other parent to raise their toddler alone. Does anyone else have a similar situation who would be willing to give their views on their experience? How are you coping? How does this affect your interaction with the NHS? How does your partner cope with being away from their child, and vice versa?

It would also be useful to hear opinions from lone parents.

I would really appreciate anyone willing to help out, as I feel this is a really important issue for GPs and other healthcare professionals to be aware of.

Thank you!!

You can do me if you like. Bit busy at the mo (as my circs inevitably dictate) but happy to contribute. Single mother of 2 girls aged 2 and 5, father lives other end of country and I work.full time in demanding job. Let me know if you're interested and how you want me to reply.

It's not much. Just if there are any issues you're having regarding getting to a doctor etc. when your children are ill, and any other issues that you might have that you feel it's important GPs are aware of. As a lone parent I imagine that there would be some specific issues as compared to parents who have a partner. Just a 2 minute answer would do. You can answer here if you're happy with it, or if you prefer to do it confidentialy, you can private message me on this website. Naturally, all the information that you provide will be treated anonymously.

one of the nightmares is when you need to see a doctor for something it's inappropriate to discuss or do in front of a child re: smear test, talk about mental health issues and as a lone parent you don't have childcare. this is easier for me now ds is in school as i have time to do my appointments in the day but with a toddler it is a nightmare.

appointments are hard enough to get let alone being able to schedule an appointment and childcare. it would be extremely helpful if there was some ability for a child to be left with reception in the case of a doctor deciding that from your symptoms he wants to give you an internal exam for example. if your doctor is male they are used to having to provide another person to be in the room for this (for his protection) but seem flummoxed by what to do with a child.

i had a situation where i had an infection after having treatment on my cervix and went to the gp - ideally they would have liked to do a swab for the lab to identify the bacteria and best treatment option but i had no choice but for my then toddler to be with me at the appointment and when i said i don't really want to have a cervical swab in front of my child the doctor looked totally flummoxed and could not suggest anything we could do. in reality it would have taken what? a few minutes? yet they had no system for caring for/watching a child for a few minutes so i went without the test.

likewise dentists - it's not really viable for a small child to sit and watch dental work take place if you don't want to develop a terror of dentists and the bad man hurting mummy with a drill

i would imagine these logistics do make a difference collectively to a single parents ability to access basic healthcare. for single parents who have chronic illnesses it becomes really significant because they need to access services more regularly and often for longer. i have mental health issues and in the years when my son was a toddler it definitely made a difference - if you need to see a doctor less than three weeks away because you are in crisis or want to prevent crisis point then you need to take an emergency appointment that day - ringing at 8am and being told right come in now, oh you can't well i can't help you then ring back tomorrow or being told come at 1pm and we'll see when we can fit you in. it just doesn't work when you have a 2yo who you can't take into the consultation with you if you need to say for example that you are having suicidal thoughts but you have no means to childcare at such short notice. it literally prevents you being able to get help from a doctor at a time when you really need it.

getting children in, as others have said, isn't really a problem (unless they have an ongoing problem i guess which i have no experience of as ds has always been very robust and i'm not prone to rushing to the doctors for every little thing). it's accessing healthcare yourself that gets tricky. it's also the reality that you can't go to a hospital appointment and be kept waiting for 2hrs because you've got to pick a child up by x time in a way that isn't flexible or negotiable sometimes - you may have struggled to get any childcare for the appointment they've given you and be very much limited as to how long you can sit in a waiting room being told they're a bit behind today and no they don't know how long it will be.

sorry long reply - hope it's of some use.

in that scenario where i needed a swab realistically all they needed to do was to call someone to be in the room and chatter to my child and distract them whilst the doctor did the swab with a curtain drawn around us - no major huge hassle yet no suggestion of a solution like that.

Having two children and one needs to gp to A and E in an emergency. One is healthy and the other isn't, you have to go to hospital but dragging both kids there is a nightmare.

Yes - what swallowed said. If you need to get DC to doctor / hospital / dentist, that's fine. It's when you need to go yourself that it can become difficult to nigh on impossible.