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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

do you need to be close to family?

11 replies

madam1mim · 04/03/2012 14:17

I am a newly single mum to 12 month old baby. I am currently staying with my parents who live an hour and a half from where we live. I haven't any definite plans for where we will choose to go but wondering if other single parents find that they have to be near their families for help and support? My family moved here after I had already left home so if I permanently moved close to family then I would not know anyone. Recently I was ill and found it so hard looking afterbaby on my own so in that way can see why it is usefully to have people around for help!

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RedHelenB · 04/03/2012 15:04

If you get on with your family & they will help you out I would move - you will soon make new friends.

MadMadamMim · 04/03/2012 15:34

Excellent name Madam

I'm close to family and it is pretty helpful as my Mum can usually babysit at short notice if I have to stay late at work etc, but it's a double edged sword because it means she's very involved in my life. It's not such a bad thing, but I struggle to feel like a fully grown independent woman and mother when my own Mum is commenting on how I iron clothes etc.

I suppose it depends on your relationship with your parents - will they interfere or be really supportive?

Happylander · 04/03/2012 16:08

I live close to my family and I have really needed their support since my ex walked out. They were pretty handy before then too. I love the fact that my DS has a great relationship with my mum and she does all my childcare for free so I can work. I couldn't survive without my family. I would move as you will make new friends.

purpleroses · 04/03/2012 17:00

Mine are 300 miles away :(

Wish they were nearer, but have coped fine really (DCs were 3.5 and 3 months when we split - 8 years ago). If you don't have family near you need to have, or make, good friends with DCs too who will help out from time to time.

My family do help occasionally too - come and stay and do the odd day or two of childcare. And I do get some help from the DCs' dad, so it depends how good the rest of your support/social network is I think.

piellabakewell · 04/03/2012 17:04

I live 230 miles away from my parents and my ex's parents are both dead. We never had any help from them as the kids grew up so I wouldn't have moved to be near them when we split. I'd rather the DC were 2.5 miles from their dad and 230 miles from their grandparents than the other way round.

Is your ex involved with the baby at all?

PigletUnrepentant · 04/03/2012 17:52

If your parents are supportive, stay near them. It makes a huge difference.

FannyBazaar · 04/03/2012 19:58

My parents are on the other side of the world! Takes several flights to get there. I am lucky to have good friends nearby who help out.

1111211331 · 04/03/2012 20:19

I live about an hour's drive from my parents. They can come up if I give them enough notice - my mum's crashed on the sofa to look after the kids on an inset day before so I could go to work!

It's kind of nice that they're close but not too close. My parents also moved to a new town after I'd moved out, which means I wouldn't know anyone if I moved there. I guess it depends how good your support network is where you live now? I'm lucky, my neighbours are fab :) , as are my friends, I couldn't do without some sort of support!

Original poster

madam1mim · 04/03/2012 20:24

thanks for all your replies!
great name too madmadam hehe! I do worry about not feeling independent. I think I would like to bring up my little girl in quite a different way to that I was brought up. It´s great for her to see her grandparents so much at the moment but I worry about not being able to stand on my own two feet.
my close friends live hundreds of miles away and I know if I were to move close to them that they would be there for me but they don´t have children and I couldnt guarantee that they could drop everything for me if I needed them liek my family probably could.
my ex has been abusive to me so we are not currently on good terms and are sorting out access at the moment so I can´t say if I could rely on him right now.
I suppose I would make new friends but where my mum lives is quite rural and I was living in a city with loads going on.
Loads to think about!
I thought being a mum was hard work but doing it on your own is really really tough! So much respect for single parents!

OP posts:

slowginny · 04/03/2012 20:25

I moved to be closer to my folks which has turned out to be invaluable in just giving me back a little bit of time for something as simple as the dentist or a haircut.

That said, there are other support networks, is there a local Gingerbread Friendship group nearby?

Original poster

madam1mim · 04/03/2012 20:33

not sure about gingerbread but wil find out that is a good idea!
it seems so far that moving at least a bit closer to parents would be wise.
it´s tricky as where I was livig with LO I had only been there for 2 years so had only just started making friends. and it was and hour and a half from my folks so not too far.
however my close friends where I grew up live probably 3 and ahlf to 4 hours drive away from where my parents are now so if I went there would not have them on hand at all.

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