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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Single dads' rights, if any.

17 replies

deste · 02/03/2012 23:44

Hi could anyone give advice for friend who has not seen GD for 5 weeks. She has brought her up since the day she was born. About 60 per cent of her life has been spent with her if not more. She had her Monday to Friday, paid for her nursery fees, bought her clothes, fed her, took her on holiday. In other words was a surrogate mum. Her son, the dad came to stay with her on his contact days, picking her up from nursery and taking her out etc. The mum has now fallen out with my friend so she has now been refused any contact with her GD, as has the dad. The dad has tried to arrange mediation but the mum won't arrange it. They are both in bits, my friend keeps saying that the GD must think they have abandoned her. The mums house is a tip, think Kim and Aggie and she won't let anyone into it as she knows it is bad. She doesn't know if the child is being cared for properly and the nursery at the moment have taken the mums side so won't discuss anything. They paid the fees for the last year but the mum has told them to stop because her university has said they will pay them. She has fallen out with everyone and has now cut off her only support, the dad and my friend, she had already cut off her own mum. The course she is doing involves leaving the country for a year and they think she is planning on taking her with her and not telling them. The mum has medical problems and has lots of "off days", that was the reason my friend had her so much. Sorry it's a bit of a ramble. So, does the dad have any rights?

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BorderDancer · 02/03/2012 23:58

Hi! Newbie here, thought I'd start here

Were your friend's son and his partner married? If not I'm afraid, as I understand it, he has zero parental rights. If they were then he'll have to go through the courts and I'm pretty sure if she wants to go overseas with the child then he needs to sign consent forms. My daughter's father is foreign and when he takes her to see his mother overseas I always send them with a note just in case as the one time he got challenged on this when she was a baby we had all kinds of hassle!

Hope that helps.

PinkCarBlueCar · 03/03/2012 00:14

Married is beside the point, as is whether or not he is on the birth certificate.

Your friend needs to get good legal advice asap. From what you say, if she's able to show what's happened previously, then at best she has a good chance of re-instating that situation, and at worst she'll get contact sorted out and a prohibitive steps order to stop her re-locating GD to another country.

If there are concerns for neglect, has your friend contacted SS?

BorderDancer · 03/03/2012 00:16

Have grandparents got those rights? Just because I'm sure the government were on about this but whether they've actually done anything about it is another matter entirely.

It's worth a shot going down the legal route but the odds are likely stacked against her unfortunately

deste · 03/03/2012 11:17

Hi, to answer a few things, the son is on the birth certificate. He has been paying her mortgage since he left her? My friend would like to go to Ss but is worried they will say she is being spiteful. I told her that I dont think SS tell the parents who has reported them but she would know that it was her or her son. To be honest I dont think she would let them in to the house. The GD has never been allowed in the house because of the mess. They are going down the legal route. I think there are mental health issues but I know from being on MN that anyone who says that their ex partners had issues is not taken seriously. Can I give one example of the mums commitment to the child. We took her on holiday last month because the mum had exams that week. She told my friend she was selfish taking her that week because she knew she had exams. My friends said she would take her with us so she could concentrate on the exams. After it was all paid she then said she was selfish taking her away that week as she would not be able to concentrate on her exams because she would be worrying constantly about her. When we were travelling back the GD texted from abroad to say the GD was looking forward to seeing her at the airport. He got a text back saying she had university next day and would not pick her up till the next evening. They have kept the text.

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deste · 03/03/2012 11:19

Sorry she said my friend was selfish going on holiday that week leaving her to cope alone during exam week.

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deste · 03/03/2012 11:31

Also forgot to add they are not married.

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FeelingOld · 03/03/2012 15:16

On a recent course i did we were told that by law a father has automatic parental responsibility for a child if he is on the birth certificate as long as the child was born after 1st December 2003 (whether married or not) so i would advise your friends son to get legal advice as soon as possible.

I am a single mum and many many times i have fallen out with my ex over things but i would never stop him seeing ds, in fact i hate it when a child is used like this, as a pawn to punish one of the parents.....as long as no abuse etc is go on then a child should be allowed to see both parents and extended family, its no more than the child deserves.

MrGin · 03/03/2012 15:52

If there is genuine concern about the state of the mothers home and it not being a safe environment for the dd and / or there are MH concerns that relate to the child's safety and well being, your friend or the father should contact SS.

The father has PR ( I assume she was born after 2003 ) . As such the mother can't leave the country with the GD without written permission from the father. He also has a right to be involved in decisions about the girls religion, education and medical matters.

This is assuming the mother does not have 'resident parent' status, which I doubt from your post.

Your friend should talk to a decent solicitor asap and seriously think about going for residency and as PCBC says get a prohibitive steps order to stop her leaving the country with the GD.

deste · 03/03/2012 15:58

Thankyou, what does residency mean exactly. He is supposed to get her two days a week but of course she has stopped that. The child is three and a half.

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MrGin · 03/03/2012 16:05

residency.

just means the parent with whom the child lives with for the majority of time ( usually ) . I think in some cases both parents can have residency.

The parent who has the child in their home for the majority of the time is informally considered or described as the resident parent , the other parent is the non resident parent.

The 'resident parent' status ( I think there is a court definition / description ) can be formalized through court if there is a good reason to do so. If it's formalized then the resident parent can take the child abroad for up to 28 days without permission from the NRP. Not sure what else it facilitates.

MrGin · 03/03/2012 16:14

this website / organization offer help to dads in this situation

Families Need Fathers

www.fnf.org.uk/

deste · 03/03/2012 16:47

So if the child has been staying with my friend Monday to Friday for at least the last year and a half does that give her any rights. Her son has live in accommodation with his job because he can't afford his own place because he has been paying her mortgage. She had the house before they got together. I don't think he would try and get a share of the house because he is not that type of person.

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MrGin · 03/03/2012 16:55

I'm no legal expert.

Did the child stay overnight Monday - Friday ?

It doesn't give her any rights as such but I think a precedence has been set, and the court will take that into account. I'm sure I've heard on MN that in rare cases a grandmother has been given residency of a child so it can happen.

The thing is I think to get access re-established with your friend and the father.

She / he needs to sort out a solicitor as soon as possible.

You might find you get better advice in the Legal section of mumsnet, there are solicitors who post and respond in there.

deste · 03/03/2012 17:32

Yes she stayed every Monday to Friday. Sometimes the weekend as well because the mother wanted out. Monday she took her to play group and the rest of the week nursery. They were hoping to send her to the school which the nursery was attached to. The school nearest the mum is not great so basically she is denying her daughter the chance of a really good education.

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MrGin · 03/03/2012 18:21

Well the father has a right to be involved in decisions about the child's education.

Honestly, your friend needs to document everything, talk to a solicitor asap and get, at the very least, access resumed. And given the amount of time the child spent at Gran's I don't see there would be much problem in gaining it.

Hope it works out for them.

deste · 03/03/2012 19:17

Thanks for your help, I have passed on the link to them.

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PinkCarBlueCar · 03/03/2012 21:55

What MrGin said.

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