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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I hate saying goodbye to my kids for the weekend, it sucks

16 replies

IAmOptimusPrime · 02/03/2012 19:39

Just that really

My ds1, who is nearly 6, has a chest infection and just wants to be with me which makes me feel so sad for him. I do know his dad is capable of looking after him, it's just horrid having to pack him off when he doesn't want to go.

And even if he did want to go it is still shit having to wave them off when all I want to do is run after the car and give them big cuddles.

I have a long weekend ahead of me. Apologies for the moan but I think this is my first post on this topic and it does feel a little better to share!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

OnlyWantsOne · 02/03/2012 19:44

Yes. It is shit. Sorry

Latemates · 02/03/2012 20:19

If it's bad for you imagine how the father and children feels saying goodbye after a weekend knowing they won't see each other for nearly 2 weeks.
Think about how lucky you are having the children with you so much.
And also your son may being picking up on your feelings and trying to cheer you up by looking like he doesn't want to go.
He'll be fine Once he gets there. And probably doesn't like leaving dads either.

AmberLeaf · 02/03/2012 20:27

Yes what Latemates said.

I love my children but I pack them off to their dads house cheerily its good for them to see me being positive about it and I have a great time when they are away

A hobby/social life is what you need!

Original poster

IAmOptimusPrime · 02/03/2012 20:49

I don't ever show that I am sad that they are leaving, I would never ever do that. I am positive and cheery when they leave.

And Latemates, I'm very sorry if you only see your children every 2 weeks that must be very hard but you shouldn't assume that is the case here. We share the children equally. We have them every other weekend and equal amounts in the week.

Not quite the support I was expecting but never mind

OP posts:

Sapphirefling · 02/03/2012 21:44

You have my complete sympathy OP. It's incredibly hard and I literally dread the lead up to when they go. It is getting a little easier now and I am a dab hand at painting the smile on, waving them off and then listening to them relay their stories of what they've been up to. I have been incredibly lucky in that a have a couple of good friends who are also single, so tend to try and fill the weekends as much as i possibly can with them and family.

And Latemates, from a personal POV, unfortunately my ex should have thought about how little he'd see his kids when he was sticking his dick into little Miss Awesome. And should be able to stand up to her when she sets the agenda for how much he is 'allowed' to see his children. But that's a whole other thread.....

talie101 · 02/03/2012 21:49

I feel for you. I'm 9 years down the line and still get upset!

I keep myself busy when they're away but would much rather be with them, I guess some of us are just made that way.

Sorry not much help, but just wanted you to know you're not alone in feeling like this. :(

DaenerysTargaryenButCallMeDany · 02/03/2012 21:53

I'm not a lone parent so sorry for nosing on the thread but I can only imagine how you feel, I would hate sending mine off, especially if they were ill :(

latemates, so not helpful.

Original poster

IAmOptimusPrime · 02/03/2012 21:58

I'm not usually like this, I do have a social life and hobbies and usually keep myself busy the weekends I'm on my own but for some reason this weekend I just feel really, really sad.

Just had a bit of a blub and feel a little better. Thanks for your replies.

OP posts:

MagicHouse · 02/03/2012 22:09

Not surprised you're upset if your little boy is poorly. And I agree some of the replies aren't helpful. It's not a competition about who feels worse when the kids aren't there, mum or dad. Your son's not well and of course you want to look after him - what lovely parent wouldn't? I feel like this some weekends when the children leave. Just keep thinking about that big hug on Sunday eve, which'll be here before you know it - it's practically Saturday now - one more sleep! xx

MotherMucca · 02/03/2012 22:16

My son spends a lot of time with his dad, I suppose it's about 35/65% split. I do miss him so much sometimes. I feel like half a parent. But I know he loves coming back to me, as I'm sure yours do.

joysofmotherhood · 02/03/2012 22:40

Hi, hope you have some lovely things planned for your weekend. I know its very hard. Am only a month into this new life, thankgod my exp still plays active part in ds life which I am truly grateful for as I am sure its helped with the big changes for him.
Have had today to myself and had a great therapy reiki swap!. Its vital you re-charge the batteries on your free time, I find I have loads more patience then!. So, take good care of you and give yourself a nice treat!.Best wishes

gettingeasier · 03/03/2012 11:37

I am just over 2 years into this

The first few months I struggled with it all especially the packing and them going off with overnight bags it just felt so wrong iykwim ? I made sure that almost every moment was accounted for seeing friends or doing things I saw on in the local paper sometimes just for the sake of it !

Listening to all the tales of what they had been up to and smiling away was hard too

However after those few months I began to look forward to the break and the chance to do as I pleased. Now I really enjoy the time they are with him and I think enables me to avoid ever getting to breaking point (teenagers) as I know a breather is on the horizon.

So overall it does get easier

Bellie · 04/03/2012 15:31

One month into doing it here too. I HATE it. All my friends are married with children and they all seem to be doing family stuff at the weekend. They have been great during the first few weeks and I feel that they must be getting bored of me going on about it all now - him leaving was a huge shock one school morning at 7.30!!

I have readd so many posts on here on how it will get better, but each time they go to Daddy's it just wrenches my heart out all over again, as my vision of family days out and holidays etc is shattered all over again.

Sorry not much help OP, but I know that we have to keep the smile on for this children and it isn't easy sometimes is it?

purpleroses · 04/03/2012 19:29

Mostly I enjoy my time off from the Dcs. But like I find it tough if they're ill or don't want to go. Can you ring them ? That's always nice to do. The other thing I do if I'm missing them is to do something for them while they're away - eg if they need new clothes buying , toys fixing, etc

Happylander · 04/03/2012 20:27

bellie Mine told me at 07:30 too and over the phone and it was a total shock! I like you am grieving for the lost family type things.

OP it will kill me if DS is sick as I know he won't want to be with his dad so I understand how you are feeling although the weekend is over now. Hope your DC is better.

JoeRich · 04/03/2012 22:37

I know how you feel OP. I'm struggling atm, largely due to new girlfriend that I didn't know existed until I saw her in the car when he dropped kids off after his weekend. Learnt by dripfed info that evening from the DCs that she'd spent the previous night with him/them (first time they'd met her).

4 weeks on from that, he's moving in with her and again, I'm learning this from the DCs.

I have no issue with him having a new gf, it's the way he's gone about introducing the children (and all sorts of things are coming out over these last few weeks) . I was in the cinema last night and it turns out his gf was there too, seeing the same film, with my dd (13). I have never met her, and I don't even know where she (and now them when they're with their dad) live. This is despite me having bent over backwards to keep this amicable and open & honest.

Sorry to hijack the thread, just wanted to say I know how hard it is and you have my sympathy. Especially know how hard it is to paint on that smile, and stay cheerful when you hear about all the fantastic things they did over the weekend. I think what really grates for me is that he is (always has been) a crap dad and now he's playing superdad to impress new gf. Took children swimming today for 2nd time ever (1st time was 2 weeks ago) in 13 years of being a parent . I just have to be grateful the kids are benefiting from his new parenting efforts while they last.

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