when the kids are away...

[TheSinglePringle]

When the kids are with their dad or any other family member what do you do?

My son goes to his dads twice a week overnight and I never have anything to do.

I would go swimming, go to the pub with a friend, watch a DVD box set with a bottle of wine, go to the cinema with a friend, go to bed early and read a trashy magazine
Catch up on housework?

Or do you need any extra cash? You could do an evening job twice a week - waitress etc

Errr................loads, I am not a single parent but I spend a lot of time (happily) on my own when DH and DS do their own thing. Do you have any hobbies/interests? Read, go to the gym, go for a walk, eat and drink what you like, watch the TV/films you like, meet up with friends, go to the cinema, window shopping, do some voluntary work. Do you seriously not enjoy doing anything on your own? What are you planning to do when your DC leave home ?

I agree, SinglePringle, when you're the primary carer for your kids the majority of the time, and you get some free time it is often hard to know what to do with yourself. You go from one extreme to the other - being just you with the DCs and all the hard work that entails then suddenly in a quiet, empty house with no one to talk to. In my case, there's no inbetween as I don't have a support network so when the children are with me (which is most of the time) they come everywhere with me and it's pretty full on.
Then they go to their dad's for a couple of days and suddenly I have all this time on my hands - friends are busy with their own lives/partners, and it can be very lonely.

With no other adult in the house to chat to about the little mundane things in life etc when you find you have some rare alone time away from the children you want to go out, DO something, make the most of it, enjoy it. But sometimes it's hard to go off and do things on your own.

Ragwort, you can't know what it's like so it's unfair to comment "Don't you enjoy doing anything on your own?" It's easy to say that when most of the time you have another adult around to share responsibilities, worries, the work that comes with raising children. When the OP's son leaves home I'm sure she'll build a whole new life for herself full of activities. But the reality of being a single parent is that most of the time you don't have the time or the energy to build up a busy life outside of the DCs, unless you have a good support network or can afford to pay for regular babysitting.

Wanted to add, I'm starting a distance learning course to give me a focus and something that will take up my time when the DCs are in bed/away at their dad's.

rag I'm glad you have so much to do when you have your free time, unfortunatly not everyone is that lucky. I will be fine when my son leaves home but seen as he is only 2 its a long time off.

Joe Glad I'm not alone with this. Someone people don't have a clue what it is like. I have my son with me every day and night apart from when he is with his dad. It is only me and him when we go out anywhere. Maybe once a month a friend might decide they want to know us. All my friends have lost interest now they all have boyfriends so it is literally just me. I don't have the money to just throw away on cinema trips and the gym as someone people do. I have moved to a new area which doesn't help and neighbours don't seem to want to know. They are all alot older then me

I know what you mean pringle, we don't have an oh at home to share childcare so we can't, say for example, go to a weekly zumba class. i get exactly the same and on the odd night i am free my friends are with their oh and don't remember i exist.

www.facebook.com/groups/259909860746359/

sorry, posted too soon. the link above is for a group of lps from mn to chat in an fb group. if you're interested in talking to some friendly peeps who do understand give it a try :)

Someday I thought it was just me because everyone else seems to have plans and things to do. The housework is done within the first few hours of my son going to his dads so I am literally just sat with nothing to do

Hmm, I've been a LP for 11 years but I can see Ragwort's pov. I have sole care of my dc and his dad has never actually had contact, but my parents look after them once a week which meant I had the chance to do whatever I wanted.

I would grasp the opportunity to try out anything in your area, there's no need to have friends to join you and it sounds like it would be good for you to develop a new social network. Over the years I've developed lots of interests - e.g. language classes, yoga, swimming, dance, cinema and theatre. It takes a bit of confidence at first to go on your own but once you start, it becomes much easier.

I am on a low income too but if you look around there are often deals as I got a concessionary rate for many of these, or these days there are things like Groupon. Even when I'm at home, there are things you can do which are cheap and you can do on your own, e.g. an OU course, reading for pleasure, pampering at home, DVDs.

My son doen't have contact with his dad anymore but when he did, he used to go to his house for the whole weekend.

I confess that at the beginning I didn't know what to do with the silence and the solitude but after a few months (and before new man took over most of my childfree time) I had a pretty well organised routine:

Friday- Meeting with friends/dating (that's how I found new man)
Saturday Morning - Pack the dogs in the car in the early morning and go around local markets, antique fairs, farmer markets. It was a nice way to get some exercise, walk the dogs, have some adult conversations, do the shopping at a reduced price, and get a small treat for myself occassionally.
Saturday Afternoon: Take a rest, read, enjoy the silence at home
Saturday Evening: Meet with friends or have a date with myself (basically do any thing that I enjoyed and couldn't do with DS in tow)
Friday Morning: Breakfast in bed, more reading, some sightseeing away from where I live, I would normally be back by 4, will do a quick tidying up around the house, and cooking and freezing main meals for the next couple of weeks.

It was a great time. What I enjoyed the most was being able to be relaxed about everything during and after the weekend, and also not having to run around cooking after work during the week sigh*

Do you have any single friends? I've always managed with a bit of a double life - friends (mostly in couples) with DCs for socialising with the DCs, and childless (mostly single) friends for going out with when I don't have my DCs. Has worked well enough, though which friends I've spent most time with has varied as people fall in and out of relationships. Don't wait for your friends to call you, call them and get things organised for the nights your're free - or put on facebook "Saturday night, childfree, any suggestions what I do?" or something like that.

If you don't have any at all, then you need to build up your social networks somehow. Do you work or have an colleagues you could get to know better? There are things you can join that cost quite minimal amounts of money - eg walking or cycling club, some adult education classes, etc. Or if the contact is regular enough then try to get yourself a small amout of paid work somewhere that would fit in with the hours - eg a night a week bar work would get you both money and new people to meet.

Or get into internet dating if you're keen on meeting a new partner!