My son is changing.... help me!

[Mum2012]

I have noticed that recently my son has become increasing demanding. His father and I seperated about a year ago - my husband didn't really like my son and always criticised him and hit him, saying he is the father so he has the right. After I seperated, my son would still go and visit him, but then after many bad encounters decided he'd rather just stay with me. Now I feel that he is using me because he asks me for the most expensive toys and gets bored within a week, asking for something else next. If I don't say yes to something, he becomes rude, if I punish him, he cries and blames it on his father. I don't understand, I've given up everything in my life to be with my children, and yet my son keeps hurting me. If my husband ever comes to visit and even brings a chocolate, my son shows he is overjoyed... but with me, even if I brought him the moon he'd get bored and want something more. I started working at his school to boost his self-esteem and he gets happy when the children like me, showing off and all that. But when a kid says something bad about me, all of a sudden his mood is bad. He doesn't let me get round to my teenage daughter, he always takes my attention - competing against her (even she's getting annoyed now). If she makes me a cup of tea, he'll do something for me, but if she's at school or something, he'll just play on his video games.

I am distraught. I feel as if he wants to be with his dad but keeps up a facade for my protection - why did I give up everything for him when he doesn't want it?

What should I do? Please help...

How old is he?

8

He has experienced physical abuse and upheaval in his life and by the sound of it he's now hurting emotionally and confused. Children often act out their hurt with those they feel most safe and secure with.
He needs lots of love and understanding but also consistency of parenting and clear, consistent boundaries and sanctions. You don't have to be buying him things because he demands them.
He also needs lots of positive attention - make sure you really notice when he is not doing the unwanted behaviour and give him lots of praise and frequently... e.g. "you came to the table first time I called you...that's really great" etc.

He is trying to get attention and he is getting it from you... Ask gp to refer you to family therapist or counsellor to talk thru the issues with you and devise some behaviour strategies.
You need to talk about why you feel you have given up everything for your son. Better with a trained third party eg a cousellor who can ask you the right questions . It isn't just about you and your son. Is all tied u in why you split from your ex what went on the violence etc and also how your other child fits in....

hi, im sorry your in such a negative situation at the moment. 1stly, i dont think that your son is using you, he is a very confused little boy at the moment. you say you buy him the most expensive things...why? and i know that you may answer one of two things here..guilt or love, yet under normal circumstances would you give in to such demands from him if you didnt feel guilty? you have given up alot yes, but please also be aware of the damage that his farther has done to him, in ways that may or may not present themselves for years. 2nd, dont feel so hard done to in what you have given up for your children, if the father was so nasty to your son then he isnt such a nice person, so in reality you shouldnt see it as a big loss.
That sounds really awful of me to say, but what im trying to say is that you have made ultimate sacrifices to enable your children to grow up in a safe, seccure loving home without the negative influence of a partner. Im sure that you too are still on the mend from this separation, and it will get easier over time. You say that when your DD is at school your DS plays on his games? dont see this as a negative point, i would see it as a positive, he isnt trashing the house, isnt going out of his way to cause an argument (during this time) he is just chilling. as long as it isnt all day long then it isnt a big issue. You and your DD are now the closest people in your DS's life, so ultimatley you will suffer all of his emotional issues. I suggest that you try and find a way of reconecting with him, (and your DD) but you will need to schedule this carefully so that niether feels left out or gealous (which your son may feel the most even if he gets equal "turns" with you. Try and take a step back and just achknowledge that you are all hurt and will all have your own ways of coping. IMHO it is apparent that none of you have yet come to terms with your loss yet. but please know that time is a great healer. Sorry for the long response, and i dont mean to sound patronising in any way, so please dont take offence if it has come accross that way.
best of luck x