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Original poster

out of the mouths of babes....

16 replies

mistressmiggins · 27/01/2006 23:47

today went to friends house - 6 other mothers plus kids - hostess's husband was there too

DS made beeline for husband (they only have 2 daughters) lot of fun had

my H rang tonight - DS answered phone....went back in room as DS didnt appear to be saying anything into phone...then he said "if you dont come and visit me daddy I wont call you daddy and will call you XXXX(hostess's husband) instead

broke my heart as obviosuly DS has issues

dont expect H liked hearing about someone else

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Kathlean · 28/01/2006 00:12

That is really sad. Just don't let your x draw you in that it is your fault not his.

Original poster
mistressmiggins · 28/01/2006 12:43

DS is nearly 4

I have never bad-mouthed H in front of children in fact quite opposite - alawys jolly and positive about him

why would DS say this to daddy?

the only thing I can think of is that yesterday afternoon I told my parents how lucky my friend was having her husband at home so much during the day during the week - they may have a smaller house but they are far richer in love etc

DS was in the room when I said that

just worried that DS is blaming me for kicking daddy out

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Kathlean · 28/01/2006 13:04

You are doing what is right for you and your children. Yes it is going to be hard and there are going to be times when you are all upset.

It is not your fault, it is your pig of an ex. Not only did he not give a sh1t about your feelings but he obviously didn't care a damn about his children or he would have at least tried. Does he expect his children to notice he is not there???

He has the choice of when he can come and see his little boy but would rather spend the day elsewhere. His choice not yours. You have been really generous towards your x, you have nothing to blame yourself for.

Your son is upset at his dad (not you), even at 4 he knows that you are there for him and love him. Be proud of that (-:

Surfermum · 28/01/2006 13:21

Kathlean's right. You have nothing to blame yourself for. Your poor ds and poor you too. I could batter these men who have the chance to see their children but don't bother with a very large frying pan. One of those Le Creuset ones that are really heavy.

Original poster
mistressmiggins · 28/01/2006 13:25

DS has stopped speaking to H on the phone - I answer and he says "no" when I hand him the phone

DD speaks but she is 19 mths so just says "yes" or "daddy"

i have decided that rather than the "daddy wants to live nearer work" answer, we should tell DS the truth...told H that we should tell DS that daddy has a new gf....H wants time to think about it...dont know why -he is moving in with HER so is his idea fetch kids & take them to new house and new woman?

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Original poster
mistressmiggins · 28/01/2006 13:27

1st 3 weeks H came every weekend
then I suggested he come every other BECAUSE I knew he wouldnt be able to keep it up long term

H didnt even try to complain - just said OK

he does live 2 hrs away though

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Janos · 28/01/2006 13:27

I could batter these men who have the chance to see their children but don't bother with a very large frying pan

Amen to that. How can anyone be so selfish? I'm sorry I know this doesn't help mistressmiggins but you have my sympathy.

Original poster
mistressmiggins · 28/01/2006 13:32

Im not bothered - the only thing that concerns me is the mental welfare of my kids

you get expert advice from lawyers regarding money & contact etc but noone to advise you on how to help kids cope

my H doesnt care though - be his pride hurt from last night or the fact he might think someone actually fancies me

we're happier actually cos exH was so selfish we used to hang around at weekends waiting for him to get up; he was fussy on food; list is endless

happy mummy happy kids

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Janos · 28/01/2006 13:45

I've followed a lot of your threads mistressm and you sound like a great mum. How a man can just abandon his kids like that is beyond me.

It does sound like you are better off without him. With some men it's like having a extra child in the house and it's a relief when you don't have to cater to them any more, isn't it?

amanda1 · 28/01/2006 16:25

Message withdrawn

Original poster
mistressmiggins · 30/01/2006 19:51

its getting worse & Im scared that H will get nasty and claim Im putting DS up to it - couldnt be further from the truth

since telling daddy he would stop calling him "daddy", he has then told daddy to stop phoning as he doestn want to speak to him anymore...later when he was in bed I tried to explain that daddy didnt come every day cos he doesnt want to be married to mummy anymore....

rightly or wrongly I then broached the subject of "what about when daddy gets a new df?"
after all H keeps saying he wants kids overnight and is moving in with HER....

DS: "I wont like that cos daddy wont love me anymore"

again tonight DS has refused to speak - didnt even say hello tonight

I went out the room with the phone & H was asking me why - HOW DO I KNOW !!!
DS is nrly 4; daddy has left; daddy doesnt want to be married to mummy = daddy doesnt love DS

Thats how DS seems to see things

I can assure you i have said nothing negative about H (even if I've felt like it) but I cant force DS to speak....

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fuzzywuzzy · 30/01/2006 19:57

Perhaps ask h to sit down and speak to ds with you.
Perhaps showing your ds that although mummy and daddy are no longer together, nothing will ever stop them loving ds...or something like that.

I'm so sorry you and your babies are going through this, I have followed your threads but don't contribute as I can't think of anything useful.

Original poster
mistressmiggins · 30/01/2006 20:10

unfortunately H doesnt seem bothered

I rang him on both accounts after kids in bed to talk to him & both times he said "I'll have a think about it and speak to you tom"

Sunday night when he rang, he couldnt rememvber what he was ringing for and when I reminded him he'd said hed think about what we could do, he said "oh I havent had time" - like all day Sunday - no work no kids

afraid I put the phone down as was so angry

beginning to feel its his problem and if he is that disinterested, why should I bother?

OP posts:
devilJARM · 30/01/2006 20:12

because YOU are the one at home with the kids.

He needs to take responsibility for his actions.... agree with the sitting down together to talk next time he is around.

{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}

Aimsmum · 30/01/2006 20:25

Message withdrawn

loulounz · 06/02/2006 19:33

Hi MM,

My dd (3) is going through similar - she keeps asking if she is getting a new daddy (with no prompting from me - that's the last thing on my mind!) and she has even resorted to pointing out men that pass us and saying there's a nice daddy (luckily not within earshot!!!)

I'm dreading the time she says anything of the sort to xh because he will go mental thinking I'm filling her head when I'm really not!

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