I have worried about this for a while, but today I received an unintentional text from the ExP. I had just received a message asking if DS (9) was in school today (he was due to pick him up after school today) I text straight back saying yes, half term was last week. The next thing I get another text, clearly aimed for his girlfriend saying 'I miss you too, I hate days like today, feel like I've wasted it'.
I immediately text back pointing out his error, but also asking him what he meant, and did he see a day where he saw his son as a wasted day. He text back saying 'shut up you don't know what you are talking about'.
I know it could have meant anything, but when its something I have been wondering for a while, it has really played on my mind.
Just wanting others opinions on is my ExP drifting out of my sons life?
Split January 2009, initially he saw DS 5 days a week through a combination of picking him up and taking him to school in the morning if I was on an early shift, or picking him up from after school club and having him til I finished work if I was on a late shift. He would care for DS in my house, as he had moved 11 miles away to live with his parents, and wasn't practical to regularly have DS there as his school is a further 11 miles from here - 22 miles from where he lives. Also, we both wanted to keep some normality for him for a while - being cared for in his own home, with his own toys, and own bed etc.
Anyway this contact gradually whittled down to 3 days a week (two evenings and a weekend day) as my mum took over some days to allow me to work and he got a new job which involved earlier starts for him (Mon-Fri 8am-5pm).
As soon as we split up he found a new girlfriend, and they have now been together for 3 years. At the beginning all seemed well, he said he wouldn't be introducing them for a while, which suited me.
Fast forwarding to 18 months after we split, I now had a new partner, and we had moved in together. I didn't need ExP to take on as much of the after school or weekend care as he had previously, which was a good job really, as he got another new job around the same time as this, this time he said he was unable to see DS on any day unless he was off work. So then contact became 1 'day' a week. Ie. he picked DS up after school, kept him at his parents, then took him to school the next day.
After 4 months like this, I broached the subject with him that although I didn't care if he wanted to see DS, DS did, and was missing time with him. I eventually got the confession out of him that his girlfriend did not want to meet DS still, and this was why he was only seeing him on one day, as his other day off was spent with his girlfriend. He said it would get better soon. He said his girlfriend did not want to see him as a dad.
So, we are over a year later, and thing haven't changed, they have become worse still. He still sees DS, but there are weeks where he doesn't for whatever reason (about 9 weeks last year). Very occasionally he will have him for 2 nights, but that is maybe 3 weeks a year. He never has DS on a weekend day anymore. The last time was probably over 9 months ago. When DS does see his Dad, all they ever do now is go to ExP's sisters. They used to at least go to the occasional film or bowling. Now its nothing at all. I asked him when he was next on holiday, and offered him a full weekend with DS, but he declined, as it was their 'anniversary'. He only accidently has him for 'full' days when DS is on holiday, and ExP doesn't realise. Even then, he only picks him up at 12-1pm, and drops him back early the next day.
At Christmas he seemed to not be bothered about when he would see him. I asked him in October would 4pm on Christmas Day be acceptable for him to pick DS up, and got a message back to say 'i'll see what I can do'. I asked him several times to confirm arrangements, which he finally did... on Christmas Eve!!
I feel so frickin' sad for DS, as he worships the ground his Dad walks on. If it was up to me, he'd see DS less frequently than now, but that isn't my choice, he is his parent too. Even if I think he is a poor influence on my son. But he seems to be pulling away more and more. And now I wonder if he sees him as a chore or a bore that he must do? Am I just being paranoid? Or is this just 'what happens'.