Longish story, but will try and condense:
Ds's dad lives in another city, but comes up to visit ds every 2 months for four days at a time.
I am finding this increasingly difficult for many reasons.
We were never in a serious relationship (was about 8 months) and ds was unplanned (and a very unlikely conception so a shock to me).
I broke off the "relationship" when I was pregant, much to his dad's releif.
At the time he was a one-time journalist and but hadn't worked properly in years, and spent a lot of time smoking weed and sitting on his arse.
He was depressed, and put a lot of mental effort into examining his navel.
I never planned to have a child with a man like this!
Anyway, after ds was born Ex would visit him a couple of times a week, but was no actual help, so I had to move near my folks as I was terrified of getting ill and having no-one to look after ds.
When Ex first began to visit, he would literally sit on the sofa and expect me to do all the tidying, cooking, shopping etc and would never even offer to chip in.
I had to point out again and again why this would not work for me, and over the years (ds is 5) he slowly began to pitch in more. Very slowly.
His excuse for being so useless was always "I'm Ill."
Yeah, well, I had PND, but I had to just get on with it.
He contributed zero financially for the first 2 years, and then I went on IS for a while and they started taking 5 a week from him, which he moaned about.
(He gets sickness benefit, and has always done bits of frelance work on the side so is not that poor)
Although he has improved, and has recently started giving us £9 a week (woo-hoo) The last few years have seen me become very bitter and angry towards him, and I find it hard to have him stay here.
On the one hand, It means I now get a bit of help every 8 weeks, can have a bit of a lie in etc, but on the other the fact that he still considers himself too ill to work, even though he is not too ill to go on holiday or down the pub, makes me crazy.
I had a really bad year last year, lost my job and have struggled to find another.
I am applying for literally anything (shit jobs) and he thinks this is a good idea. For me. He would never stoop to stacking shelves obviously.
As you all know, most P/T jobs are evening and weekends, which I cant do, and so I have managed to get some freelance stuff going on, while still hunting for a p/t job. I need full time money coming in.
I am worried all the time about the bills, and the rent being late and feel like shit that I can't afford to do much with ds this holiday. Even bus fares are a struggle.
Ex lives on more than we do put together.
Ds's school at the moment is a really long walk away and I dont think that he could manage with me working f/t yet as it would be an insanely long day for him.
The upshot is, that I have no respect at all for ds's dad, and I know that I pull him up on things he says and does a lot, and this can't be good for ds. He has a good relationship with his dad, but part of me feels like his dad just doesn't deserve this.
I do all the work, have all the responsibilty and no social life.
My brother had a go at me earlier for arguing with Ex and picking on him, and so now Ex thinks he is vindicated and I feel like a hard faced harridan who hates everybody.
What should I do?
Sorry-so long!