Just a rant about XP. Can't seem to stop feeling angry!!!!! Need someone to make me laugh, instead of wanting to cry!!

[littlemisssarcastic]

XP is a complete wank stain on the fabric of human life, he really is.

He is a total freeloader. Since I was pg, with a child he apparently desperately wanted, he has contributed very little in terms of items for the new baby, maternity wear for me, money towards household bills etc. Just to clarify, we were living together at this point and very much a couple.

We split when DD was 6 months old, when I finally got him out of the house, with a little help from the rubbish police. (I have no faith in the police.)

Since we split, he has seen DD as and when he feels like it, even though we have been to court twice to arrange contact that suits him. No, not good enough, he still doesn't bother.
He has made various allegations to SS, so they investigated numerous times, which was a PITA, yet when it came to him being investigated, he refused to answer the phone, and even told SW to Fuck off and leave me alone!!

Split with g/f who wholly supported his pathetic allegations to SS, and believed him when he said I was a shit mother. (There is much more to this, to the point where DS left home and no longer lives with me because of all the grief with bastard XP.)

Ok, he splits with supportive g/f and since then, has barely seen DD, who incidentally still asks after him, tells me how she went to the zoo (approx a yr ago) with the wonderful daddy, and they fed the elephants. (Wish the fucking elephants had sat on him!!). DD reminds me what daddy's favourite song is on the cd in the car, the toys daddy's ex girlfriend gave her, and on it goes.
Constantly asks 'Why doesn't daddy come to my house?'
XP has now not bothered seeing DD for 6 months, there has been no contact whatsoever between them in this time. XP says he is sorting his life out and will see DD when he has sorted himself out. This could take a while..he's been singing the same tune for the last 8 years that I know of.

I am so fucking angry at him for breaking DD's heart in this slow and prolonged way. It's like torture...slow and prolonged.

Then we come to the maintenance. What a joke!! Not only did this man leave me in thousands of pounds worth of debt, which I am paying off a few pounds a week for the next gazillion years he wont pay maintenance!!

CSA can't get a penny out of him, because he is a tosser job hopper. He was on JSA for 6 weeks and for the first time EVER, I have had 3 x £10 payments. (XP tried to tell me he had sorted this..I admit that made me laugh..more like he didn't get a choice.)
Anyhow, he is working again now, he phoned CSA as soon as he started work to tell CSA he was going to pay me £40 a week (to cover maintenance and arrears which have accumulated over 3 years) and they believed him!!!
CSA phoned me to tell me XP would be paying this money, and gave me dates when he would pay it. I told them it was unlikely but thanked them for their information, and they replied 'He sounded really genuine, I'm sure he wants to sort this out!!'

No he doesn't, he resents paying a fucking penny, even though he is a thief and a liar who even stole all of DD's money...swine!!!!

Lo and behold, he has not paid AGAIN!!!

I am not surprised, but I am bloody angry that he gets away with it time and time again. He does nothing but cause problems and I am just expected to smile sweetly and say 'Never mind, nothing I can do so not to worry.'

Well, I am angry, I am angry that DD suffers, I am angry that we have a few pounds for food for the foreseeable, while tosser XP throws his money down any fruit machine that is closest to the cashpoint!!!! I am angry that DD has to layer up on clothes indoors and wear a fucking bobble hat to bed while he boasts that he has bought his g/f's child a PS3 which will end up pawned at some point, and is taking his g/f out for a meal which XP will remember the exact price of until the end of time and will decide when to justify his next shitty action with the fact he took her for a meal last week. I hope he fucking chokes on his steak.....bastard!!!!!

He phoned me up just before Xmas and asked me suggestions on what to get DD for xmas. Said he was worried about repeating anything I had already got. I told him that was not possible, since I had not got DD anything, I could not afford it.
He replied WHY?
'Because I can barely afford food and heating, along with all the debt you left me with, let alone xmas presents.'
XP replied 'Oh.'

He didn't even get DD a Christmas card.

Oh How deeply I hate him!!!

Rant over!! (Sorry if I have lowered your mood today )

Am so tempted to text the bastard to tell him what a complete knob he is, but thought better to come on here instead. It's probably not a good idea to text him is it?

I have a little girl, she's 4mo now, and i've had issues with her father, his family, ect.
It was NYE last year, and he'd got really drunk/ off his head, looking back i think he might have taken something as we'd had the same to drink and i wasn't drunk. Anyway, we got back i was staying at his, he wasn't my boyfriend, he was one of my close friends. It's a long story, but short version he had a knife, that he was threatening to kill him self with, then started on me, got ontop of me, and i just though it was easier to have sex with him than not, as he had a knife easily to hand and thought it could potentially be a horrific situation.

In the morning, he said he couldn't remember anything at all. conveniently. After telling him what happened, him and his family said i was a liar and started threatening me.

I've not spoke to him since a few weeks after NYE last year.

I've put the whole thing behind me and he will never be in my life. I think you should do the same. It's hard when children are involved, but i'm concentrating on my life, my daughters life.

I'd say put it behind you and move on. I understand how angry you are, believe me.

I hope things get better.

Op I'm not ignoreing you and will comment when I've thought about it a bit more.

Kate - bloody hell!

*ignoring

OP, there's not a lot you can do about it really apart from being on the csa's case all of the time (and everyone will understand why you wouldn't have the energy for that).

Is there family around or friends who can lighten the load a little? Have you spoken to CAB to see if there is anything they can do?

As for DD, it is hard and even harder some days not to snap at them when reminding you of what their dad liked and whatever else. You're not alone there.

Maybe the next time she mentions what dad liked - could you try to turn it around on her? what song does she like best etc etc etc? Just to change the subject some of the time.

As for helping DD get through the hurt, I dont know what to suggest other than to keep reinforcing her that everything is ok and you will make sure it is because you love her and that's what mum's do. That's all I can think to do on those days with my two.

On a final note, yes he is an utter twat.

Thanks for your replies, thank you so much.

I usually don't give the twat much thought, but he pops into my life again in some way, shape or form every so often and it hits me again, just how rubbish he is, and how much he has cost DD, DS and I, in so many more ways than financial.

We are the ones who are left to make the best of a bad situation, we are the ones who are trying to make everything work, after he destroyed our lives, then just wandered off into the distance to continue sorting his life out while he sits back and does nothing to help.

In some strange ways, it is a comfort to know I am not the only one. I have spoken to people in RL, and because they haven't been through it, they ask me over and over why can't I see a solicitor to make him see DD? why can't the CSA make him pay? why wont the police get involved, why dont you write to your MP, why does it take CSA so long to get details of his employment.

When I say this is just the way it works, if ex wants to walk away, no one will make him take responsibility, and no one will strip him of his PR, so we are stuck in limbo, with him dipping in and out of our lives.

RL friends then totally disbelieve me and say this cannot be true, and there must be something that can be done. They say it is unbelievable which I totally agree with.

I am sick of fighting tbh, and that's a part of it, but also I have no faith that there is anyone, MP, police, solicitor, judge etc that can make him stick to contact or pay maintenance. A lot of people have a lot of difficulty accepting this when they haven't been through similar. (One of the many reasons I love MN)

Yep.

I dont give much thought to ex either but every now and again he says something to either me or the kids which has me spitting feathers. As for other peoples advice and opinions, it's like hitting your head against a brick wall.

Yeah, tell me about it, My friends/family have been so supportive but its easier not talking about it, as all their response is 'have you thought about telling the police?'
A year after it happened, when its my word against his? - No thanks.

it's so frustrating, half of me hopes he crawls back in a few years, when i'm looking gorgeous and rich fingers crossed and i can be on my high horse and tell him where to go!

Kate, I just don't know what to say.

With any luck he wont be crawling back at all and you both would have forgotten about him.

I've 100% honestly moved on, i'm not mad or upset about it anymore, i may sound a bit with the crawling back but, but thats only because i do hold a grudge. But what's really helped me, is i've just dived into life, excuse the pun. I've been mega busy with everything, i'm over it.
Honestly am.