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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

do they apologise for not turning up?

3 replies

Happylander · 10/02/2012 13:56

My ex was supposed to have DS for the weekend. He then said he had misunderstood (he was in my kitchen when we went through contact weekends and saw me write it on calendar!) and that he now had plans i.e. function with the OW. I had plans too! Anyway he then agreed he would be there to pick up DS on Sunday morning. Little bit of snow and he decided he wasn't coming and got very pissed instead. Anyway the roads were clear and traffic going in and out of his Army camp, trains were also running with no problems as I checked so I called him at 07:30 to hear him sound very drunk, the OW told him to put the phone down and he did. I called back he said he wasn't coming blah blah.

Anyway apart from a text at 11:30 that day saying traffic may have been going out of camp blah blah but they weren't driving far. I replied 'as I said roads were all clear and the trains were running' I have not heard from him since, not had an apology or anything he has still called my DS twice at my mums house though so he hasn't kicked the bucket!

Anyway is this normal? This is the second time he has preferred to go to some function with OW than see our DS and also preferred to go on holiday with her than spend any time with DS at Christmas. Is this what my life will be like? Treated badly and never an apology? Plus how am I supposed to ever feel happy about this whore spending time with my DS when she has already got in the way of contact and told him to put the phone down on me?

OP posts:
corlan · 10/02/2012 14:14

It's one of the most maddening things about being a single parent. If you messed your XP around about when he could see his child, you could (quite rightly), be taken to court over it. When he messes you around there is not a damn thing you can do about it. Sad

cestlavielife · 10/02/2012 14:15

maybe she told him to put phone down coz he was drunk?

better ds is not with him to be honest.

it isnt about you tho - it is about letting DS down.

but he called DS and (hopefully?) apologised to him ?

dont think the woman got in way of contact - your ex had already decided hadnt he?
he makes his choices.
he choses to put his new woman ahead of his DS.

leave anger at her behind it isnt the ow's fault he is a tosser.

it is annoying if you plan and contact doesnt happen -used to happen with exP too (now no contact really so easier in a way...)

your anger at ow needs addresing tho it will eat you up and tear you apart and does not do you any good or your DS.

sad for your DS but really you could start thinking maybe you could be grateful she has taken your ex off your hands... ?

FannyBazaar · 10/02/2012 21:36

If my ex has agreed to see DS and I make plans to go out, I either let friends know that I can't be 100% certain that I can go until the day before or, I have a plan B babysitter on standby. If I have booked babysitter so I can go out and ex asks to see DS I explain that it's not possible because I have made other plans. I know I can't rely on him, so I don't.

The excuses I get are really crap. Of course I want to question him and prove that he is lying but at the end of the day, he's not going to see DS because he wants to do something else and is never going to come back to me and say 'sorry, I was lying about why I can't come'. I hate so much that he lies to my DS about why he can't see him but I have to accept that it is his decision to be an arse, nothing I can do about it. If I waste time and energy trying to prove he is lying I don't achieve anything.

You won't ever get an apology, at least not a genuine one.

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