Eugh - now what? ExH intercepting DD's texts.

[PlainClothed]

My exH has replied to a text message I sent DD - pretending to be her

It is so obviously not from DD - no txt spk, punctuated, spelt correctly, and the language/style is identical to exH's pompous emails, and certainly not something that an 11 yr old would write or say

The issue itself not a big deal - I only texted to ask if she would be dropping her overnight bag in before school when she walks past this morning - but the fact that exH has replied, with a cryptic and all-together unnecessary response, and signed it off as her, is bothering me hugely.

Should I talk to her about it? Ask her about "her" reply? Or should I leave it and let it fester as yet another reminder of why I divorced the arse him?

Ring the phone, speak to DD and then to him and ask him politely not to text on DD's phone. Don't ask if it was him, because if there is a possibility you'll be drawn into an argument, then that is what will happen. Just a quick "Hello twat exH, please don't text me on DD's phone. If you need to contact me, text as yourself on your own phone, thanks" and hang up. Treat himas he has behaved. A silly child: you are the adult.

Any good?

Knickerless - certainly worth remembering for the future - in this case, though, he replied to the text I sent DD last night very early this morning so I got it when I woke up (which is another indication that DD didn't send it as she's not a morning person) and he's at work/she's at breakfast club now.

You're not the first who has suggested that I treat him like a child, as his behaviour is generally like this - but if that is what he is, then why should I trust him to care for DD? I seem to be expected to trust he will behave like an adult, but make allowances when he doesn't, and it's getting a bit wearing, tbh.

Is he keeping her phone from her then, or does she have it with her in school?

She's at primary still - her overnight bag is held in the office until the end of the day; which is on of the reasons I have suggested she drop them in before school

I don't know if her phone is in the bag or not (she's not allowed it in class) - sometimes she "forgets" it, or chooses not to bring it as I don't allow her the same freedom with it as her Dad does.

I would mention it to her - presumably the text will still be on her phone (unless your ex is devious enough to have deleted it?) so she could see it for herself.

She ought to know that he's doing that - as possible he could decide to text other people pretending to be her. Would you be happy to show her how to put a lock on the phone (ie code to enter before it can be used)?

Though just a thought though - is it possible she knew he'd texted you? Eg Ex notices the text, asks her if she wants to drop bag off, she answers but is half asleep and he offers to text you back for her, so she says fine. And he then paraphrases her answer? So another reason to check with her before you accost your ex about it I would think.

Oh dear

My gentle enquiry resulted in DD becoming very defensive; I am even more sure that her Dad did write the text but it seems likely it was at her request and she doesn't want to tell me

Anyone got any suggestions on how I can deal with "losing" DD? That's a whole other thread

I've replied to my exes texts to9 dds phones - can't see the big deal tbh.

Now I know DD (probably) knew about it, I'm less irate at her dad - disappointed that she doesn't have the time to prioritise contact with me, though and delegates it to someone else

Her dad spoils her rotten and does everything to make her life as convenient and hassle-free as possible; so he is definitely in-favour; I'm the mean one who tries to teach her responsibility, manners and respect

That must be hard, plainclothed :( But keep going. My parents are not divorced, but when I was a child, my mum was always the enforcer and my dad the one who let me get away with blue murder. I know my mum found that really difficult. But now I'm grown up, I'm hugely grateful to my mum for ensuring that I didn't grow up a selfish, entitled, spoilt brat. Now the same relations are playing out with their grandchildren, relations between me and my dad are in fact quite strained. In retrospect, I resent the way he tried to make everything easy for me.

I know it's a long game, but rest assured that your dd will see through her dad in time, and you will reap the lifetime rewards!

So if your DD was happy for her Dad to text you, then he is not sneaking about and doing it so what's the problem really? I think it's pretty normal for an 11 year old to be more focused on texting friends than her Mum and I wouldn't take it to heart. We have a 12 yr old and she often doesn't want to "waste" her credit on her parents - not really a big deal, try not to let it bother you

elvis the text was from her phone, signed 'love DD' but she obviously didn't send it.
If she was too busy to reply then fine - but I wonder what else her Dad would be prepared to do for her; obviously, he's happy to lie/deceive me

But she knew about it and had asked him to do it - sometimes I ask DH to reply to a text from a friend if I am making dinner or whatever and he will sign it of as me. It's not about deceiving someone, juts about sending an answer to a question.

I can tell you are upset about it but I genuinely think you are making it into a big issue when it's not really. If he had replied as her behind her back unknown to her that would be totally different, but she probably just couldn't be bothered to type out a reply. Not ideal, but also not unusual at her age not to prioritise Mum.