Oh get a life!

[thefroggy]

Or more to the point, how do I?

So this is my existence:

Weekdays: wake up, send kids off to school. Do housework. Kids come back, cook tea, go to bed.

Saturday: Go shopping, cook, bed.
Sunday: Housework, cook, bed.

I've been looking for a job for 2.5 years since I got made redundant, I dont find many, when I do I apply, I never hear anything back.

All my friends are settled. I don't go out. I have been to a pub twice in two years if you dont count the meals for dd's birthday.

There is no man in my life, in four days it will be three years since I had a partner, not that he really was anyway, the cheating shitbag.

It is rather embarrassing when people ask "oh, so what have you been up to?".

I could bloody scream at times, i'm 34 and it's like my life is over!

What would you like to do?

One thing that's always helped me is my martial arts class - something that's entirely for me.

Have you tried voluntary work or looked into any training courses you can go on? A great way to mix with others and get some skills and hopefully a job. How about mystery shopping? It's not a great money spinner but it is something to do, you can get free meals out, movies, bowling, coffees or just a tenner for browsing a shop and writing a report. Try to keep a bottle of wine in the house at all times and encourage friends to pop round once DCs are in bed.

So you have six hours everyday to do something while the kids are at school - go swimming, to the cinema, take a course in whatever you want to work at

At the weekends don't you take the kids anywhere except shopping?!?

I can totally relate to you. Although my DD is only 2 so my day revolve around parent and toddler groups.

Have you tried the doit volunteering website to find something near you just so you can have a bit of a social life and get some work experience to update your cv. There are lots of different things on there from being a scout leader, collecting for charitys, working in charity shops, conservation work. Hopefully you could find something in your area that would fit around school times and you might make some new friends/ find a man if you wanted one.

You could also try to find a cheapish class that children and adults can do together such as karate to shake up your routine a bit.

Chores definitely expand to fill the time, so you have to be brutal in carving out a few hours for yourself.

I have looked for training but but haven't a clue where to get any that doesn't cost hundreds. Voluntary work I couldn't do for the first 12 months of unemployment as it was prohibited on my redundancy insurance (I know, crazy).

Every other weekend ds goes to his dad so we dont tend to do anything. I can't drive so activities are limited anyway.

Cross posted, what website is that single?

So drop kids at school go to local library look on notice board look for classes or voluntary work or something. Make it a target to phone one organisation per day. Go on Internet in library so you out of the house not at home cleaning.
check the local papers and Internet for local charities and organisations. Volunteer in local charity shop. Or hospital.

Or go jogging round park. (wear tracsuit to drop kids off )

Change your life slowly
Cut the housework and do something positive .

You have the time while they at school just tell yourself you not allowed to go home after dropping kids off you have to go elsewhere to look for voluntary work or to exercise. Dog walking. ?

Look on council website or job centre for free training. Check local paper too where courses sometimes advertised.

And stop going home and doing housework every day.
It won't fulfil you.

ps can you learn to drive?

Open University offers student loans/means-tested grants etc if you fancied going down that route.

Hi Froggy....I'm a total newbie on these boards, but can relate to your situation so thought I'd stop by and say hi.

When it comes to training, you truly don't need to worry about money. Given your circumstances, it would nearly always be free or covered by a grant that you wouldn't need to pay back until you're earning a decent wage whenever that happens to be.

You could go down the P/T degree route at your local uni. They LOVE mature students at university and really do offer an immense amount of financial support - non-repayable grants to cover childcare, travel, books etc.

If uni seems a bit full on then there's nothing to stop you doing a "just for fun" course at the local college - photography, cake decorating, jewellery making....anything and everything. Lots of other bored mums go to the courses for just the same reason as you, so you'd probably make friends with others and could perhaps get a babysitting circle set up so that you could snatch the odd (and much needed!) night out.

The world's your oyster...even if it doesn't feel like it.

Good luck

College courses?

I am exactly the same froggy. I need to get a life! Your thread has really helped me. Want to be friends on messenger? :)

Hi froggy, another one who can sympathise, i am 37 and a single mum to 3 children, 12, 7 and 2 on friday. I do exactly the same thing when i dont work as I do have something you dont, which I dont want to rub it in but I do work part time and I can imagine how bored you must feel as I often say to people, even though working makes it more stressful organising childcare etc, I would go mad if I didnt work, but thats only 3 days a week.

On Tues, thurs and sundays, I take kids to where they need to go, go straight to work and then pick them up, do tea and off to bed. On my days off I take kids to school, oldest two and me and lo stay in all day, (trying save for hols) then get kids from school when its time, do tea, go bed. I dont have anyone to babysit so I can go out at night, last time I went out was months ago, so when people say to me what have you been up to, i want to crawl up my own bum cos all I can say is "nothing".

I hope you get the work thing sorted as I do think that will help immensely.

Good luck.

Thanks all, sorry for no reply for a few days. I'm feeling really down at the moment. My son had some problems with other kids over the weekend which didn't help. Funny how neither of us have been out for years and still get hassle. I just can't seem to see any end to this bloody lonely miserable existence.

It can be better froggy. You are obviously depressed. Can GP help? It might be a step in the right direction to breaking the rut and monotony.

OP, your life sounds a lot like mine. I don't get out much and all my friends are coupled up. I have just finished uni and am currently looking for a job (1st interview on weds ). The only difference is that I volunteer 3 days a week and I can't underestimate how much difference it makes. I would be bored out of my head if I didn't do it. It really gives me a sense of purpose.

I'm already on anti d's loaf (that looks strange, what do I call you? ). I've been on them over ten years and have had anxiety for a long time too which does make it very difficult for me to meet new people. When I was settled in a job I could deal with it, when i've had friends I could deal with it, when i've had a partner (although I've lived alone for 13 years) I could deal with it. I've always had one of those at least, sometimes all three . This is the first time i've been totally without.

I've tried to make an effort with my friends, suggesting we meet up now and again but nothing ever comes of it and I dont want to push it and look desperate. I cant say I blame them in a way, who wants to spend time with someone who has nothing to talk about? "How's work?" oh, "how's the lovelife?" oh, "did you hear what so and so did?" oh.

[sob]

The Open University have financial awards for their courses, so while a course may cost hundreds they may pay it for you anyway. Studying is really rewarding in so many ways. You'll have tutorials once or twice a month, so you'll meet people who are interested in what you're interested in as well. Two of my best friends now are from my OU tutorials. We e-mail each other a lot (not generally about the course either), support each other, meet up at other times, go for coffee or lunch after tutorials, phone each other when we're having problems, all that stuff.

Otherwise, my life was like yours (and had been for 10years, even though I live with dh), but now there's a whole other dimension to it. And it'll help me get a job at the end of it.

You should feel blessed...you can do anything!!
Are you existing solely off benefits and maintenance? Dont give up searching for a job at all, it really will make a huge difference, and you will be earning your own income to pay your own mortgage and it will help your self esteem loads.

The others are right; the OU are a great help and you can get a degree in your own time (i did this as well as working, and being a lone parent) - it gives you something to aim for!

Dear froggy,
I think its a feeling a lot of mums get. We kinda give up our lives, and live for our children. Mine are now 10 and 15, so I was starting to feel "whats next?" My confidence had completely gone, and I had nothing to say. Been a lone parent for a year, and on JSA for a year. This may sound silly, so dont laugh! But I bought mayself a Paul Mckenna book, Instant confidence. Kinda read through it in a couple of nights. It came with a CD, that I try and listen to most nights (normally fall asleep during, but thats ok). I really feel that my whole attitude is changing, making my life change.
I now have a part-time nursery job, which I love. I am a very nervous person, but its getting better, much better. I got to the point I had to change things, the kids are getting older, and soon I wont get any benefits or help. So I have to start building myself up, and get those things that I want and need.
Please try the book/cd, you have nothing to loose, and everything to gain. Give it a few weeks, and think about how great you are!

Ok, looking at the amount of free time you have I feel quite jealous. Well, now I do...

When I was working part time (lovely time) the way I used to organise myself was: Monday: cleaning the house and do errands. Wednesday: Brunch with other mums and shopping afterwards, back to work in the afternoon. Fridays cooking and freezing enough food for the week. All the afternoons and weekends were free for DS and I. It was a great time, the house was spotless, my stress levels were low, we were eating plenty of healthy food, and we were having a great time.

However, when I was unemployed it was a disaster, things that before I could do in one morning were taking sometimes the full week. The problem was finding the motivation to go on with things or even out of the door. I confess I didn't do well back then, but something very simple that helped a lot was to ensure I was properly dressed before DS woke up. Just starting the day without running around mad, and feeling well with myself made a huge difference: I then found it very easily to walk down to the shop, library, or just go for a walk instead of head straight home and then spend the rest of the morning doing a half hearted attempt of cleaning and spending so many hours in front of the computer.

Now I work full time... gosh, things are difficult but needs must, I guess.

As for the men... well, in order to go out you need to have access to babysitting, and if you don't have it, is practically impossible. But, I have friends who have managed to make good friends and even built friendships into proper relationships by meeting for a coffee at lunch time in the early days. :-)