Does anyone's ex see there lo's but pay no maintenance ?

[Kelly3034]

Hi
After reading the posts on here I cant see any that relate with my situation so I thought I'd post this.
I have a 2year yr old daughter with my ex. We broke up when lo was 6 months after I found out he hadn't actually finished his relationship with his supposed ex before me! So he was in effect leading a double life!

Anyway to cut a long story short I ended things with us. Throughout all this my ex never stopped seeing lo. He also never paid us a penny and just stated he will pay and provide for lo when he sees her.

My ex constantly let lo down yet I still strongly believed that a child needs to see their father.
Only recently has ex started a new relationship and had quickly had a baby.
He has since kept regular contact of every Saturday but with no overnight contact.
I still haven't received any money for maintenance to this day.
I have contacted Csa , they managed to do nothing to help me as he often works cash in hand.

Does anyone else have this situation going on at the moment?
X

Loads of us I imagine!

I'm one of them. He doesn't (officially) work because working would mean the CSA taking money for CM.

I seem to only see post about ex's who dont pay anything and either they dont bother seeing there lo's or the rp doesnt allow contact.
Its nice to know there are others in my situation as normally the response i get when i explain my ex sees lo and yet doesnt pay anything towards her upbringing is "are you mad , stop him from seeing her then he will pay!"
I just think my god i would love to get money from him,it would make our lives a hell of a lot easier as i work as many hrs as i can therefore feel i want to spend all my free time with lo. But in reality its not going to happen so why should i take contact away when lo is clearly enjoying it and she doesnt care at the moment about who pays for what.

@toothbrushthief so does he claim benefits ? do you get any money from them through csa ?

At least report him for tax evasion!

already have done severel times but nothing has come of it ?

Hi Kelly3034,

You seem to be living my life - lol, welcome to the club.

You can join if you have an ex who cheats the system by working cash in hand, and the csa will give you £10 a fortnight even though they are driving a BMW and dripping in bling!

He sees DS every week for a couple of hours, takes him to McD's and let's him play the Wii at daddy house. He does occasionally have him overnight during school holidays.

I have tried every possible option, including witholding access, to be honest - he's not that bothered and it only upset DS.

My friends just keep reminding me that when he is older, and has a degree and a good job and a good foundation in life, he'll know who worked their socks off to get him there.

Keep smiling - you're a great mum and that's all that matters.

Yep my ex refuses to pay and jumps in and out of jobs so csa cant get it off him. Only time I get any is if his on benefits and they take the fiver a week straight off of him. I keep my maintenance issues apart from contact I asked him if he was going to contribute to her and he refused so I went straight to the CSA I normally have to ring them weekly to see how the case is going, the arrears are mounting but he will have to pay eventually. My 2yrold DD is with her Dad 8.30 - 5pm twice a week.

I wouldnt withold access, courts wouldnt look kindly on that. Try and keep the contact regular. I wouldnt rush into overnight contact if you can help it because itll be a bigger change for her at that age if he stops seeing her.

Good luck x.

Children have the right to financial support, and the right to contact.

These things are separate in law, although it's regularly the worst ex's who neither pay nor have contact.

If he's cash in hand, then CSA are unlikely to be able to touch him as his income isn't legal - I had a similar thing with my ex, as she was working in a cash industry... You can try via the "income not consistent with lifestyle" CSA form, but like I say, you'll probably get more satisfaction from dobbing him in to HMRC and DWP.

But that's a bit vengeful and still won't get him to pay anything.

Looks like the best you'll get is £10 per fortnight from his benefits, if he's on them.

My ex is on benefits but I still get nothing!!!

He has DC overnight one day a week which apparently constitutes shared care and thus he pays sweet fa (CSA told me this)

huh? the CSA calculator shows 52 - 103 nights and benefits (I tried 65 a week then went down to £45 per week) still means £5 per week to you, Toothbrush.

Does your ex have other DC?

Yes ex has been seeing DS every fortnight (although not consistently at times) for a couple of years now, last time the CSA managed to get any money from him was about 8 months ago. Contact has now stopped but it had nothing to do with maintenance money, although I think ex should support his son I try and keep the issues of maintenance and contact separate.

No other DC. The CSA have told me I get nothing. Can you link me to that?

Found it myself:

You told us

Number of nights the parent without the main day-to-day care has the child: 52 to 103

The parent without the main day-to-day care is receiving benefits.

Based on the information you gave us, no child maintenance would be payable. However, you could still make a family-based arrangement and/or agree payments 'in kind' for child maintenance Like that's gonna happen!

Well my ex is on JSA and I get my paltry £10 per week through the CSA.

I wouldn't bother if she'd made any effort to pay when she works or worked, if she made an effort to stay in consistent contact, or if she didn't have other sources of income, but that's a separate issue.

What amount are you putting in as his income?

I don't know his income but the CSA should. I assume it's zero because he doesn't work and covered by the 'is he on benefits? yes' bit

I'm using this calculator.

Mine used to. He was earning f all so I just let it lie (I got tax credits, etc, wasn't too badly off - he was living off JSA and funding 1 night a week's food, etc for DCs so realistically he couldn't afford much).

He now has them two nights a week and also pays £120 a month as he has a job :)

So I think it's worth keeping up the contact even if you get no money from him at present - it's good for your DD to see her dad, it's good for you to get a break, and he's much more likely to pay in the future if you've let him stay involved in your DD's life.

for JSA:

How much?
If you're aged 16-24 you receive £53.45 a week
If you're aged 25 or over you receive £67.50 a week

1. Income-based JSA

Income-based JSA is 'means tested', which means it's based on how much (if any) income you already have and how much you have by way of savings. You can claim if: You have an insufficient National Insurance contributions record Your contribution-based JSA has run out after six months You are claiming for a partner How much? Single people, aged under 25: £53.45 a week Single people aged 25 or over: £67.50 a week Couples and civil partnerships (both aged 18 or over): £105.95 a week Lone parents (aged under 18): £53.45 a week Lone parents (aged 18 or over): £67.50 a week These are maximum amounts. You may get less once household income and savings have been taken into account.

try putting the appropriate amount in rather than 0. That may well be why it's telling you nothing instead of £5 per week. AFAIK it's £5 per week, as your circumstances are much the same as mine - single child, ex on benefits.

On phone so have to be brief but if your exp is co-inhabiting and his new sp is in receipt of tc's you can put a claim in for that. They don't publicize it is policy. I asked about it and they said I could'nt so I went to my m.p. and within 5 days I had a phone call from csa parliament office to apologize and they backdated my cm from a year, funnily enough exp 'found' a job within 3 months after that

Pinkcar: even adding that amount in gives

Based on the information you gave us, no child maintenance would be payable. However, you could still make a family-based arrangement and/or agree payments 'in kind' for child maintenance

I am lucky to work and be able to support the DC! It's a joke tbh

Yep. He is in the other room having tea with ds.
He is apparently "too ill with depression" to work in a proper job. Instead he supplements his £80 odd quid a week with cash in hand work. And lets his girlfriend take him on holidays.

The first 1.5 years he paid zero. After that he paid £5 a week. Now, after five years he is paying £10 a week.

He pays no council tax, water in his flat, and is getting HB, so he actually lives on more per week than ds and I at the moment.

I am in the bedroom because he keeps complaining about being cold. After he let all the heat out by leaving the bathroom window wide open for 2 hours.

I fond the situation very hard, because, although he comes to see ds regularly, and is good with him, I have had so much stress and worry in the last year about money, and feel so angry all the time about it.

FWIW, he says he doesnt understand why I am angry..!

I've got one of those too. has DS every other weekend, but doesn't pay a penny for anything else.

and if i ask him to look after DS in the holidays he can;t because 'hes got to go to work'

like I dont.

At least he does provide some sort of father contact.

hi, am basically in the same situation as urself my LO is 1 and a half, his dad was in his life for the first 4 weeks, never saw him again till my son was 7 months old, the first month he didnt pay any csa money, i contacted csa and done it through them...
wen i was pregnant he left me, didnt show to scans etc got daft excuses!!
the first 4 weeks of my sons life i got excuse after excuse one night i evengot 3 excuses in the one night not to see my son!! enough was enough i didnt need stress, i changed my mobile number, he knew my house number and facebook!! didnt hear from him for 3 months (@ xmas time on the day i took my son to c santa) via facebook he sent me a msg callin me a bad mother and a court letter was getting sent which i never recieved!!
the day before mothers day i recevied a letter from his lawyer, i went straight to a lawyer explained everything nothing stopped him seeing my son!! i just changed my mobile number because i wasnt taking abuse off an arsehole!!
my son was 7 months wen he saw his dad this would have been may, visitation started at 3 hours on a saturday or sunday as soon as he started seeing him the payments stopped - and he was working!! this was for 3 months until he started claiming benefits!!
went to court he got 6 hours one day a week!! the thing is since hes started seeing my son he doesnt ask how he is after or before visits or durning the week!! as soon as his 6 hours r over my son doesnt exist to him! hes even brought my son back on 3 different occasions because he was a little bit sick! i deal with illnesses all the time and he cant handle a little spit up!! since i was pregnant to this very day ive had 33 different excuses! at xmas he started demanding over nights in court and his lawyer went on oh he cant do this day or that he has a new job!! i work full time and work around my sons scedual all the time and still manage to have time and energy to see my son!! anyway as u prob guessed it he got extra days over xmas only allowing me to have 1 day with my son - xmas day!! he got overnight granted as well!! on xmas eve my son spat up a little bit of milk i got the blame and brought back after 5 minutes his excuse was i didnt want to take him shopping - what did i do take him shopping to get last minute things and yes he was fine better than fine, great!!
overnights r a nightmare because ive had my son in a routine where hes slept through the night since he was 7 weeks old, when he comes back hes awake up to 5 times a night! it can take 2 weeks to get him back into a routine!! ive fought this at court and lost basically not enough evidence but how can u all i can do is put it in a diary, ive even suggested video diary to my lawyer but she said his lawyer can turn around and say this didnt happen at this time!! or thats not the child!!
in january another court hearing again his lawyer banged on about new job, and am sitting there thinking to my self fuck sake ive worked in the same job for 3 years hes been in 6 different jobs in one year!! hes a feckless father who thinks the world owes him something! i said to the court im not willing to do overnight n if overnight gets granted only 1 a month due to my sons routine, he got 2 every 3 weeks an absoulte joke!!
this weekend he shows on the wrong day and lose it because i have my son my day off work and he has him the other so i can go to work!! i nearly lost my job because of this as i had to phone in and say i can make it in and it will be the same next weekend!! when my son left, i got a bank statement through im the type of person who doesnt read her statements cos i no where my money goes!! and noticed no payments since october from csa!! phoned csa yesterday had a big arguement wif them and they said they were trying to et in contact and he failed to get bk in touch
i told him this and i got called scum, a liar, a disgracful mothe and a so called mother!!

i sent my lawyer the longest email because am not allowing it anymore!! he hasnt paid 7 month for my son even though he has been working! i want to stop contact until he can provide for my son! all my sons clothes, toys, food, nursery fees and the roof over his head comes from my wages!!

i dont mind beig a sole provider for my son infact i luv it!! im proud ive done it but im not letting someone else take pride and make out they done it!!

there must be a loophole in court where they r not for the fathers and take the mothers point of view instead of grantig feckless fathers everything!!

he brings negitivity in to a positive household!! :( id really like advice off someone to get somethig put in place or tell me what i can do!! x

I get no maintenance from ex. He isn't working though he may be getting some supply work (he's a teacher). I have contacted the CSA but am still waiting. He doesn't see why he needs to provide for his children when I get tax credits and even said he ought to be entitled to some of them! Yet he sees them every other weekend. Feel like a mug sometimes!