Lean on me when you're not strong....

[Earlybird]

For those of us who are single, and therefore without dh/dp:
Who can you count on for emotional support?
Who is there for you when you need practical support?

Emotional support from friends,i only have a couple of very close friends who know me inside out so usually know me well when somethings not right.
Practical support not really got much in way of that,all house work,diy,shopping,school runs,appointments everything down to myself .
Have one friend who can help out with childcare if im really stuck,as DS1 has severe autism so needs specified care which can only be provided by this one friend or his respite carer.
So pretty much manage everything on my own and am bery happy about it too

Practical help - my Mum. Has been fantastic !!
Emotional help - best mate and ex's mum.
Really odd, there were a few people I thought I was really close to but after all this happened have realised they were only everyday friends and a couple of friends who were fairly casual acquaintances have proved to be really valuable friends!

I am extremely lucky

practical support
have parents and brother etc in same town
have in-laws who have already come to stay twice and H only left 10 wks ago

emotional support
have very good friends at work
have very good friends locally
(family try but are hurting too and so I feel guilty talking to them about it)

Have found both of these to be severely lacking. On a practical level, I have organised a network of people I can pay. I have a small house & limited income but I've found having a living in aupair has been worth every penny & every inconvenience.
Emotionally, went to counselling for a while - made a huge difference. Other than that I have a few friends I bleat to occasionally, until I see their eyes glaze over. Mumsnet was fantastic for me during the break up.

I'm living at home wth my parents still so practical help is there at times, when they feel like it.
Emotional support there isnt really anyone, i have to keep my feelings to myself and try and get on looking after dd best i can.Which is hard since her dad left 4 months ago but i havent been allowed time to hurt and talk bout how i'm feeling cos my parents seem to think that it shouldnt bother me. But it does, and i feel so alone.

Nikaleeona - come on Mumsnet - we understand that it bothers you - of course it does
all your future wishes for you & your daughter have been crushed - thats not to say you cant make new ones but at the moment you have to grieve for what you have lost

I think people dont know what to say and so try to chivy you along so they dont have to deal with your pain - they dont mean to do it but its hard for them

like Busgy2, I have found MN to be very helpful and supportive as people here have been through similar situations AND I too find that people glaze over OR I feel guilty or worried that Im boring people....

noone. literally noone. my parents wont help, my friends have disappeared and my colleagues are lads. i am ver lonely but worse, becoming very hard about forcing myself to get on with it, to the point where i suspect i am going to find it extremyl hard to give anyone a chance to be part of my life. any suggestions well received.

Feel the same prettyfly. Am really struggling to imagine what sort of man I could ever tolerate in my life now!! Although its hard, at least I am the boss and life runs according to how I make it run. [Big sigh emoticon]

I was thinking the other day...if H can leave children (ok I know he left me but even so) how on earth can I trust a man NOT related to care and love my children?

I can deal with rejection but just not sure I could risk it happening to my children again

having said that, its only been 10 weeks so I am not even interested in looking for anyone else

i know. its so hard to bekllieve that you could trust someone with your little ones when even their own father didnt care enough to stick around.

my poor DS is so confused at the moment

he keeps asking where daddy's bike is - hes worried I will take it to the tip

have to keep reassuring him that I will not throw out any of daddys stuff; that daddy needs his bike to take him out for rides

breaks my heart

how are you today prettyfly1

hi mistress miggins, that must be so hard. although it was lonely being pregnant, in some ways i think it was best because my son doesnt know his daddy and cant break my heart wiht questions like that. i dont know how you manage to answer. i am ok. doing two jobs at the moment to pay for my degree and bloody shattered!big hugs to everyone!!!!!!!!!1

Hello, Earlybird, I don't know if you will remember me, but I used to be on this site, most recently under the name of DWC/DickWhittingtonsCat/TurnAgainCat etc. I have been on another site which has a different vibe but still see Binkie socially. We had dinner yesterday and she thought that you would be a good person for me to get in touch with for some very specific advice. This website is not letting me CAT at the moment. I wonder whether you could kindly CAT me? Best Wishes to you and your daughter; I know that she was starting school last Sept and hope that has all gone well, including your journey on foot.

Hi DWC - of course I remember you. I hope you are well, and that you are getting the support you need from the other site.

I will be happy to be in touch directly, but like you, I do not have CAT priviledges at the moment.

You may not know, but Mumsnet have now asked that we all pay a CAT fee in order to use the service. I have written to them (prompted by your posting!) to have my fee waived as I sent a subscription contribution only a few months ago. Long way of saying, I will CAT you shortly when I've heard from Mumsnet HQ whether or not I must pay the fee. Hopefully, I'll hear from them soon and will get in touch directly. Shouldn't take too long.

Until then, take care and I look forward to being in touch.

Emotional support - have one brilliant friend who unfortunately doesn't live nearby but who will listen to me even on a bad day! Try to always put on a brave face with other friends.

Practical support - still very minimal (split up with h nearly a year ago), do pretty much everything myself. Like bugsy2, am coming to the conclusion that I will have to find paid support, particularly for school holidays to cover when I work, as dd2 has special needs and we currently have no respite care - although can't really afford to pay anyone.

I also find it hard to imagine myself finding an adequate man!! Life just seems incredibly monotonous these days - school, work, home, chores, sleep......

DWC - CAT is now sorted, so I've sent a message....

To all those who are struggling to imagine trusting another man for themselves and even more so for their kids I can offer some hope!

I was exactly the same after my exp left 6 years ago when my dd2 was only 3 months old. He had sporadic contact for a year but since then none at all and left the country so doesn't pay child support either.

I had a few flings eventually but mostly they were rubbish and left me feeling worse. But then I met my dp 16 months ago. I knew I could trust him before I even fell in love with him because he had been married and faithful for 22 years (until she left for someone else), his eldest dd was with him full-time and the other 2 50% of the time. He was so obviously a lovely man who is a fantastic father that I just knew he'd be the best step-father in the world for my dds.

They are not the easiest of kids to get close to because they are quite reserved with new adults but he is sticking in there and trying so hard and accepts the role totally. He will be the only father they ever know most probably.

Anyway it can be done and when you feel more ready I'm sure you'll meet someone. It took me 4.5 years to be ready. I had totally accepted that it was never going to be that way for me and was happy with the idea and then bam I met dp 9on-line btw so that can work too!).

I always was lucky before because my parents have been fantastic support practically and emotionally. Friends were great too but no one was much use practically. Maybe I am too much of a coper or find it too hard to ask.

Thanks Listmaker, nice to hear of a "success" story.

this thread has made me realise what a tough cookie i must be.......i've got my mum...i love her to pieces........and .......thats.......it!
i didnt go to school because of severe depression from age 11.....so i didnt develop any friendships......got out to work at 16 , fell pregnant at 17......baby by 18....me and ds ever since.......
i am a chatty person, outgoing and not at all shy.....just i dont bond well with others....the few i've trusted, ive been hurt.....so i tend to not get close.

so apart from my mum who i see a few times a week...im pretty much my own support......which is fine by me, my ds keeps me happy and healthy, so he's my emotional and practical support.

hi there faeriemum, i actually think its the nature of single mums to be strong in general. not much choice to be anything else and well done for surviving all of that!!!!

I have a question. for those of you who went thru acrimonious splits when does it stop hurting qutie so much and any suggestions on not feeling bitter. i dotn actually want to hate him but the mere mention of his name drives to me the point of distraction!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

i dont know if this helps at all....cant see how it will but ho hum! ...i left ex while 4months preggers because i just woke up one morning and realised that i wasnt happy...i was so ill with pregnancy and just didnt feel right....so went to stay at dm's.......thought it may have just been hormones...but once ds arrived it was obvious that it wasnt my hormones.........

i started to feel angry at him....like it was his fault...and i've kept the feeling ever since...ds is 21months now.....and ex only saw him at newborn...has had no contact since...must have been my attitude towards him....which is sad, but then i really couldnt help it! i only had to hear his name and i'd be like 'RAHHHHHH GRRRRRR STUPID F-IN '
...i dont understand why it's still like that...its not as if he hurt me or was bad towards me.....i thought maybe i was angry at him for giving me responsibilites (sp?) .(dont get me wrong i would do anything for my ds...he's my world) .... shrugs its a funny world!