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Is this normal behaviour from ex?

3 replies

mrscolour · 07/02/2012 15:44

So children had their contact at the weekend, due back at 6.00. I get a phonecall at 4.30 saying ds hasn't been well all day, shall he bring them back early. This was the first I'd heard about ds not being well and he expects me to be available immediately for kids to come home. So I told him to bring them back in half an hour which he did.

The previous contact he brought the children back an hour early without letting me know that this was what he was doing to do and I had to explain to him that it might have been upsetting for the kids if I hadn't have been there.

So he knows his son isn't well but then doesn't contact me at all yesterday to find out how he is - not even a text. I sat in the same room with him at a mediation session this morning and he still doesn't ask how his son is (I have been up half the night with both children being ill). And he sits there and says how much he cares for his children.

I have also reluctantly agreed to him taking the kids to N Ireland in the Easter holidays and he then says he could just take ds and not dd - it doesn't seem to occur to him that this could be upsetting for both children.

It's like they only exist when they are with him. He doesn't seem to think about how things might affect the kids' feelings.

Is this normal behaviour from a NRP?

I am finding it hard to encourage my kids to have a relationship with a parent who is demonstrating such little understanding of their feelings.

He also doesn't seem to be able to see why he should be contributing financially towards his children.

OP posts:
corlan · 07/02/2012 17:41

I'd say the acting as if they only exist when they are with him is fairly common - maybe it's his way of coping of with not being in their lives full time any more.
You just have to stand firm - it sounds daft but don't open the door if he brings them back early. He'll soon get the message!

The not understanding why he should support his children financially is just bullshit though! Luckily, you have the law on your side for this problem and you should be able to get him to comply by applying to the CSA.

mrscolour · 07/02/2012 20:09

i've applied to the CSA and he's really pissed off. He's trying to say he should have a share of the tax credits!

OP posts:
FannyBazaar · 07/02/2012 20:53

I get that sort of behaviour from my ex. When we first split up, he didn't think he should pay any child support because I got Child Benefit and tax credits and he didn't! He also suggested I should be paying him money because he paid the mortgage for 2 years while I looked after DS! Bloody cheek, I paid the mortgage singlehandedly on previous occasions because he was between jobs or had debts to pay and bailed him out numerous times.

I often get texts from ex to say he will bring DS home early, sometimes I have been out and come back to find them waiting outside the house for me!

I've never ever had ex ask how DS is even if I have spoken to him and he hasn't seen him for months. It never occurs to him.

Seems fairly common behaviour.

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