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Access issues. Help please

4 replies

delilahlilah · 05/02/2012 19:04

Had to name change for this due to information included

DS1's Dad is an alcoholic. He got progressively worse, putting drink before DS, and becoming abusive and violent. He had his chances, we left. Have had many incidents with him, but finally got him reasonably well trained with DS and them spending time together. He wouldn't listen re the drinking, and was drinking excessively when DS was with him, so I reduced his access to the afternoon to limit what he could get up to. Long story short, he had a heart attack which frightened him in to stopping drinking. His health improved along with his relationship with DS. Despite the improvements he had another heart attack, and gave up smoking as well.
Over the last few months, some of his so called friends encourage him to have wine, because it 'didn't count' apparently... this came in a pint glass Shock and quickly reached silly amounts. He is now drinking ALL the time to excess. He won't listen, and will probably end up having another heart attack, leaving DS to suffer if the worst happens. I am at my wits end with him. If it wasn't for DS, I wouldn't care, BUT... it's so hard to watch your child deal with this.
Dropped DS off to him yesterday at 5pm, he took him straight to the pub to watch the rugby, and this afternoon spent in the pub drinking and watching the rugby. He got a lift to drop DS off Angry He's not even a rugby fan, it's just another excuse to drink in the pub! I really want to slap him at this point in time. It's pointless for DS to spend time with him.
Probably relevant: DS is 13, and these access / drinking issues have been going on for 10 years. Mediation people were useless and let him get away with loads. I don't know if I should get legal advice and go to court to prevent him drinking when has access as I don't want to make any of this harder for DS. DS does want to see him, but not drinking / in pub. Any advice please.

OP posts:
MrGin · 05/02/2012 19:55

Sadly nothing will stop him drinking, not even a court order.

I'm sorry for your son and you. But I'd expect your XP to be dead fairly soon from what you describe. Alchoholism is a terrible disease and seems very unfair for your dc to have to witness it.

Me personally, I'd stop any visits unless accompanied by someone responsible.

I hope someone will give you better advice soon.

foolonthehill · 05/02/2012 20:18

Actually i think Mr Gin is spot on...you have a duty of care to your son, he is 13 and IMO pubs are not the places for contact, and random "friends" should not be dropping him home.

Your reason for stopping contact can be well documented as safety issues and your ex really has no-where to go with this.

Alcohol...the root of lots of problems if you can't deal with it responsibly and your son is able to understand this (unfortunately).

If DS really really wants to see dad perhaps he could invite him to a school event or similar so in a safe environment with him??

RandomMess · 05/02/2012 20:21

Apart from have your ex visit ds in your home I'm not sure what else to suggest?

delilahlilah · 05/02/2012 20:37

Thanks for the replies. I'm just fed up with his stupidity. I agree MrGin, that he'll be dead soon if this continues. He's had more lives than I dare to count already. All alcohol realted illness / accident. I'm sick to death of him and fed up with wasting my breath. I think I need to stop contact, until we can find a way to improve things. This will open a whole new can of worm, and a shed load of stress for DS, but it's what has to be done for his own safety. [sigh]

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