New lone parent, need advice, so scared

[Jotinks82]

Hi, I hope you girls can help me out here, I have two children, 2 and 5 months, my partner has decided to walk out on us, ive been saying I want it friendly because its been on the cards for a while, basically we both have our own homes and mortgages from before we got together (his parents live in his) hes been living here for 5 years, he has been giving me £150 a week up to now (half my bills minus half of his for his house, his mam and dad pay half his mortgage to live there, when my son was being watched by his mum while i was at work, we paid the full thing)

since then Ive got another baby and he came round to discus finances... he is proposing to give me £80 per week for the two children, when his mum comes to look after them while I go to work this will drop to £40 a week! I have my own mortgage, my own bills and these equate to £1300 a month which my wage when i go to work will cover, just. He said if I dont like his offer I can go to csa and sort my own childcare out which im thinking will cost me a lot more, i feel as though Im being blackmailed into something I can barely keep the children clothed and fed on £150 a week now never mind £40! he wants to have them on weekends so they will stay with him one night per week?

should i get legal advice? surely he has to pay half of what it costs to raise/house/clothe? I am new to this and Im so upset I just dont know where to start....

csa can take 1/3 disposable income.
look at child tax credit(these help with child care costs)
may be intitled to tax relief as well
i cant link but if you google benefit entitlement theres a self check you can do and it will tell you whats what
good luck
by the way id take legal advice
good luck
always someone around on here if need bit support emotionally too

I think you should seek legal advice and also make sure you get any child tax credit and working tax credits that you are entitled to.

So by reducing what he gives you from £80 to £40 he is basically saying he will pay £40 per week in childcare, instead of giving you that money? (provided the childcare is his mum?) Will his mum be getting thids money or will he just be saving it? Doesn't seem fair imo.

He sounds like he is trying to frighten you into agreeing. Do get advice from the csa, there is a csa calculator online so you can check what he is meant to provide. Do you get any tax credits? You need to change teh claim in to your name. When you return to work, you will be able to get up to 70% of your childcare paid. Don't panic yet, find out what you're entitled to. Don't let him frighten you into anything. Speak to a solicitor.

grrrrrrrrr I am so angry for you..what is it with these stupid fools walking out and taking their sense of responsibility and obligation with them. He's a knob trying to scare you..your better off without the silly twat! Definately see a lawyer, call csa, call hmrc, and if your on low income callyou may be entitled to a contribution to your rent/mortgage and council tax. Strength to you and your bambinos! x

i am trying to make sense of it all, csa says £86 for what he earns but i know we dont get that cos they take a cut right?? I am so upset, im inviting his mam over to talk to her independantly about what she actually wants from me I couldnt find better or more flexible childcare so i am loathe to lose her, the amount he would reduce it by would be to subsidise their living costs. but in essence paying half of half of his mortgage x

CSA don't take a cut (yet - it's been proposed but not happening yet).

On the amount you earn, you'd get tax credits that would cover 70% of any formal childcare costs, so his mum's offer is not worth all than much in pure financial terms (but may well be something you'd be wise to make the most of, like you say, if she's kind and flexible)

Speaking to his mum directly sounds like the right thing to do. If she is just doing it to try and help her son out financially then you may just have to chose whether you accept her childcare and the lower financial help (though bear in mind that you'll only actually pay out 30% of whatever formal childcare costs), or turn her down and get the full amount.

But if she's doing it because she wants to do it, or to help you out, and will do it anyway, then you can go to the CSA (or threaten to at least) unless your ex pays the right amount.

I think hes just trying to scare you into agreeing. If you do go through theCSA and they stay with him once a week then this will decrease the amount they award you. Although ofcourse it is important for them to have a relationship with him and its probably in their best interests to see him overnight.

Also they will soon be at school, what will his proposal be then as his mother will no longer need to provide childcare. It is ofcourse lovely that the children get to keep this relationship with their grandmother.

Here's the thing - he doesn't get to say what he intends to do. It will take him a while to get that into his thick head but the sooner you realise it the better. The law states quite clearly what his responsibilities are. You have to make it work for you. Coming round, telling you what he will do. To hell with that.

Mum is a separate issue to maintenance.

For two children he has to pay 20% of his net wage. 150 a week equates to 600 a month which is a tidy sum - does he earn much? I think you need to get the 20% & then negociate with his mum in respect of childcare. It may be better if you get working tax credit to get other childcare & claim 70% of this.