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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Valentine's day thanks for reminding me I'm on my own!!

17 replies

betty419419 · 04/02/2012 18:55

So valentines day is looming, the shops are full of cards and presents and its my first as a single mum to two dc. I'm finding it more and more depressing as the day approaches and probably more so since my ex is in a new relationship (I believe he was with her before we split up) and I'm gutted that he'll be showering her with gifts and not me. I also feel complete bewilderment at how I will meet anyone myself if and when decide to do that - I've tried online dating and I thought it was awful so I won't be going down that road again is there anything else I could try? Or should I accept that thus is it and just be happy on my own with kids?

OP posts:

FannyBazaar · 05/02/2012 11:01

I despise the fake romanticism of Valentines Day so I'm happy to be single this time of year. I've seen the range of valentines tat in the 99p Store and Poundland, apparently they even have a range of great perfumes (according to their in store announcement), boy am I glad I won't be getting cheap perfume and plastic red heart shaped shit!

The last Valentines Day I had in a relationship, he took me to a fish and chip restaurant and we shared a bottle of sparkling pink wine with a fish supper, it was fabulous, not a heart motif in sight nor another couple! The year after, when we'd split up but were still friends, he bought me cheese!

True romance is about being spontaneous and original and being confident enough to ignore valentines day and all its fakeness.

I'm single and happy but would also so love to meet someone special for me. No idea how that's going to happen, but it will. Sorry, but I have no idea on any easy way to find a really nice bloke.

corlan · 05/02/2012 12:36

It's grim isn't it?

Never mind,it's Easter next and we can stuff ourselves stupid with Easter eggs

JustHecate · 05/02/2012 12:39

Valentines day is a pile of shit anyway. oh, it's the 14th of february. Time to Be Romantic again. Cos the calendar says so and everyone is doing it.

The only way that could be less romantic would be if the chocs were in fact mini turds arranged nicely in a box of milk tray and delivered to you by a naked boris johnson.

ValarMorghulis · 05/02/2012 12:44

You are not alone.
i had a thread wondering about going out on VD with my DC.

I have never had a nice romantic VD. EVER!

The Dc's dad was abusive and my ex didn't "believe" in it. Which was his excuse of not bothering to think or do anything that may have required effort tbh.

It is shitty at this time of year. its everywhere, on every show in every store and even the ads. I hate it.

Last year was awful. I had just split from ex and my facebook newsfeed ws full of announcements that xx was being whisked away for a romantic surprise weekend, that yy's partner had just surprised them with something fabulous, that zzzz had been proposed to etc etc.

My newsfeed read that DS had just puked on me.

teahouse · 05/02/2012 15:30

I will be ignoring FB on Valentine's Day!

PaigeTurner · 05/02/2012 17:42

My ex got me one of those Tesco value valentine's cards - we split up three months later.

It's a load of old arse.

pennypencil · 05/02/2012 18:48

it'll get easier as the years go by - you will just be able to ignore it. You'll get other admirers anyway, in due course

MyLittleMiracle · 05/02/2012 18:56

Valentines day is a waste of money! Someone (i was 15 at the time) said to me when i said me and ex had split (mid jan) what did you do that for? My answer, cos of xxxx, her answer, but didnt you realise its valentines day in x number of days?? YES BUT I DONT WANT PRESENTS! The nicest valentines day i have had was being single and spending it with my single best friend aged 13; Shame we lost contact,

delilahlilah · 05/02/2012 19:12

I understand a lot of what you are going through. I went through a very similar experience. I KNOW he was seeing her before I left him though. Looking back, I am glad as she discovered what he was really like in the end. Anyway, Valentine's is what you make it. My friend and her daughter give each other a little gift to cheer themselves up - chocs / flowers whatever they fancy. Other people ignore it.

wrt the dating thing, for now I would forget about it. When you have time to yourself, get out with friends, meet new people and enjoy yourself. That's what I did. I had a ball! Within months I felt happier, confident and knew I could do it all by myself I didn't 'need' anyone. About a year down the line I met someone and dated him for a few weeks, decided it was less fun and finished it! The next weekend I went out, ran in to someone I knew from school, and that was that, we're getting married in a few weeks. We've been together 7 years. The point I'm trying to make is, don't worry about any of that. Be happy, enjoy yourself and time with your children and remember he's ex for a reason. You will meet the right person, you don't always have to go out of your way to do so. HTH

Lucy88 · 09/02/2012 22:17

Why do people get so hung up on Valentines day?

Its just another day - nothing special - don't make such a big deal of it.

toptramp · 09/02/2012 22:50

If it's any consolation I was in a new relationship this time last year. I made an efforyt for Valentine's day and baked a lovely red velvet cake and gave him a card. He did Jack shit for me.
Nor did he buy me a birthday card. That wasn'twhy I finished it but too much expectation is put on valentin'e day. i kind of know what you mean though.

happyatlast · 11/02/2012 10:34

Last year my ex, who I basically looked after, bought me a cheap valentines day card which i probably paid for anyway. I dont mind being single on valentines day, it is a load of shit but i agree with the facebook thing, its not nice to read all these couples saying what lovely gifts/surprises they have had, when possibly the most interesting thing i will do this valentines day is go to work.

sillymillyb · 11/02/2012 21:55

I know exactly what you mean op. I usually hate valentines day and have never really celebrated it, but after discovering the ex was cheating last year I feel really self consciously crap that Im not doing anything this year. Im 8 months pregnant so hormonal anyway, but Im hoping to just hibernate and have it pass me by..... oh, and Im turning facebook off too!

AmIthatbad · 12/02/2012 05:03

OP, just try to ignore it. It will soon pass. Got me thinking about the last few years, and the tears I wasted. The reasoning of friends fall on deaf ears. But just try to focus on the day after, and it will seem less upsetting.

I do this for valentines, mothers day, birthday, christmas. And I am still here and going strong Would you really be grateful for a flower and a cheap card?

dontellimpike · 12/02/2012 05:24

Oh OP, please don't worry. Valentine's is just another hyped up pretend festival to make card makers and restaurants rich. Nothing to do with love. Presents given on Valentine's Day are often given from a sense of obligation and are therefore the opposite of romantic.

It is only one day! Have some fun with your dc.

Malemum · 12/02/2012 10:18

From an outsider, and a newbie to the site I have to agree with the hyped up media frenzy in ref to the day itself, People, Business and anyone else who can will make every effort to make money from the Commercialised time of year.

No different to Easter & the other special times of the year

Annabobanna · 13/02/2012 12:02

Hi all - I'm also new to the site, joined up to see if any other single mums were feeling a bit down about V-day this year too (as a fairly new single parent, I'm dreading it). Glad to see I'm not the only one!

Not sure if this is allowed (still reading through MN's rules) but came across this article on the internet, which had some nice ideas to make the day a bit less about having a partner and more about loving your family and who you are - thought I'd share: gingerbread.org.uk/content/777/Your-big-fat-Alternative-Valentine%E2%80%99s-Day!

Hope everyone gets through it ok!

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