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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

difficult questions...

6 replies

AkrBaker · 03/02/2012 14:43

Hey I've never posted on here before.. but I'm having real trouble answering my daughters questions about her dad. I was 14 when I got pregnant with her, and he never wanted me to keep her (first suggesting abortion, then adoption...), but since then he's been in and out of her life roughly seeing her about every year or so.. but only because I took her to see him, he never made the effort. My little girl also had cancer when she was a toddler, and her dad insisted on him and his new girlfriend being involved, and after seeing her twice he stood her up at her first MRI.. that's the last time we saw him, because I went straight to my solicitors to arrange regular meetings officially for my daughter... and he ignored my solicitors letters. In the last 6 months, I've moved out of my families house for the first time and my daughter has started school. This week she started asking a lot of questions about her dad, and I really don't know how to answer them.. but she definately deserves answers. she has asked 'who is he?' 'where does he live?' and the worst... 'why doesn't he come to Cardiff to see me?' :(.. any advice would be appreciated :).

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 03/02/2012 14:58

advice is usually to answer the quesitons honestly - and if your honest answer is "i dont know" then say that.

because you "dont know" why he doesnt want to see her - only he can answer that.

Kendodd · 03/02/2012 15:09

I hope your DD is all better now. What a lot for you to cope with, and you must only be young yourself.

I have never been in a situation like this but I think the poster above is right, just give her honest answers, at a level she can understand. Maybe somebody wiser will come along in a bit. Good luck.

AkrBaker · 03/02/2012 19:01

Thanks for your replies, I want to answer her honestly... but actually there is not one nice thing to say about him... and I don't want her to feel bad because of that, and she's still so young... and yes she's getting better now - thank god! :).. is it a good idea to answer her completely honestly? because she asked if he can come and see her.. and I said he doesn't really want to, which is the nicest way I could think of putting the truth.. but I don't think that was a nice thing to say to her. :S

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sasslejaney84 · 03/02/2012 19:22

The best thing to do is explain honestly, I did this when my DD asked questions about her dad (wandered off when she was 3 month old n now sees her for 5 hours every other week) she asked similar questions and I answered her as honestly as I could!

If you don't know the answer say to her "I cannot answer that honestly honey, as I don't know the answer,"

sasslejaney84 · 03/02/2012 19:23

Also, when she is old enough, explain about the solicitors!

AkrBaker · 04/02/2012 21:53

thank you so much for your advice... i feel more confident with talking to her about this :)

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