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help unreliable father

4 replies

gembeano82 · 30/01/2012 16:13

hi i really need a bit of advice, my childrens father is insistent that he wants to be a part of their lives but is constantly letting them down by not showing up.
i just dont know what to do anymore.

OP posts:
PinkCarBlueCar · 30/01/2012 16:20

You haven't given much to go on, really.

How old are your DCs? Has this been going on for long? Is there a court order? What is actually going on - does he give an excuse for his no-shows / ask for different days instead?

And most importantly, what do you want to have happen?

gembeano82 · 30/01/2012 16:28

we have a son aged 3 and a daughter aged 5. weve been split for 3 years now and this problem has been going on for as long as we've been apart.
he has them for one day a week usually a sunday, but is frequently not showing up and giving me reasons such as having been arrested the night before and having no way of contacting me. or sometimes he simply claims his alarm didnt go off.
there is no court order i am happy for him to see his children as much as he wants but i am tired of being messed around and listening to him make promises to our children that he cannot keep.

OP posts:
PinkCarBlueCar · 30/01/2012 16:52

I'd say a court order is pointless in your circumstances - as my barrister said to me, there's no court order to make the NRP become a decent parent or even a reasonable human being, and certainly nothing to make them have contact.

I think perhaps your best way forward to to say (by text, email and / or letter) something along the lines of:

This is what we'll be doing between 9 and 11am on Sundays: (eg swimming / soft play / library / at home). If you'd like to see the kids and have them until X pm (maybe 4 or 5?), then come find us there / to my house.

If I don't hear from you by 11am, then I'll assume you won't be seeing them that Sunday, and we'll get on with our day.

If I have particular plans that mean you won't be able to see the DCs, then I'll give you at least four days warning of those plans.

How does that sound? I'm trying to suggest some way that you don't have to get yourself and the DCs geared up to see him, then get let down by him, but that still allows flexibility so that he can come and get them to have time with them without it being at your (in)convenience.

theredhen · 31/01/2012 12:38

You can't make him be reasonable, unfortunately. It must be really upsetting for your little ones. Can you not tell them when ex is supposed to be coming so that way, they aren't disappointed if he doesn't show up.

I think the suggestion by pinkcarbluecar is a good one.

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