If you have children with your ex, what contact details do you have for him/her?

[mummytowillow]

I originally put this in Chat, only got one response, so probably in wrong place?

My ex rents his own flat, he has a girlfriend and I know they wanted to move in together? If my daughter (4) wants to speak to him I phone his flat (he has so far been OK with this and he phones her frequently), however for the last week or so the number has been unobtainable?

I've asked him why and he said he doesn't know and is going to get rid of it and will only be contactable by mobile. Problem is he doesn't answer it if he is with her, and switches it off in the evening?

I'm then left with a distressed little girl, and I can't explain to her why her daddy doesn't answer?

I suspect they have moved in together in a different place and he/she doesn't want me to have the number.

Our relationship hasn't been great for the last year, however, I only phone him if DD wants to speak to him. He is due to have her during the school holidays, surely I should have the address and phone number if she is going to stay with him?

So that's my question, do you have full details ie address and landline phone number of your ex? And can I insist on having it if DD goes to stay with them?

I think you must insist that you have his contact details for when your daughter stays with him. That is non-negotiable. What if you get taken ill and have to be admitted to hospital? What if he doesn't bring her back on time and you haven't got a clue where she is? ( I know these are extreme examples!)

The not picking up his phone in the evenings to speak to his daughter is his own choice though. Nothing much you can do about that except tell your daughter that you tried, but Daddy's not answering. From my own experience, she will lose interest in phoning him pretty quickly.

I have ex's mobile number, not sure if this is just one used for contacting us though as it is usually not answered when DS calls. I encourage DS to call ex whenever he wants to, although must ask if he can use my phone. Not sure if he has a landline number. I have explained to DS that he can leave a message if ex doesn't answer and never lead him to expect that the phone will be answered. If he does ask why Daddy never answers, I tell him that he has to ask Daddy next time he sees him because I do not know and we can only assume that he is busy.

I don't know ex's current address, well can't remember the flat number but do know which block. He refused to tell me when living with his previous partner but I looked up electoral roll.

I have his address, landline number, mobile number and e-mail.
If I text or e-mail he replies in line with the urgency of the request.
If I ring he either answers, or rings back asap.

In nearly 4 years I can probably count on one hand the number of times the boys have phoned the parent they aren't with "just for a chat" other than when they are with the other parent for a longer time than normal (holidays etc).

Ex didn't want me to know his address when moved in with gf always saw ds at mil and I dropped him off so he said didnt need to know address. Only told me at Christmas(2010) because he wanted ds dropping off at his flat.
He moved again recently and only told me after he'd moved, think if he could he'd never tell me where he lives, but as he refuses to pick up ds he has to tell me so I can drop ds off.

we just have email address/home address and work phone numbers. He isnt allowed my mobile number due to harassment and i havent got it as his new gf wont let him tell me. However ex mil is always at contact and i have her number and vice versa so if there was an emergency then we can get hold of each other.

I've always had phone number, address, email and mobile of my ex. He doesn't always answer the landline or mobile - but a text gets through.

I don't think it's at all reasonable for him to not tell you where he's living and expect to have contact with your DD.

Can you tell him that you're OK about him living with the girlfriend, but you need him to be upfront with you about where he's going to be with her? You're going to find out soon enough anyway via your DD whether or not he's living with the girlfriend.

In terms of being able to contact him when DD is with you - I think you ought to be able to push him to give you some contact details for the purposes of a) arranging pick-ups/drop offs and b) emergency contact at other times - ask him if he'd want you to contact him if she was ill/injured or something. Fair enough if he wants to use the mobile for this and not the landline, though he should make sure it's switched on obviously!

But if it's your daughter wanting to phone for a chat, it's a bit more of his choice really. If he's taking the attitude that his time without her is his own, and he doesn't want to speak to you or her that's rather sad, but I think at the end of the day there's not a lot you can do about it. Try to discourage her from ringing him and when she's older she can raise the issue herself if she wants.

I have Ex's mobile number but that is pretty much it!

I would find it hard in your sitution - that is difficult

He never phones to speak to DS and DS never asks to speak to him so I rarely call him. His contact with DS is sporadic - perhaps every four - six weeks. He will call my mobile and announce his arrival.

I do worry that I should have his address etc.

I have his home address, workplace address, mobile, landline, email and keys for his front door :)

However, if he dropped dead tomorrow I'd be mightily relieved.

Same as pie. He also has keys to mine, but we are both respectful of each others space

Could you ask him to agree to a weekly day/time for a chat? There's lots of times I don't answer my mobile, doesn't mean I'm avoiding calls or whatever, just busy or out. Then DD isn't disappointed and he doesn't feel pestered.

Is he likely to be difficult about you knowing the address, given that he hasn't been worried you having the previous one? I'd just ask in passing if he had moved as a start...my ex often didn't have a landline when we first split -a mobile and an address would be fine with me, not sure you could insist on a landline.