Quick CSA question ....answers on a postcard please :))

[oliviasmama]

The only way to offend my "orrid" xp is to take money from him so he's out to do something about it!

I have been receiving maintenance from him through the CSA since Feb 2010, £500 per month towards the upbringing of our dd 4yo. He has her overnight every other weekend for one night, (well actually they stay at his sisters house with her family), he collects her at 10am saturday morning and I collect her from his house on Sunday at 4pm. Periodically he misses his weekends due to working in Europe. When he ponders his payments which he often does, as he loathes the fact that he has to pay the "big fat ugly c**t of a parasite" I often get a text in which he tells me to "fuck off and die, forget it, I'm not having dd this weekend". You get the general idea! :))

Anyway, yesterday was another day of working out how he could pay less.....as he has had the week off work and cannot find anything other than this to occupy him.

So 3 text messages and 4 abusive phone calls later (very brief, him screaming at me, me hanging up), he is "sueing me" for ...well actually I'm not sure what for and he wants dd every other weekend for both the Friday and Saturday night as he understands that that will lower his monthy maintenance payment to us.

I am all for him maintaining regular contact with dd, she loves him and he her. She regularly (virtually every time) says she loves daddy, she wants to go to play but "can you come and get me mummy, I dont want a sleep over at Daddys house". She tells me that she asked him if she could come home and he said no. . He regularly agrees for me to collect her early on the Sunday though, he has enough of her quite easily or she wants to come home.

Anyway my question is how much would my payments reduce by if he insisted he wanted dd to stay 2 nights every other weekend instead of the current 1.

In the great scheme of things the priority is to maintain the relationship between dd and her Daddy so it's fine and I am happy to support the suggestion but I wish it was due to him genuinely wanting her for longer rather than a way to reduce his payments to us.

Oooops, wasnt really a quick question was it?? !!

Well he sounds like a bit of a cunt doesn't he - poor old you (and dd for that matter)

Look if she would not be delighted to go then keep it as is. As long as you do not deny contact then let him take you to court for more time nut I can assure you the courts see this all the time. My Ex tried this - he saw the dd for every other weekend (when he felt like it but would always miss some and never make them up iykwim) and before we went into the hearing we had an interview with the CAFCASS person there - he asked if he could see them less than every other weekend actually but wanted shared residence and the CAFCASS Officer immediately asked him if he was trying to reduce his maintenance liability.

You need to keep a diary of the contact and of the horrible calls and texts and do save them on your phone because he sounds like such a tool you are likely to need to prove all this. I would seek some legal advice too.

Do you actually have contact arrangements written down now? or is it informal - I do know as long as regular contact is taking place the courts will favour leaving it as it is. But I would call his bluff and tell him to take you to court for extra time if he wants. Like you said, shame it isn't about seeing his DD.

thanks Brandy, yep he's everything you assume.

I went to a solicitor last year after numerous threats, abusive behaviour etc etc, the outcome of which culminated in my solicitor writing to him suggesting that he had regular contact with dd ie every other weekend over night and any pre arranged week days after nursery for tea, stipulating that she had to be home at 7 for her bed time. He agreed but obviously is loathed to pay out every month hence the constant abuse and this new suggestion of dd spending more nights with him.

I've kept all the crap he threatens with me with, all the text messages and also involved the police one night last year when he would not leave my house, smashed my laptop up, screaming and shouting ....all infront of my little girl.

The last thing I said to him, in a very controlled manner was to stop threatening me, stop calling me and do as you wish.

The story continues.....

Grim isnt it!

IIRC up to 104 nights a year doesn't affect maintenance, I could be wrong but there used to be a calculator on the CSA website if you want to look there?

The CSA website is defunct, the child support calculator is now on the CM Options website. It might also be worth checking out the new gross income scheme to be introduced this year as you might be marginally better off then, although current CSA cases aren't due to be transferred for another year or so.

Do you keep a contact diary? Child support is calculated on the average number nights, including holidays, the child actually stays with a parent over a year.

thanks everyone, yes I keep a diary for reference.

If he's harrassing you by text then tell the police. My XP was cautioned and fined for it. I'm zero tolerance on domestic abuse.

What is best for your DD at this point?

The money is insignificant IMO, if your DD is with you, you get the money, if she isn't - you don't. But then if she isn't with you then you don't need it so it cancels out - yes?

In aswer to your question, you can check out exactly what the difference is on the CSA calculator online - unless he's loaded the difference probly isn't worth arguing over and it could end up a whole lot uglier if he takes this to court and gets 50/50.

But yes, the abuse is terrible and you need to report it to the police and take the necessary steps to protect yourself from that.

The money, the abuse and the contact time are 3 seperate issues.

Hi....all I know is in my circumstance my xp has ds everyother weekend which is 104 nights a year, and he pays me £25 a week...if he has him less than the 104 then he would pay £30 a week!!!

As I said ranting I am in full support of dd maintaining regular contact with her father but have to disagree with you when you say the money is insignificant, it is what it is intended to be, a contribution towards dd's lifestyle and upbringing. I do not want a penny more than I am entitled to, I am merely asking a question.

thanks dee

You're welcome

I might be wrong but doesn't overnight contact have to at the nrp place of residence to count for reduced money under CSA rules? Or it might be under the new scheme about to come in? it might not help you in any case of course particularly if you feel your daughter is better at his sisters than in his house.

will check on that awing, thanks.