Sigh.

[thepeoplesprincess]

Just been on the phone to the ex and he mentioned that he's just come back from taking his girlfriend on holiday for a week. When I heard this I suggested that if he had the money to do that, then it would be reasonable for him to contribute something towards DD1's school trip this term (costing a whole eight pounds).

He then ranted and raved at me because apparently he shouldn't have to pay anything towards the children's upkeep as that's what my benefits are for and I'm bang out of order for even asking.

Sigh indeed.

Oh, and he's now just texted me to say that he thinks I'm only doing it* because I'm jealous of his girlfriend (!)

*by this, I'm assuming he means my heinous crime of asking for a few quid for DD's school trip.

Sorry he's not contributing. Does he pay any child support? I remember my ex thinking that because I received child benefit, he shouldn't have to pay any child support. I now have it collected by the CSA to save me having to ask him.

Hmm, for me there's a few issues here.

First, if your Ex is paying nothing towards the children's upkeep then there's a problem where the farther is disengaged from the financial responsiblity of rasing the child which is a bad thing. Unless you've agreed that specific circumstances means that your Ex is providing for the child in another capacity on which you've both agreed is more benifical than providing money. Hey I dunno it could happen?!?!

Second, if you have agreed on how your Ex is providing for your child it's not fair to accuse each other of not doing enough, imagine if you were to save to buy yourself something and your Ex was accusing you of spending money which could/should be spent on the child on yourself, it's bound to antagonise each other. Hence, maintenance needs sorting out properly, where both of you know where you stand with you finances, you both need to get it sorted.

Finally, school trips are optional, therefore if you don't have the money/can't afford such optional extras then you need to decide together if your child is going and therefore it seems correct that you should pay together. Therefore when it comes to skying trips for hundreds of pounds you can decide that if together you can't afford it then you can't afford it. This may mean that there's ill feelings as each of you may feel that the other can afford to contribute and it's only the child that's missing out but at least it keeps things on business like. And hence if you can't agree then you can tell your children just that, and nobody is seen as the bad guy, and nobody needs to know about each others finances.

Trust me things don't always sort themselves out that easly but try and keep everything on a business like agreement as much as you possilby can.

If you count him outright refusing to give me any money at all ever for anything, and me not being to do a thing about it, then yeah we've reached an agreement.

But otherwise no.

I can afford the trip anyway, I just thought I'd ask him on the offchance he felt ready to behave like a semi-human being.

Err the CSA ... be-jebus I've just looked for the CSA website ... it's gone / merged with Department of Work and Pensions ... just a few web pages with phone numbers on, when did this happen?!?

Real men support their children without hesitation.

hear hear MrGin!

CSA is now CMEC - the website is here www.childmaintenance.org/

What fecking planet are some of them on? DS1's Dad said he didn't have to pay any maintenance because I got Child Benefit..... cretin.

I had the same thing with my ex - didn't think he should pay me anything and when I asked for a regular amount every month for our two dc he DEMANDED a list of everything I was buying for kids and he also stated he wouldn't pay for me (fair enough) so after not being able to agree and him refusing the amount I'd suggested (he told me to fuck off) I had no other choice but to use the csa. So fast forward 8 months of non compliance on his part (not replying to csa requests for wage info and ignoring their calls) I have just received a schedule of payments and he has to pay double the amount I suggested and although I've yet to receive the money im glad I'm going through them - I can imagine he would have "forgot" to pay me or decide he couldn't afford it etc. This way at least the csa deal with him and he can't mess them about x