Feeling lonely

[jay2308gal]

I am about to become a single mum, just still living with baby's dad until i manage to get a place sorted. I know this may sound selfish coz i have the most adorable, beautiful little boy, and I put everything into him, but i really am missing and longing for male company. My partner was cheating on me, which I discovered 9months ago when our little boy was only 5 weeks old. And he was distant with me and barely help or support me with baby duties, let alone put in quality couple time, all his time and energy went into her it would seem. I just want to feel loved again and have regular sex, companionship affection, etc. But at the same time i can't bear the thought of going dating, going on the lookout, or would even find the time to do so! Call me ridiculous, but i have had a string of bad luck with men and thought I had finally struck gold with this 1 when meeting him 2 years ago, so we were delighted when we had the surprise of me falling pregnant. However on baby's birth it all went downhill, and i know he still has this girl on the go and has had her over when i visit my family(they don't live locally) even tho he claims it is really a friendship thing and doesn't see her as a long term thing! I just feel i may as well have been a single parent all along the support i have had, so living on my own with our baby won't be much different, far better than living with a secretive liar. Things only came to a head 3 months ago when i discovered he had taken her abroad for a weekend, the 2nd hol he had had in 3 months( i have not had 1 btw!) his first hol was with another lad, but i later discovered her and her mates had gone to the same place.although deep down i still love him, and no matter how much we discussed how he also wanted us to work, he never made any effort, only wanted me out of his sight so to speak. Part of me knows i deserve better and am worth more.

Anyway, sorry to waffle, its just nice to offload, i feel too embarressef to tell my friends, a) incase we ever did make a go and he mended his ways, and b) i feel a failure to my son in some ways. I have been so devastated that all this has happened i have never felt so low. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I really would love to have more children and marry one day, but i get sad at the thought it may not happen. ( although am only mid 20's)

What a git :(

The sooner you get away the better in my opinion! Living with him whilst he carries on is just giving him permission to tread all over you whilst not committing to the OW. Typical have your cake and eat it thing.

I understand you are lonely, when you are away from him you will start to feel better not having his infidelity rubbed in your face just by having to look at him every day. I sobbed the first night I was alone, by the 5th night it sank in what had happened and the relief was overwhelming. I can still remember the feeling laying in bed as I realised finally I was free of his mind games,the OW lies and feeling it wash over me as I relaxed.

It took a lot longer to adjust to being just me and the children only because they missed him so much. Im still single (had a few relationships tho) and am very happy that way currently. Miss sex like mad, would kill for a cuddle but life is good you will get there, be strong

Hi, thanks for your message. I suppose i should count myself lucky my
Son is too young to understand. In away im
Glad it happened now rather than years down the line when we had more kids and were even married.

Hopefully it will be, I just don't ask him
Anything about her, less painful i accept he is still seein her although he hasn't said i just know( found a keyring with her picture on in his gym bag the other day, of course I hit the roof!) and today he said he was going to the gym and i find a train ticket in the bin which was to the area her college is in, i didn't even bother confronting him on that one.even now he is still lying and is useless at covering his tracks. It's just so sad and upsetting to think he puts all this effort, time and energy into hiding stuff from me, lying, sneaking off and being secretive rather than with his son. If he did, he'd be the best dad in the world i'm sure! Lol

Yup thats enough to depress the happiest person! How long do you think you will be getting your own place?

lucky escape I would say, before you had settled with him....

it is always very hart to see the light at the end of the tunnel and no mater how much we tell you that things are going to be OK, they will be only if you can look at your situation from a different angle

we ca noffer you this angle - but the work has to start from within

it is hard to disassociate yourself from your ex if everything is very fresh and you are under the same roof

I think the safest option is to know that it is normal to feel the way you do, to grieve the relationship you've had and feel hurt
is OK to cry and scream, and then to feel better for it :)

have you done that lately? allowing yourself to grieve?