XH's birthday today. Feeling crap

[sillywmama]

Not much else to say. Found out about the OW last week, we were meant to be going to Relate tonight to sort things out. He's gone.

I had booked a six week toddlers and dads football course for him as a gift from DS that he won't be able to use now, as we're staying with family too far away.

I feel so sad and stupid that I have been trying so hard for so long to keep our little family together and doing lovely things when all the while he's been with OW and doesn't give a crap.

Can't help feeling bereft that instead of sorting things out with me tonight, he'll be getting a shag/night on the tiles/whatever else he might fancy with her.

I feel so alone :(

It is horrible when you feel like you've been wasting your time and wasting your emotions. Apart from the sense of betrayal, you feel such a fool. And yes, the temptation is to think that they are now whooping it up, having a gay old time and laughing about you behind your back. But that's just your pride dented. It's going to hurt for a long time, unfortunately, but there will come a point where you stop turning it in on yourself, stop feeling bereft and start to get angry.... that's when the fog clears, you realise what a wanker he really is and you wonder what posessed you to give him a second chance. Not yet, though.

What to do... Try to get a refund for the course. Fill your days with activities. Get together with a friend and sob it out over a bottle of wine. Ignore any texts and phone-calls because he'll only try to soft-soap you and pretend he cares to ease his conscience. Repeat until you start feeling angry. Then get a really good lawyer. Good luck

Sweetie, it's a horrid place to be right now, but Cogito is so right you have to give yourself time to get thorugh the intial crap stuff then take a deep breath and move on.

If you have any joint finances with the Ex make sure you get out what you can now before he splurges it on him and the tart.

Make sure the kids have good shoes and a coat and your credit card is clear as a priority, preferably with his money.

Be kind to yourself.

Use MN,particularly the LP forum as it is a font of all knowledge & support

I just checked our joint account. So much for sorting out me and the kids, there is precisely £71 left of an £1800 overdraft in there. We have nothing at all. I have no idea where all the money has gone.

I am actually too numb right now to care.

Be strong Mummy. These first few months are the worst...time will heal and look after you and your dcs. What a irresponsible pr**k for emptying joint account. Thinking of you x

You may want to tell your bank the situation, ask them to put a block on that account so that he can't use it any more and ask them for a statement so you can challenge him to return the money. While you're at it, do you have a personal bank account? If he's playing dirty, you need to switch any regular income/benefit/tax credit payments into your personal account so that he can't get his hands on them

I know you say you're numb but it's actually things like this that, if you can find the energy to start making a few phone-calls, will give you something constructive to focus on. If you're staying with family, get them to help.

Grrrrr I bet he's living the high life with his tart on that money.

Time to start rolling up your sleeves OP.