Phew, this turned into a bit of a long rant. Plus I'm a recent namechanger, so please don't out me if you recognise anything.
I have a bit of a complicated situation. Separated from DD's dad over a year ago, he sees her frequently, never overnight at my insistence (medication makes him extremely sleepy + no room at his). Until recently, I basically never went out in the evening (since DD's birth that is). Don't have tons of friends or money, and was quite happy to snuggle up with DD/read/clean etc.
But in the last few months, I have been invited to more things. I think it's partly that accepting some invitations leads to more invitations because people see that I am interested/can make it. I have really enjoyed going out more. DD's dad usually looks after her at my house, gives her dinner, bath and puts her to bed. I have always come home before 10.30 at the latest, give him plenty of notice, try to show him I know it's an imposition to make him stay awake and at my house.
After an incident in December (gave him my only house key, he fell asleep, didn't hear me knocking on the door, had to call police, he finally woke after half an hour of knocking/banging/shouting/ringing phone) he is suddenly a lot more arsey about me going out. On this occasion I was home 30mins later than I had agreed with him (still only 10pm), so now he keeps making comments about how he wants to know the exact time I'll be back, how I mustn't be late again and generally nasty digs. I know it wasn't great to be late without letting him know, but his comments have taken on quite a controlling nature.
Ideally I would just not ask him to babysit anymore to eliminate all these issues and the control/power stuff, and also because the falling asleep worries me. But the problem is that I can't really ask anyone else. I have one close friend who has babysat a couple of times, but recently I have been distancing myself from her, and I don't want to keep asking her for favours because she'd never ask me for one so I could never repay her iyswim.
Another problem is that DD takes AGES to go to sleep, and goes to sleep quite late, so the babysitter needs to be someone who she knows well and who would be willing to do the whole bath/bedtime/cuddles routine. The only person who can do that is her dad. There is no one else.
So what should I do? I have been invited to a regular get-together kind of thing with a nice group of people, and am quite keen to keep going. Will I just have to forget about it and give up my social life for the time being? Is this really how being a single parent with no family nearby works?