How do you cope?

[namechangerbat]

Violent ex

Court order states contact doesn't stipulate times etc. says must be reasonable and agreed between parties.

How do you cope with the never ending shit?

ExP pays no maintenance.
Never asks how DD is.
Never asks about school, forgets things, is late, is pretentious and demand HIS rights as a father though. Sends me long arduous and threatening emails telling me that unless I give him what he wants (more hours, holidays, sleep overs) then he will take me back to court. Suggests I clear time in my diary to have mediation (which I can't afford to do)

He picks and chooses when he sees dd. then emotionally bullies me and her, making her blame me that she can't stay longer when it was him that decided times!!

How do I cope? I'm so fed up of the battle?

He sends me in appropriate texts about my partner and is full on when I tell him I'm not interested he begins to be bully again.

get a solicitor and tell him to communicate via solicitor for contact (if you can afford it). Anyway you can get set times/dates that he sees dd...what a pain in backside all this! Change email address...or better still get new email address and keep those abusive emails for court! Defo get texts logged...solicitor...police...

I do feel for you I have had it for 7 years and it may continue until ds 18yrs

There is a Womans Roghts group that give advice too.

My experience it is only the law they take orders from....so everything has to be done legally which takes time/money...I've wasted thousands fighting ex:(

He picks and chooses what he wants - then berates me that it's not enough. I got a text saying he wants dd between x and y then phones me when he has dd at 5 to y with her sobbing saying its all my fault she can't stay longer and then he says "well mummy decides"

Womens Aid / CAB.

Seriously, don't tolerate it any more.

Log everything. Tell the police if he harrasses you by phone or text. They cautioned and fined my XP for just one days worth of nasty texts. He no longer sees them.

It's just the emotional black mail and the tone of his email which he cc'd in his solicitor - saying he thinks it's perfectly reasonable to have X Y and the whole of Z when in reality, it doesn't work like that and he doesn't do any of the other stuff to deserve it.

wow your police area is fab Meglet! It shows each force takes a different stance on it as with a lot more than attacks police would not even talk to ex!

I don't feel I am best person to give advise as going through stuff and heads gone too but I understand what you are saying namechanger

wish I could press a button to delete my ex doing all antics over the years ...if it was that easy!

All I know is you need to keep/log it all for court further down the line! WA might help you as Meg said? They know a lot and can give you ideas on what to do.

Why not let her stay longer? Spending thousands on court battles with the result that a child doesn't see their parent isn't a good result. Go to the CSA & get him to pay maintenance, even a fiver a week is better than bothing but that's a separate issue to contact.

She does see him. I'm not comfortable extending contact as I have real issues regarding her welfare.

Red I spent thousands trying to get ex to see ds more than twice a year and maintenance ( he lives abroad so I didn't get free CSA) OP if allowed dd to stay longer...would your ex reduce contact? All about ex controlling you me thinks not dd. Thats why having contact or even dates in place so dd knows where she is and not upset with constant cancellation/lateness etc...let him take you to court and present the evidence of his cocky arrogant behaviour and I am sure the courts will 'decide' when ex sees dd and not him pulling the strings all the time. Unless you are worried he will get 50/50 access? But I bet he will want to reduce that after 2 visits!
Your ex is spending more time bullying you than with dd...clear sign!