Ok slight back history:
DS age 5 and DS age 3. Married to their dad in 2005, he walked out 2009. Cited that couldnt cope with kids etc, but has since managed to rewrite history in his head that I was the problem etc. He got with current girlfriend in summer 2010, they moved intogether quickly and they are having a baby with lots of health problems in Feb. He pays bare minimum CM, which his girlfirned keeps arguing is too much. We arent yet divorced because neither of us can really afford it, yet shes pushing for it heavily. They live in a 1 bed flat, and my boys stay once a week overnight on a double pull out sofa bed.
Basically I spoke to my ex inlaws today. They have been trying to get me on my own for weeks apparently, but the ex/girlfriend kept getting in the way (they told me not to come there boxing day, have made out for over a year that I am not welcome anywhere with the inlaws)
They told me that she basically hates my children. She slags them off all the time. She has pushed all their toys and belongings out of the flat, either binning it or sending it back here. She is extremely controlling and jealous - the ex is never allowed anywhere without her. (I knew this about being in my company as she blew a fuse when he came to my house alone after my eldest had an op) But she is like this with his family too. She has told him she expects him to give up work when the baby comes, basically so they dont have to pay any child maintenance to me.
She begrudges the children going there. Moaned about having to leave her parents at 5.30pm on Christmas Day so they could see the boys. Is currently moaning that eldest son at 5 still needs to be in a high backed booster seat, as they will struggle to fit 3 children in the car. Is making lots of noise about no overnights, and basically very little contact.
The inlaws caught me today and my initial thought was that they wanted to have a go at me - I have been led to believe for months that they hate me. But instead they told me they still think of me as their daughter in law, always will and are sickened by him trying to shirt his responsibilities. They want to see the children as much as possible, to help pay for things that he wont like school shoes and school trips and want me to be in their life as much as possible. I was in tears, they were so nice to me. I am also devastated at the things they told me about my ex's girlfriend and the way she speaks about the children.
The kids have just spent 3 nights there as part of the custody arrangements - they are meant to go 1 night a week, and an extended 3 night stay twice a year. But they were upset every night on the phone wanting to come home to me, and it broke my heart. The ex and girlfriend played happily families, throwing money at them, but they must have felt something was off. Someone said something to the ex a few weeks back about her - and he said "the kids love her", to which they replied "shame its not both ways" and he shrugged it off. I dont expect her to love my children, but equally I dont expect her to push them out. She has basically eroded every inch of them out of the flat - they gave their dad a photo of them both last christmas in a frame. First the frame was taken for somehting else, now the photo I think has gone.
I arranged a long time ago for them to have the boys next Friday night because of a big reunion I am going to. But she booked something for the saturday morning and demanded he go to - so want to drop the kids off at 8.30am. My inlaws have said they will have the boys instead - even though they tried to prevent this. I just feel gutted that he seems to want so little to do with his current kids. They have spent 3 nights and 4 days with them and not once did they spend any time alone with their dad. Not even for a walk to the shop. She looks up things like CSA money on the internet to argue about the pittance he pays.
I dont know what to do with all this. Apparently the ex's dad wants to thump him and hates what he is doing. They all hate her. Its such a situation that I dont know what to do with all this. I am in tears, my head is spinning.
I know things will change when the baby comes next month anyway (well, to an extent. She is very sick, and strong possibility she will die or be in hospital long term) She has alienated the ex from all his friends and family basically. And now she seems to want to erode the rest of his past. And I cant deal with the fact that this is my kids. I can tell when she is there when he rings to speak to me/the kids - he speaks to me like utter shit, where as when she isnt there he is just a chatty friendly person.
I am humbled by my inlaws. I am devastated that we were both spun stories making out that we were hated by each other and unwelcome. I am glad they are going to step in to help me with the boys, but dont know how to deal with all this. My sister in law and brother in law were there too and said the same story and offered the same support.
Sorry, epic post and not sure what to really make of it all myself. (have namechanged as its a bit detailed)