how do i move on i think about him constantly

[tashies]

hi

ive previously written in my ex relationship ended 4 months ago now. we were together 2 years we have an 18 month old son my ex was a drug addict he was abusive to me he cheated on me ( i caught him out) and this is when our relationship broke down. he worked away interstate (NSW) on a roster of 4 weeks on 1 week of to work for his family he even has a tatto on his stomach (all for my family) while working away is when he cheated. on one of his weeks back after i had caught him out he refused to give our son back to me so police were involved i got him back. i am currently going through mediation well he has one more time to contact them to start the process. he has seen his son once in 3 months i will not let him have him out of my care until something is legalised but he is refusing to come see him when im there ( he can come see him anytime). i ring him twice a week for him to speak to our son or just hear him babble on in baby language he is now living back in south australia (which is where im from). after him cheating on me i was willing to give him antoher chance but found out he had a gf 2 months after we broke up she is from (NSW) she just come over to south australia to meet his family and is apparently moving here i am devostated i went through hell with this guy battling to get him straight the emotional physicall abuse mental abuse he put me through (and all of his exes) through i feel so hurt hes moved on chooses when he wants to speak to or see his son and his family have welcomed her i think shuldnt they be warning her what hes like!!! i no im better of without him and at first it was so hard but its gotten easier. but its been 4 months and im extreemly jealous still of this girl will he be abusive to her to? i still feel like i love him most of the time or is it i was in love of the thought of having a family? i want to move on but am having trouble working out how please help!!!!!

4 months isnt a lot of time. You've got a lot to deal with still so just take it one day at a time. Let it hurt, let it get you angry adn use it to make the first step in a new direction in your life.

I dont know when this will happen for you, but for now you just have to plod along for a little while. As I said, 4 months is nothing, just hang on in there.

While it hurts... make a list of why it was a good idea to leave him, so you can go back to it every time you start having doubts and want him back.

The less you know about his life, the less hurt you will feel. If there are people giving you updates on him and his life/adventures, ask them to stop. Don't ask questions about him either.

Accept that you still love him but that is better for you to be apart. You can't stop loving someone at will, you need to wait for the feeling to pass. Try not to think to much about things (is possible) and eventually he will be less important in your life.

Don't worry about the girl, if you try to protect her by warning her she won't believe you anyway.

Try and make sure that all the other areas of your life are well fulfilled, learn to be happy without him and then it will become easier to get over him.
Go out and meet some new friends, single mum friends could help u, learn a new hobby, meet up with friends and family you've not seen in a while. Get that diary booked up for the next month or 2.
When all the other areas of your life are great you'll soon feel better about things, yes it may take many more months or even years to fully get over him but you will get there eventually xx

i think you are taking this as a rejection of you and your son.

it isnt. this man is clearly not well, and cant even look after himself, let alone give anything to you.
its not you, its him.

its horrible when you cant stop thinking like this!
i have been training my mind, and it works.
what i do is consider every thought is taking me to, or away from happiness.
when im thinking things that are taking me further away, i try to change them.
playing with the children, going for a walk, baking something, painting my nails, singing, texting a friend, calling someone who might appreciate it, and just trying to get out out of self.
being in the moment, not thinking about past or future.

get some self help books.
concentrate on your 'recovery'