Hi! and legal q- changing contact

[Debra1981]

Hi all, I haven't been around for a while and am no longer really a lone parent but I still have the NR arse of my first DD (5) to deal with. He currently has her from school pick-up on Friday 'til 2pm on Sunday one week, then Saturday 10-5.30 the other. I have asked him to drop the 'short' weekend so we can do more with her rather than just afterschool time which is limited as she needs an early night. He has flatly refused, and has threatened me with (further) court action. Last time was when she was 6 months old and seeing him in a contact centre, he got it changed to a few hours each weekend at his, alternating pickup and dropoff, in a court order. Where do I stand? Can I press on with this request or is he within his rights to stand his ground? Thanks.

No idea where it stands legally, but would seem sensible to extend the Sunday on week 1, in place of the sat on week 2. As long as DD doesn't get unsettled with the extended period between contact, you could always offer a couple of hours after shool on the mon or fri as well if this is likely to be an issue?
Then he doesn't miss out on time with DD, and it frees up a whole weekend for you.
If you offer it in writing, then if he says no, tell him to take it to court... With a sensible offer on the table, I am assuming you would stand a reasonable chance of having it changed.

Is the current arrangement as per the court order, or have you increased the time from the last court order by agreement? If it is court-ordered then you would have to apply to 'vary' the order, showing why it would be in the child's best interest and why you want to change something that is working. If it is a mutually agreed arrangement that has been working for some time, he could ask for an interim order to ensure contact stays as it was whilst the court process goes ahead.

Is it possible for him to have her in the week overnight? Of course it is completely reasonable to want to have a weekend with her yourself, but not very reasonable to simply expect him to have a pretty significant reduction in his time.

What about a compromise? What about a 4 week pattern? One full weekend each, Fri-Mon, plus 2 half weekends of one overnight each. Then she can still see him every week for 3 weekends out of 4, but you get a proper weekend.

Thanks for your perspective ladies.
It's an arrangement that's stood for some time although 'working' would be a fairly loose term. He cancels about 1 in 4 sessions, usually the short one when his mum's not around to hold his hand. I've let it slide as happy to have her when he does cancel. It also makes me feel better about cancelling on the occasion that we have family visits, which I try to schedule to 'short' weekends for less disruption for him. I could do with more certainty though. He will deny the frequency of cancellations and I haven't kept a record of them for a while.
We fell out this weekend, he sent a note last week (which I've kept) asking for me to take her at 2pm Fri 31st Dec, pick up at 5pm today. Got a call at 12.30 Friday asking where she was, they've missed a restaurant booking.. yada yada I offer to bring her at 2pm, he says don't bother, leave it til tomorrow. (grr) So I took her yesterday... This morning I called to ask if please I could pick her up at 3.30pm, he said ok.. 10 mins later he rings and tells me to collect her immediately as they're due at a restaurant miles away (hmm) and it'll be too much of a rush, won't take no for answer (grr). Follows me yelling at him once she's in the car just round the car (she heard- shame on me :( ), and him making various accusations and threats, finishing on us 'agreeing' to continue as we were. I will be speaking to the school though as he kept saying he was going to pick her up from there despite it being a 'short' weekend. I don't want him on morning school duty as he soon asked for the original 9am start for 'short' weekend to move back as it was too early for him... To top it off this evening DD told me he had punched her, she has a red cheek, will see if it 'bruises' tomorrow. He gave me some slow bruises while I was with him and after, none for years though...
Hopefully this will turn out to be nothing. Then I'll cool down a bit about this weekend before having a think and a talk about how I can arrange whole weekends with her fairly. Otherwise I guess we will be going back to court :(.
Sorry I've rambled!

You need to ask him about the "punch"
What is his story?
Frankly I would not send her to him if he "punches" her